Hoi

Post Reply New Topic

Hi,
I found out about WP, and began to seriously consider autism and/or Asperger's as a possibility, only very recently. I was diagnosed with clinical depression and anxiety around age 14, and spent a number of years in both individual and family therapy, taking meds, and generally struggling with living a normal life. Sometime during my Sophomore year of High School, I began skipping classes so frequently that I wound up with a 0.0 GPA, which resulted in me being kicked out of regular HS. As a last ditch effort, I submitted a portfolio of artwork and writing to an arts & communications magnet school and was accepted, but dropped out entirely after a year. After a particularly bad experience with the drug Effexor, I also stopped taking meds. I moved out of my Mom's house at age 17.

I'm now 27 and with each new year, it seems like my life has deteriorated further and further. I had been working as a home equity service agent at a bank, but after about a year and a half, suffered some kind of mental breakdown and walked out of my job after weeks of severe anxiety that was causing me to miss literally days of work and clash with my immediate manager. For the most part, most of my jobs have lasted 1-2 years, largely due to similar buildups, though the bank was the only time I've actually walked out. That was in 2005 or thereabouts. I decided after that to pursue college, and had been doing reasonably well, but suffered a back injury of some kind that forced me to drop any non-online courses. Unfortunately, that also meant the disqualification of my financial aid. I was able to pay for a couple of terms on my own, but have been unemployed and out of school since January of '08. I'm technically living independently, but only because my girlfriend is effectively supporting me, which makes me feel even worse. We've been together for a miraculous 6 years, save for a month of being broken up, which was initiated as part of my breakdown.

I really don't know whether I have AS or autism, but part of what brought me here is that whenever I read about these things, I find myself relating to a lot of it. I obsessively and habitually make lists, bite my lips and fingers to the point of bleeding, have trouble making eye contact (and when I do, it's so deliberate that I feel like I'm staring a hole through their face), and tend to be overly verbose. Socially, I have a lot of acquaintances, but few (if any) close friends and consistently have difficulty maintaining these relationships. I'm described as aloof or reclusive, and when not working, sometimes see nobody but my girlfriend for weeks at a time. Few people call or write, and as I've gotten older, I'm noticing that while I was once comfortable and able to meet people online, conversations now seem strained or awkward, and I'm finding it more difficult to express a healthy sense of humor or approachability.

Anyway, outside of all that rambling, I listen to electronic music, draw, play video games, read, watch foreign films and silly sci-fi stuff, drink good beer, and once in awhile, attempt to cook.

Welcome to WP!

Welcome to Wrong Planet!

Great to meet you, irikarah. Keep hanging in there partner.

To WrongPlanet!! !

yo.

Nice to meet you, irikarah.

Hi irikarah welcome, I can relate to so much of what you say... I was lost and confused for many years and then I discovered aspergers just over 1 year ago and and with that came real acceptance and true identity... I feel part of my journey may help you with yours...

Making Sense - http://asplanet.info/index.php?option=c ... Itemid=129

Many of us are self diagnosed at first and then its finding a professional who understands and can diagnose us. So before being diagnosed, write down as much information as you can will really help, back to when you were a child. As we get older we learn to change and adapt, does not mean we do not still have those differences, do what your doing now research and read as much as you can and then decide, if you feel you are I always say its best to know for sure before being diagnosed, as its not about the label, its about true identity - self discovery.

AS Symtoms (Full Official Criteria) and AQ rest:
http://asplanet.info/index.php?option=co...
http://asplanet.info/forum/index.php?top...

I only hope some of this information helps a little, I also found many of my answers here on wrongplanet and will always be grateful for that.

Thanks very much for the links. I'm still kind of getting a handle on what AS actually is and coming around to the idea that it may be what I've been struggling with, but with each bit of info I run across, the more I feel like I'm on the path to some answers. All of this is kind of unexpected, but having mentioned this to a couple of people, I'm a little surprised to find that they tend to agree with my suspicions.

I can't help wondering if an earlier diagnosis would've been a hindrance or a help, though.

