Hi all, only recently i discovered to be an AS, almost by accident. I was talking to a guy andd he said something about those asperger kids that can't see face expressions, and this made me remember the sensations i had when i was a child. A little googling revealed me that was a too simplified description, and that many behaviours were describing me exactly. Then i kind got scared, and refused that idea for 6 months, without thinking about it anymore. I was trying to be like everyone else (without much success) since a long time, and the confirmation that it wasn't possible was hard to accept. But in a depression moment i decided to reopen that door, and i read everything i could find about asperger. Unfortunately here in italy it's hard to find specialists and so my knowledge is limited to what the internet offers.
The next step was to tell it to someone. first choice was my mother, and she kind of refused it. she didn't say it direcly, but i know she thinks it's an excuse to the school prbolems. So, first option was wrrong.
I decided to talk about it to a sister-like friend of mine. She is the only real female friend that i have (one of the 3 real friends at all), and didn't understand why until she revealed me she was lesbian.
(this explained everything: without all the sexual mess everything it's easier)
i knew that if i was going to talk "free wheel" i wouldn't get that far, so i wrote her how i felt. At first she thinked too that i was exaggerating things, that what i wrote could not be true, because she knew me in a different way. My biggest fear was she freaking out and going away scared or something, instead she reacted how i hoped. She stayed close, trying to explain me those thin behaviours that i never got, talking to me when i ran out of words, or simply telling me that is not a problem at all if we both don't say anything for some time.
She made me think not to all the difficulties i have now, but about all the difficulties i already passed, making me note that most of my weirdnesses were well camouflaged. Also made me think more about positive things instead of negative, like the fact that i can understand very well how things works ( in a broad sense), that i'm more honest than most people she knows and that she we can count on each other when we have problems.
Now i really feel more self-confident, and happier. having someone to tell about your deep fears is a rare and great thing for people like us. my advice is to try to find someone who can get the point. it's hard, but i think that AS are good at judging people: removing all the body-language crap, you see people for what they do and say, and can recognise a fake smile in well known people way more than NT.
If you think that someone could understand the situation, do it, tell him/her about it: it's one of the biggest relief i ever felt.
P.S. english's not my native language, sorry for the mistakes
23 Dec 2008, 11:37 am
