I think therefor I'm Aspergers

Post Reply New Topic

Or should I say I think I am Aspergers. Possibly not a lot, but at least a little. I am 36 years old and an Architect licensed in New York and Oregon.

I'm looking for a professional to meet with. My wife had a preliminary discussion with someone (through her work) who doesn't specialize in aspies and suggested that it's possibly aspergers or a TAG issue (talented and gifted) and also offered to locate someone for me to speak with. Apparently, whether it is aspergers, tag, or whatever, the therapist indicated that a professional might be able to help "normalize" my experience; which, in many ways, matches descriptions of aspergers I have read.

TAGs, supposedly, can get themselves into a mode of thinking and experiencing that can appear like aspergers. This is based on my secondhand conversation with the therapist at my wife’s work, so I may not be reiterating it incorrectly.

In any case, some of my symptoms include:
-wrenching my fingers under my thumb and fanning my fingers (to the point of calluses).
-wringing my hands.
-being called "professor" at work due to my depth of knowledge (way beyond the average Architect) in certain areas.
-Avoidance of social situations due to past experiences of being awkward and clueless of what is happening.
-Being accused of being selfish to my bewilderment.
-Intense focus on things to a point that even I find a little beyond the pale.
-Pulling at my ears (is that a symptom?) and placing fingers over my eyes when thinking (symptom?).
-Sometimes have private conversations with myself, albeit short ones (when no one is around, I'm a little embarrassed by this one).
-My wife feeling that aspergers explains so many frustrations she has had (not picking up on cues, not responding to certain things as she would expect for a normal person, me being emotionally neutral or detached, etc.) On a side note, she is already feeling she is having improved communications with be based on what she's read about aspergers and is very positive; her biggest fear was that I simply didn't care that much for her, which couldn't be further from the truth.
-Puzzling inability for me not to recognize faces or distinguish people with similar characteristics.
-I believe I have unusual abilities in the area of visualization (I can develop 3d models in my head and move them and rotate them pretty much at will).
-I always joked that my brain functions like a computer, and that I am slightly autistic (even before I know really what I was suggesting).
-If I do not remain somewhat stoic, it's easy for me to make gaffes.
-I find it easy to learn obscure and complex areas of knowledge relatively quickly if I am interested in it. When I lack interest, I must break through the "interest" barrier; which can take quite a bit of effort.
-I am very particular about the clothes I wear and am always adjusting my shirts.
-emotions? Yes I experience all of them, but seldom in ways others expect; or, should I say, I do not express them in ways others would expect.
-I learn from the bottom up. That is, from the detail to the big picture, not the other way around. However, once I understand the detail really well, the big picture falls into place and I have a really good understanding of the theory behind any particular subject area (this doesn't exactly match what I've read since aspies tend to miss the big picture).
-I can process large amounts of data in a narrow subject area, and determine how to best organize it, rather easily (to the astonishment of my coworkers). For example, if someone needed to categorize, review, and establish criteria related to all the windows in a city's downtown area, I'm your man. I don't even understand how I do it so easily.
-Did I mention that I am clueless in most group social situations? One-on-ones are a bit easier, but I do tend to go on about something or other, if I am uncomfortable.
-Speaking in front of groups is easy if its about something in my comfort zone, otherwise I get a runaway heartbeat and some sort of panic overtaking me despite my very calm and cool internal voice saying "why do I feel this way, I don't get it. Why can't I just speak normally like everyone else? This doesn't make any bit of sense."
-I like overcast days because I feel over stimulated in bright like (not always, but it's not unusual).
-changes in lighting (like a cloud passing over or away from the sun) sometimes instills a bit of panic.

Okay, that's probably enough for now. Every time I start going through my own quirks I just think to myself, "duh, your an aspie, it explains so much."

There are certain things that don't fit, such as I am good at directions (mostly because I can map things out visually in my head). I am also good at seeing the big picture, per my point above.

