a predicament

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Hi everyone. I'm writing this entry to discuss a couple things that have happened recently and wanted to see if i could get some feedback on it. I am 22 years old and have recently discovered alot about myself including things i didn't want to know. I was diagnosed with aspergers at 11 and while i always recognized it, i ignored certain truths behind it. Recently i was in a four month relationship that made me discover alot about myself that scares me so i broke up with her. I was discovering that the higher i went up when focused, the lower i could go when in my own stuck world. I discovered that even though there are times when i am in the moment and focused, they won't be as often as many other people. and i discovered that the things i put so much work into come so much easier for others. i've seen that if i focus on the negative parts of aspergers it doesnt get me anywhere and was wondering if others felt the same way. Do you also feel afraid to go up to high because you will drop down low after it, and do you find yourself convincing yourself that certain things were more fun than they actually are because you didn't want to believe anything else? Also is it normal to be scared of the truths behind autism? How do you learn to accept it? how low do you have to dip before you do sometimes? Why does aspergers have a bipolar feel to it sometimes? How do we ever figure out where are limits are and how do we know how far we can push them? Any answers are appreciated

Hi Josh,

I know what you mean about the negatives but you really need to stop worrying about the negatives of aspergers -since you can't change them.

I couldn't quite follow what you meant by higher up and lower down... examples? do you mean moods?

Aspergers sometimes feels bipolar because we are subject to intense emotional swings and because we're often less inclined to display appropriate emotional signs until that emotion reaches an extreme level - hence we are less inclined to get intervention from someone else. If an NT feels a little bit sad, other NTs will notice and try to cheer them up. If an aspie feels sad, it wont often be noticed until it reaches a near-suicidal level.

I think our long-term memory has a lot to do with it too - since we remember all of the bad things only too well... like they were yesterday. We also have a lot of social difficulties which make it hard for us to seek help.

Finally, there's the fact that bi-polar is a common comorbid condition with aspergers.

Are you saying that when you push yourself to be (or at least appear) high-functioning, then later you fall into a low-functioning state? I would imagine that's because you can only expend so much mental energy.

I'm not sure if this is what you're asking, but I do feel that my AS gets worse when I think about it too much. (Maybe I shouldn't spend so much time on this forum?) Or maybe it's just a confirmation bias. Sometimes you just need to go out and do things and see if you like them. Some things that I thought I wouldn't like turned out to be a lot of fun!

It is normal to fear the unknown/things stigmatised by society. Given all the negative publicity it's no wonder so many people are afraid.

Like you, I'm still trying to accept what's happened in my life and wondering whether I really should accept it. All that I know is that I've been me my whole life. Others certainly don't accept it yet. I'm still trying to find out about this myself. Severe mood swings might me experiencing life more fully than most people, I don't know.

I've also found that dwelling on negative things people said in the past is counterproductive. Self-hatred, for anyone no matter how heavily endorsed by professionals, is unhelpful. There are positives that are sadly often ignored. I think that the AS dx criteria are unfairly negatively biased to favour one viewpoint only.

It's best to focus on the positives while still being aware and prepared for any issues that might crop up/plan for them.

Being a human being entails not being perfect. This is something that everyone has to accept whoever they are. It concerns me a little sometimes that no-one seems to cut people any slack /demand too much from people these days. It's like were all expected to be identical gingerbread men. It doesn't work like that- life is messy and interesting. We're all unique.

You should never be ashamed of being yourself. It's who you are. If people don't like it, that's their problem.

There are nice understanding people out there, the problem is of course finding them. I don't know if this helps, but all the best.

Maybe it's all in my imagination but from my reading of people's experiences, and being a little involved in the local Aspie community here - I believe that people who have been professionally diagnosed and in my experience I am talking about people being in their thirties - having a label - it is a different experience from some people who may be self diagnosed or where their kids are diagnosed but not themselves..