There are no quick steps, as it takes time anyway and a big part of that is understanding, so I would continue what you are doing reading and researching and then when and then decide if you want to be diagnosed or not.

After doing more reading yesterday, I called my Mom late last night and brought the possibility up with her. She didn't really know much about it, and confessed that she hadn't even heard of Asperger's until she started watching Boston Legal. I briefly described it to her, and she said she thought that some of the things I deal with could be Bipolar Disorder rather than the Clinical Depression I was diagnosed with as a teenager. I can't really dispute that, as I do seem to have periodic episodes that match mania, but I'm hoping we're both wrong about that.

She also mentioned that it's really easy to read about stuff like this and find things that seem to match, but aren't necessarily accurate. I tend to be a skeptical person though, and reminded her how resistant I was to accept my previous diagnosis and therapy. I explained to her that I didn't go looking for an explanation, but that an explanation seemed to find me. I didn't know anything about Asperger's until a few days ago, when I stumbled across someone's LiveJournal entries and found myself relating to them. I'd passed all that off as just finding correlations between depression, anxiety, and Asperger's, until I found myself wondering why there didn't seem to be any differences between them. When I did start to look strictly at AS, it all kind of made sense.

I described the symptoms in more detail to her. Reminded her of some of my odd habits, social difficulties over the years, and the fact that I'm nearly 28 and still unable to live a healthy, functional life. She asked me if I thought I would be OK if it weren't for my girlfriend, and I told her that I didn't think so.

So, it's a start. She suggested seeing a MD first, then seeking a more specific means of diagnosis. I'm not really sure what happens from here, and it'll mostly be up to her, since I have no insurance or enough money to cover expenses on my own.

If your mother only relates Aspergers to Boston Legal, she has a long way to go before she truly understands herself, I feel at this point you both should continue to read and research, its not some think you can rush anyway. The diagnosis is not the important part, its understanding and acceptance of our differences that is.

Some things you can both do, start to discuss and write down as much information as you can as will really help later on, back to when you were a young child. As we get older we learn to change and adapt, does not mean we do not still have those differences, do what your doing now research and read as much as you can and then decide:

Apart from doing what I already said early reading up on the AS Symtoms (Full Official Criteria) & AQ Test:http://asplanet.info/index.php?option=co...
Could use my list of Characteristics of Children to Adolescences AS symptoms, which may help give you an idea of what to write etc...
http://asplanet.info/forum/index.php?top...

Good luck, as it can take some time.. finding a good specialist really helps, highly recommend and not easy.. Not sure where you are but lots of good organistaions that can help and support you - i.e. if in UK contact National Autistic Society UK http://www.nas.org.uk/ one of the more helpful bigger national sites...

I think a lot of our discussion centered around giving her some idea as to what it really is and clearing up some of her misconceptions. I've only told 3 people that I think I may have AS, but each time, the discussion centers around clarifying what it is. It's just beginning to dawn on me how ignorant people are about Asperger's, as I get the impression that many people consider it a form of mental retardation, if they know anything about it at all.

I'll try writing some things down later to see if that helps. At the very least, it'll help me organize some of my thoughts into something more cohesive than the jumble of scattered memories that have been cropping up lately.

I'm in Portland, Oregon, so if anyone can recommend any local resources, I'm all for it. I'm pretty much on my own with all of this, so WP is literally the only place I have to turn right now.

There is a group in your area Portland Aspergers Network - http://www.aspergersnet.org/
and it may be worth connecting to see what resources locally may be available to you.

.

Thanks for the info. So far, I'm kind of surprised by how overwhelmingly focused everything is towards supporting parents or family members of asd children. The few groups for people who have an asd seem to be for children or young adults.

I think I'd be really, really uncomfortable with any of that.

welcome... I too struggled with the symptoms my whole life before I stumbled across AS. and it was somewhere between the figurative lightbulb lighting up, and reading my own biography. I hope you figure out whats the case is, and don't feel stigmatized by the label


Jeff