In general I am pretty positive about the prospect of being an aspie; I even like the term "aspie." For the most part, I like the visual and learning abilities I have and think I have learned enough about myself to use them to my advantage. On the other hand, I have been gaining an increasingly better understanding of my social problems and am finding it a little discouraging. Professionally, I am seeing people around my rise beyond me because they do all the social things, despite the fact that I think I provide an outstanding service to our clients. It's very frustrating. On that note, I'll end on a very frustrating anecdotal story of something that happened at work yesterday:

Background: Our firm was hired to catalog and review hundreds of qualities of all of a certain type of building in an entire state (amounted to about 50 buildings). Figuring out the procedure of getting this done was incredible complex and the firm's partners were working with a young go-getter, who is smart and can talk the talk, about how to resolve the problem. They went around in circles for 2 months without making progress on how to even do the project; none of the actual production work was done yet. They finally decided to get me involved (why they waited, I'm not sure). I solved the problem for them as far as how to do the workflow, and wrote several databases and excel programs to automate most documentation portions of the process (saving hundreds of hours of time). I Educated the go-getter on how to manage the procedure and keep to her head above the water (which was constantly sinking and thus I was constantly sending life-lines).

Yesterday: The project was completed successfully and within budget (despite the initial long delay). The client was amazed at what we did and the level of accuracy and documentation. The partners took the all of us (the team) out for a beer; everyone praised the go-getter for all her hard work and dedication and proclaimed that it wouldn't have happened without her (she did work hard; I don't want to take that away). She in turn regailed them with stories on her work, which led to other topics about herself including her brilliant dad, time in europe, and so on. Nothing was said to me, and asked about my involvement, however. No "thank you's," no "you saved the projects'", no toasts, no how did you do that, nothing. I know based on past experiences if I were to begin talking about myself and my involvement, people would have responded poorly. While the go-getter captured everyone's attention, I think that my cooworker's lack of interest in my role is a direct result of a some missing social connection between me and them; one I have no clue how to establish.

Last edited by Mixtli on 01 Oct 2008, 2:21 pm, edited 2 times in total.

Welcome to WP!

H Mixtli welcome, to be diagnosed usually best to start with your doctor (if they will listen) and ask for a referral.... but some things you can consider/do for now:

As I am not a professional do not feel its my place to diagnose you, and feel often people are there own best judges. Its quite possible you are by what you have said, but it takes a lot longer to be diagnosed, to be honest the biggest misconceptions of people being on the autism spectrum is that we are all the same, we are not... in fact can be very diverse and different. So its not a matter of a simply check list, some of us have adapted and changed, i.e. I now look directly at people could never do as a child, since being diagnosed I do realize that in fact I do, but not in the same way as many an others do... its really not as simply as a quick check list.

I wasn't diagnosed with any think until in my late 40s, I have many co morbid, associated conditions. Autism is the center, the differently minded part, as for diagnosis.. I feel its best thinking about being diagnosed, write down as much information as you can will really help, back to when you were a child. As we get older we learn to change and adapt, does not mean we do not still have those differences, do what your doing now research and read as much as you can and then decide, if you feel you are I always say its best to know for sure before being diagnosed, as its not about the label, its about true identity.

Continual to do what you are doing list the information down, do you have anyone you can discuss it with that your close to, who can help you decide.... If it is really worrying you maybe you should see a doctor and discuss with them, its very common to have OCD, anxiety, depression if on the autism spectrum.... so I will also add not something to rush into, with self discovery we all have to decide if we choose to be diagnosed or not, and if you choose to its good to have the professional support you may need. It can be very hard at first and if your already under a doctor, once you have gathered all the information you can, discuss it with them. Remember you are really not alone, there are many of us who have been thought similar situations so we really do understand what its like and how hard things can seem especially at first.

Some things you can do, list, criteria ands test:
AS Symtoms (Full Official Criteria) and take the AQ Test:
http://asplanet.info/index.php?option=c ... &Itemid=63

Connection wise with the world, find it easier just to stick with like minded people or stay in my own world/bubble where often happier..

Asplanet. Thanks for your response.

I have found that I have adjusted myself to overcome certain symptoms. I also think that certain symptoms are more notable at certain points of my life as a result of the situation at the time.

I've also taken three aspie quizes:
-136 aspie/ 70 NT.
-36 out of 50, and
-35 our of 50


I really identify with the aspie concept (is the the right word). I wouldn't mind a diagnoses as part of the whole self discovery thing; maybe I'll see things I am not noticing now.

That was why I decided to get diagnosed to know for sure and also felt for true identity, I needed that... but has not been that simply even with asperegr diagnosis and other neurological differences etc have come up, which bit is which is the problem they seem to inter act and over lap, but I has discovered so much about myself on my journey, the real me is now being allowed.

Diversity of Autism may help explain:
http://asplanet.info/index.php?option=c ... Itemid=125

Sounds good.

