I think my brother has aspergers and will end up homeless

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help-I think my brother may have aspies.He is 45,a radiologist that stopped working 4 years ago. A few months ago he used up all his savings and my parents "lent'him 15,000 dollars.Now that is finished and soon he will finish his retirement fund. He shows no real concern.My parents refuse to give him more money.Growing up'he had no friends,he rarely played with me,and kept to himself. At school the kids made fun of him and I was embarrassed of him/It was horribble for me but I was too shamed to tell my parents and didn't understand how they could not see that he was different.If I hinted that something was wrong they though I was jealous because he was a straight a studentHis body stature was rigid and he avoided eye contact. He married at 30 and divorced after 5 years. During his marriage he developed colitis.
I am afraid he will end up homeless. I live out of the country and am thinking of visiting and suggesting to him that he get evaluated for aspergers. I think my parents have to confront this as well. They are angry with him and see him as a baum/
anyone have suggestions for me.

gosh, mate, so many more details needed, but if i were you, i' d quit thinking and go do it

genuine concerns: homeless is real option, and some feel better than suicide (even if only for boredom and lack of concern, which could be passive acceptance of seeing no way out)

questions:
-how long can you afford to spend away from home
-what kind of budget do you have to keep him afloat in the time it will take to set him up
-does he live in a place where there would be a legally-based social security situation
-is there sufficient expertise there on AS/HFA to get him diagnosed properly
-is there sufficient expertise there to meet his needs as an late-lifedx'ed aspie
(the sitiation is sooh different from early diagnosis!)

in his situation: he will accept i believe, your meddling in his private life; maybe not the implied changes it will bring, but he will be grateful one day - and he very likely will be aware that you may present his only chance (at least from his narrowed perspective)

i also believe there is a huge chance he IS clinically depressed in an auti manner, which may look different than 'normal' clinical depression; medication for that alone might get him more active

i was sort of where he is just over a year ago (since my 'little' brother died six years ago), but also already in debt, and self-employed, so no legal right to unemployment benefit (i thought, correctly maybe, but unaware of the disability-safetynet that would always have been available - if only i had known: i would not have been forced to actually use it: thirty years wasted as a result!);

very much time stupidly lost can be saved by ACTING ASAPracticable

BIGbro'watchin'outforyou/[email protected]

yes, i think you have to bring the subject up. don't expect a warm reaction though, it is a genetic condition and families don't like that. your brother could reject the idea too, it's common at first for people to do that.

I was completely burnt out at about 40. I was able to access the disability pension after getting a dx though, so, it sounds like your brother is at a similar stage. People of his age often go thru life without knowing, it's a pretty harsh life.

Good thing that you care. Hope it works out for you.

This is painful to read. "There but for the grace of God" and all that...

I am 44 and could have easily ended up like your brother. I was never as socially awkward but I am a total flake and can barely take care of myself. But he sounds as if there's something else on top of the aspergers. Is he taking any prescriptions? Doesn't sound as if he has healthcare...

I am going through something similar with my brother-in-law. He is bipolar and seems to be spiraling into schizophrenia. No job and he's been living off my husband for about 10 years. My husband gave him an ultimatum about a year ago and has stuck with it. Now his brother is really mean and angry - even more than before! He's prone to violence and self-destruction. Very scary to me.

Anyway,if your brother is also depressed or has social anxiety, he maybe able to quell those symptoms and see more clearly if he can get an Rx. The fact that he was a radiologist should provide something of a safety net! Especially with healthcare being a growth industry. He may need some retraining - which might actually be fun for him.

I'd sit down with him - or do it over the internet - and lay out some goals - a plan. Aspies often need someone to start the process. If you can get him into it, he may jump in with both feet.

But my most valuable advice is look out for yourself. I saw what being "his brother's keeper" did to my husband. He's mentally scarred. If you both end up "basketcases" (I can say that cause I am one ) then no one benefits.

I agree that your parents need to chip in. I am saddened that you are bearing the entire burden for your family. Do what you can to educate them and maybe they'll be able to step back and get rid of their anger. GOOD LUCK!! !! They are all lucky to have you!

