Hello everybody

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Hello,

I'm a 30 year old male, and I have only very recently been diagnosed with Asperger's Syndrome.

The reason I sought psychological / psychiatric help was however that I was depressed, felt alone, felt confused, angry and just didn't understand the world. And I was having serious thoughts about suicide. The only reason that I didn't take that step, and likely never will take that step is because my sudden death would so horribly disrupt the lives of so many people. And that is the reason why I didn't, why I won't and why I actually am not at all in risk of doing so.

I signed up here, because I am stuck with questions, and I wonder how other people handle those. One of them is doubt about the correctness of the diagnosis, even though when I read up on Aspergers it describes me, to the shocking points of things I always dismissed as trivial.

Things about me is that I get bored real easy. When something is challenging, I do really good at it, when things are easy I get bored. When I don't have anything to do, I can't make myself do anything. I usually spend this time socializing, reading, or doing nothing.

Another thing, and this is my most troublesome in relation to others, and the one that bothers me the most is that I am arrogant and come across as such. If I tone down what I perceive as arrogance, then I'm even more so, and if someone tries to go arrogance against me, it slides off, making me seem even more arrogant. That's really a nasty one in relations with other humans and the one I feel worst about.

And there is one other. I can learn anything. However, I can't seem to pass any education. There always need to be outside stimuli. Responsibillity, competitition and anger are my strongest motivators, but they are never self-inflicted.

If those things make sense to people here, then I might be in the right place.

What the psychiatrist who pulled the diagnosis said was too, that I might have developped such a strong social camouflage, that it might be very hard on me. Because one of my really big interests is social interaction. I'm good at it, but that doesn't mean I understand it.

Okay, now I think I'm rambling, but please say so if this makes sense to anyone.

Utterly confused, depressed, angry and feeling misunderstood,

Dingo

Heya to you

Hi, welcome on wrong planet...

Yes, seems to make sense to me.

Learning: Just the same with me. For example I was very bad in my English lessons (in Germany), because I wasn't interested and learning "words" or grammar was a boring tasks. But then (80s) came computers in my life, all manuals in English at the time. I became somehow interested and became far better in school.

Worked even for sports. I was terrible in school sports. But later found, that I like biking and do it every day now.

Arrogance: Same again. People think me arrogant, mainly because I don't talk enough with them. Especially people I haven't met before. Mostly people correct this interpretation if they know me for a longer time and see, that I can be quite nice, just don't talk much.

btw: If you're new here and feel depressed and confused already, be a bit careful when reading the discussions (or AS in general). It's a fascinating, but in parts frustrating thing in the beginning. You may find out some details about yourself and how your mind works and what limitations come with AS you didn't realize by now.

I constantly talk, that's the difference. I talk with my fingers, in my head against myself or against objects. In my sleep I also talk.

Now if people do get to know me, then I'm usually not so bad. But it also requires me to explore my limits. And sometimes that takes a lot of time. And that's where things such as finding jobs go wrong. Well that's the interview part.

On a more personal level, I am also deadly afraid of new situations that I cannot analyze. That means, new people.

Hi Dingo,

Welcome here.
It's usually a nice place. A bit addictive, I must confess.

Enjoy.

Best of luck to you,
Ceesjan

"Hello," Dingo, and welcome to Wrong Planet, a great place to find answers. In your well-written post I saw a great deal of what I've experienced, and so it's very easy for me to say that your words made perfect "sense." Be sure to take very good care of yourself now, keep those posts coming, and all the WP best to you.

Welcome. I hope you learn a lot here. Don't forget to check out the articles.

Welcome to WP!