Great to see you aboard Wrong Planet, Mixtli.

These are descriptions that fit my situation perfectly.

This last one was the first that struck me. I can see any manner of device in my head and in three dimensions very easily. Geometry was a wildly easy class for me. In fact I can remember taking it and thinking I was in elementary school.



Same here, this is my whole problem with school, and unfortunately, it's only gotten worse for me. :-/



This one is absolutely true for me as well. I even BATCH program in functions GOTOs everywhere heh. And this is a good part of why I think I had so much trouble with mathematics later. I missed some basic concepts, and without mastering those (even though it was possible to memorize equations and continue) I CONSTANTLY double guess myself because I didn't feel I understood the parts of the problem. I wish I could site a specific example but I don't remember any off the top of my head.

In regard to being an aspie, if I'm correct, I believe that surely all things exist in a grey moderation. As is copiously documented about autism and it's related symptoms, they all fall in a spectrum. It's not a binary solution. For instance, you talked about wringing your hands and covering your eyes. Those aspects (I believe) relate to self-stimulation and aversion. You must have an aversion to light, where mine is to touch. I walk on my tiptoes when I'm not wearing shoes. Part of the aversion I suppose. I also don't like getting grease on my hands, not for an uncleanliness factor but a feeling factor. I hate ants. Any time I see them I feel phantom ants all over me. My self-stimulation side seems to be a bit more mental as I fidget with THINGS rather than my own hands/fingers/toes whatever. When I'm thinking I pick things up and take them apart, or figure out what they're for or look through a book. Over time, many of these things have eroded into what can be perceived as common and normal really. But, when I was a child it was much, much worse. I'm starting to see why these things are different because I process them in identifiable ways. Individually any one of these symptoms would have lead me to believe it was normal coincidence but in combination it makes a striking picture that seems to fit AS.

Anyhow, the point is that we're all vastly different but we share qualities that I assume can be broken down to a set of least common denominators and explored with psychology.

In regards to this go-getter. I read recently about a social experiment that explored the ways groups worked in an effort to figure out ways to increase group productivity. Though I'd love to get into the details, and I would, ultimately the findings that are relevant, were that the individuals that did best most often and were included in more groups, were the ones who refused to help those that hi-jacked their work and operated as a lame duck.
In theory, next time a similar situation is put in her lap, and she comes to you for help. Cleverly feign being busy or offer her a start, but certainly don't be overly concerned about helping her out. Instead, focus on your efforts elsewhere with people you know or with projects that will certainly give you your due credit. Basically, only do what you absolutely have to and find ways to busy yourself elsewhere. Ultimately, it will be FAR better for the company and your career.

In regards to getting acceptance and such around the office. I have no idea. Especially now, I'm in an office where my boss is crazier than I am so I know I'm not the person to talk to.

He really is crazy. More childish and stupid than autistic. But he defies logic and science.... God I wish I could start on that. But that also is another post.

Attrezzo:

Being that this is all new to me, I'm amazed that I am finding someone with so many similarities. This is amazing to me especially because I had attended a gifted Junior High program, and a large gifted high school, and recall being a little off compared to the other kids. I was so naive and clueless in certain areas, especially socially, and was considered very talented in other areas (my architecture class for example). If I wasn't around gifted people, I think I would have had all sorts of social problems; I'm glad I was able to avoid that for the most part (I still had problems). In any case, my point is that I haven't been terribly isolated from potential aspies, but yet still always felt a bit unique.

Good point, and I think my wife would agree that I have this issue --not being able to garner recognition and making others look good, instead. In the case I cited, I was actually busy but knocked off what was required anyway. The other problem I was getting to was that the simple fact that I am not connecting to others very well prevents them from being really interested in me, whether regarding work or personal issues.

<--- Is my Icon here yet?

Wow. Just wow. I'm sorry goto is getting the credit you should, but all the books that tell how to get your credit and move ahead in business would offend you as well as me. Do document all you have done so that at your yearly review you can justifiably ask for a raise.
I certainly find you impressive.

That means alot.

Welcome Mixtli

You definitely sound like an Aspie to me! As far as I am aware, there are many Aspies who are also TAG, however people who are TAG (and who are not Aspies) do not usually have significant social skills 'deficits'.

By the way, I strongly suspect that the experience of another person taking credit for work we have done ourselves is also a symptom of Asperger's .

Welcome to Wrong Planet!