Disabilities and money vary from country to country and disabilities vary with the amount one might receive, depending on what it is or what they are. Given the fact of his age, it might be very difficult to get a correct DX to begin with, however if he is really dysfunctional, they'll likely pin a label or 6 on him anyway and those are better recognized to the average dorks of what passes as Doctors. So what if it isn't the full picture, at least he'll have a steady income and they will treat the rough spots that have been identified. There is no magic pill for any of this. And most likely anything they pick up on will fall within the spectrum. If he were young, different story altogether. However and again this probably varies between country's, here in the States expect more then one attempt at getting a disability check. Mine flew through the first time because I had government doctors on it, the same held true for a distant cousin and they correctly DXed him with ASD. My wife on other hand, while nothing to do with the spectrum, was denied. It is worth it if he is diagnosed to get a lawyer on it. They can put you though hell even with a doctors saying this is it and he can't work. Just from personal experience mind you.

I'm to the point I actually fear them DXing me with ASD. I'll stick with what I have and even now they (current shrink) wants me to go for a more direct Army connection (even though I do have a disability % from them too) and it scares the hell out of me, even if they could find my lost med records. She says more money and I think the opposite could happen and been around long enough to see it happen just that way. She'll probably talk me into it, but I doubt like hell if they can find them and I would have to go to an outside source to have them tracked down.

It's no joy living on a disability moneys, but it isn't as bad as living on the streets. We do ok, I know I'm way better off then a lot. I actually do miss being able to work. But I fried about 10 or so years ago. Not sure how I made it that long to be honest.

I knew my cousin (actually more then one, but so far I guess they're still doing ok) had it and it wasn't until I mentioned to him I thought I might as well that he finally admitted it, he didn't have to. I saw it. he can be very stubborn when it comes to his person living and i understand that very well. If he hadn't had a full nervous break down while working for the government I don't know what would have happened to him. he went through a bunch of stuff and eventually lost his inherited home. No way can I get him to have someone come in and give him a hand with things like just doing dishes, yet he has been thrown out of place after place for his home habits. It's painful to see, but there is nothing I can do, I tried.

As far as you go, the fallout with growing up with some with ASD might be worth looking at for yourself. You seem to be shouldering some guilt that wasn't really your fault. It is a known subject and getting better known. Good luck and I mean it. Probably not the most positive info from me, but it's the best I can do. I won't be dishonest and say there is one way, follow it, and everything will be ok.

postpaleo - that's really bleak. I hope it turns out better for the OP.

But I agree with you. Get him on disability ASAP. My brother-in-law is "too proud" and won't do it. (Don't get me started...)

It doesn't mean he'll never work again.

Its sad to wish someone is diagnosed with aspergers or autism, but here goes: Good luck with Dx.

(postpaleo - love your avatar.)

Welcome aboard Wrong Planet, leaf. Here’s wishing you and your brother all the very best of Wrong Planet. Do take care.

Can I have his job? I'd love a radiologists' salary! How does one just 'quit' a job like that?

yeah you get to wear a white coat.

what if i confront him and am wrong. what if he refuses to accept that a 45 yr old single radiologist that is unemployedand pennilies(when they are in demand) is not ok. Does he sound like aspeies/

Then you did your best and failed. Simple as that.
The choise is ultimatly his.

you can refer him here if you like, that's partly what this site is for. he can lurk if he prefers, that way he can make up his own mind if he's one of us.

i agree with postperson, DONT expect a positive reaction, but if i was advising you, its a 50/50 it could make things better or worse, i know i didnt take my diagnosis lightly when i first learned about it, infact it made my situation alot worse i suffered 3 years of depression and severe anxiety because i thought i was so different, but, do what you gotta do, if you feel its right.

can a diagnosis help-besides getting my parents to try to help him. Does accepting the fact u have aspergers help u get along in socitey. can u learn to play the game and be happy? Can he realize he has a problem.
Doea aspergers affect your sexual drive
confused leaf-thanks to all those who are helping me out-or in

autism at my level of functioning -
i have very few limitations that could be called (visible) 'symptoms'
in fact , there are traits suggesting, maybe strangely, talented rather -
and i totally screwed up my life because i dont care to be social -

autism may be a 'condition' to be managed,
but to me it is not the autism: it is the NOT KNOWING

an official diagnosis (however still subjective) gives KNOWLEDGE

whatever he may or not be volunteered to do,
without the FACTS of life there is no way out



justgivehimthedamnKEY!/[email protected]