Anyway I am taking a stab in the dark here (it is unbelievable how many metaphors I use)

and I identify with what you are saying about highs and lows - it's not just moods -

but when I was diagnosed I felt like I "regressed" which was a very strange experience. Luckily I was speaking to a couple of people (an engaged couple) who coincidentally were going through a similar process - even more "full on" though as the man had been diagnosed, but his fiancee was seeking a diagnosis.

yes it is like I become more socially agile for a period and then have to hide or spend time alone and if I can't - it is like I "regress" and can't keep up with things I was able to do the week before.

(and I still can't believe I ever worked in two call centres either, for four years in my early 20's!!)

with me, I get mentally drained much easier than others. Obviously, since it takes a lot more mental energy and effort upon my behalf to interact and socialize with others, my threshold for stimulation is not as high as other peoples. When I get overstimulated (especially with people who are loud, they are the worst type, especially being loud in a group together), I get so drained that I want to separate myself, and go somewhere else to "recharge".

I feel like I'm an old lithium-ion battery that needs to be re-calibrated. Some times I drain very easily and can't hold a charge worth a crap.

I'm fortunate, that I've been with my very understanding boyfriend for 7 years. He's grown to understand that when I get overstimulated, I need my space even if it means not talking on the phone for more than 10 minutes or spending time away from him. I'm glad he understands that.

I'm replying because I find the parallels between your situation and mine very interesting. I too am 22 and was diagnosed at 11, and have struggled for a long time with accepting things. I did always recognize it, but for years I tried to deny I even had aspergers, even though deep down I knew it.

I've had two relationships over the past year, and wow, they can teach you a TON about yourself. Currently my biggest issue is depression, but the aspergers is a part of it that makes it worse.

I really rebelled against my weaknesses for a long time. I've learned to accept them at this point. I think part of it is letting time pass to accept things that lets you start working on them in a rational, non-reactionary way. It also means you can learn where to really focus (on your strengths) because you understand yourself better. You learn to compensate for some weaknesses in some areas with the strengths in others. Once you get stronger in those, it gives you a footing to be on while you work on the others.

For instance, maybe you struggle with social interaction for instance. But you excel at a certain thing, say, writing. But you are terrible with fast paced work environments because of the social skills, and the job you work with is more related to business and numbers, and you're bad at math.

Well you will never get the social skills down if you are in a place where everything is going against you. So in that situation, I would try to get in a job that might earn less, but uses my writing skills, and allows me to be in a slower paced line of work which I would be good at. Since I'm comfortable there, I can practice my social skills. Once I get confident in that, and I decided I wanted to go into a business oriented job that would make more money, the confidence I gained elsewhere would allow me to employ those social skills

That's a hypothetical scenario, insert any talent, disability, job, program, school, club, whatever, into that situation. My point is that you have to push in the areas you excel at before you can even think of going into the hard ones. In high school, I was always more interested in the creative side of things; art, writing, etc. But the areas my dad pushed me in were things like sport and math. Two things I was not good at, so he really wanted to build me up there.

The problem with that, is because I was bad at them, I was uncomfortable socially. I kept going in a downward spiral, because I kept losing confidence. I learned to assume that I was simply naturally terrible with people and making progress in my efforts. It was not until much more recently that I realized how very very good social skills I have when I am in an area I am good at. Because I understand the setting or topic at hand that we may be discussing, my mind is clear and sharp, and so I am able to compete socially, and have the confidence that I have a talent or knowledge to share.

But I'm only learning that now. I am getting better and better at issues related to aspergers or depression. But I know what you mean about the bipolar thing. I find myself continually going back downhill again. For me PERSONALLY, the answer right now, I believe, is in medication, which I am currently, for the first time, aggressively using and trying, and structure, which I am trying to achieve in life---looking for work post-college, and starting up on a boxing team.

I find excercise to be a huge help for me. Excercise where I WANT to do it and secondly, where I am part of a club or team which will encourage me to keep going. Anyway, thats my two cents.