Do Aspies Have Their Own Body Language? from "Dear Aspi

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From Dear Aspie: "DO ASPIES HAVE THEIR OWN BODY LANGUAGE?"

ajs_line_of_silver wrote:

All this talk about NT body language: do you know of any common aspie body language? Do we have our own system?

That's a very cool question! Without a doubt we do. There's very little scientific data in this area. I'll explain why and explore a few aspie differences:

Body language comes in two flavors: the inherited body language that is hardwired into our genes and the body language that we learn according to our society. Smiling is an example of the hardwired variety that most aspies possess. They'll often smile when happy, just like virtually every other person on the planet. Shaking hands is an example of learned body language. Some aspies don't like to be touched, just like most Japanese wouldn't know what to do with your hand if you stuck it out there. They bow instead. Shaking hands is a learned behavior in Western societies.

Scientists constantly debate the origin of many body language signs. Clearly, smiling is instinctive all over the world. But what about shaking the head to mean "no"? It's common almost everywhere but a few places. Science is still sorting out the NT world of body language, and they haven't gotten anywhere close to doing real studies on aspies and whether they have different hardwired and/or learned body language. So everything that we talk about here is speculation rather than studied fact.

That said, I have noticed that aspies who spend time around aspies do develop a shared body language with one another. Many aspies report that they feel very comfortable around others on the spectrum and believe they can read their non-verbal signs. It seems to involve mirroring, lack of eye contact, and a shared relaxation.

In my experience, aspies miss most body language, and because of this, they fail to develop the habit of examining people with their eyes very often. (People are pretty boring to look at when you miss the signs of emotion written on them. Kind of like staring a horse in the face for long periods of time.) Since they don't look very much when communicating, non-verbal communication becomes unrealistic. From what I have seen, the aspie equivalent to NT body language seems to be reflected in verbal rituals of communication.

This leads to a very peculiar point:

A great deal of NT body language has to do with physical space. They encroach on one another, back away, grasp, let go, etc. Much NT behavior can be traced in one way or another to a need and desire for physical space and dominion.

Aspies have a notable disregard for personal space. This disregard is part of the definition of the syndrome. The pattern I have noticed is, rather than being oriented around physical communication and vying for physical space, aspies tend to harbor mental space. For example, a question is a transgression on mental space. An aspie will often resent questions from unkown persons and have a difficult time asking others questions or for help, since he considers it such a breach of etiquette in mental space. Striking up small talk is the verbal equivalent of dancing on your neighbor's lawn uninvited. Constant chit-chat is equivalent to walking three inches behind an NT everywhere he goes.

My unstudied hypothesis for this is, aspies are extremely concrete thinkers. Mental space is very real for them. Their instincts defend this space in a similar way to NTs defending their physical territory.

However, I think your question merits further inquiry than just my own speculation. I'm going to post this column in the Getting to Know Each Other Forum and see what other aspies have to say on this!

I've never met an Aspie IRL (afaik anyways) so I can't really answer the question if I'd recognize another Aspie's body language better than an NT's version.

My own body language is probably weird, I've seen people thrown off by it before. Dunno what it communicates but most people seem to be able to at least try to get readings from it (the accuracy of those readings are a totally different story, of course - most people read emotional states on me that I don't have (or at least am not consciously aware of feelinging/using/having) ).

I have noticed a significant difference between my body language and others is crossing of arms. I do it to have somewhere to put my hands..but when I do it people think I'm upset or angry or something... Annoying...

In my own experience, I can read aspie body language (as well as the body language of people with things like ADHD) effortlessly - it just happens naturally, but reading NT body language takes conscious effort and it's an ongoing learning process. With other people on the spectrum I'm tapping into a whole world of communication that I don't see with NTs - kinda like a deaf person suddenly gaining the ability to hear but it's selective - only being able to hear certain people. I have an aspie coworker who frequently comments that she feels like I can read her mind. When we're working together we talk very little to each other (less than we would with other NT coworkers) because we get most of the information we need nonverbally just by watching each other - probably a normal thing that NTs do with each other all the time and we as aspies only seem to be able to tap into it in a natural way with each other.

I know what you mean. I have noticed that aspies will often cross their arms and sometimes even pull in their legs when they are feeling comfortable--the opposite of NT behavior. I theorize that it feels like body pressure to them, like the good physical stim that comes from wedging oneself between couch cushions or something. Therefore, they fall into it when they feel relaxed.

Yes, you probably are picking up a whole bunch of little signals, not genetic ones but ones that develop from having the same neurological syndrome. My father is AS, and we hardly talk but can read one another's body language quite well. He thinks so, too. It was with him that I developed the theory of mental personal space.

The amazing thing is, these signals are so minute, and there is so much yet to be understood....

I have squeezed under my matress before, and stayed there for several minutes...

I'm sitting on my chair with my knees drawn up to my chest. I'm most comfortable this way even though it restricts my ability to get close to the desk.

I also prefer to lie down on the floor (on my stomach) to write or draw anything.

In coffee shops I will always try and avoid low tables or sofas because I need to be able to sit at a "desk" and draw.

Me too. Temple Grandin invented a machine that does this for her.

Yeah, so I've read... I kinda find that a little creepy.. hehe

I know I send off weird signals, and no one's been able to interpret them yet,

All i know is that i can understand cat body language very well. My dad never seems to be able to tell the difference between when the cat is trying to get out through the door or just curious. I have been able to successfully identify several aspies though.

I'm very good at deciphering dog language which is mostly body... I'm quite versed in their social structure... But can't seem to fully grasp the social structure of my own apparent species..Hmm go figure.

Well, I've been reading up more on this stuff, and man, it's unbelievable what people do that they're not conscious of with body language.

Small example: next time you sit down with an NT friend at a diner, and you sit on opposite seats in a booth, slide an object that belongs to you over onto his half of the table. Watch what happens. He'll move it if he can. NTs are programmed to hold their space, and they'll go subconsciously bonkers when you do this, but they won't remember it later or remember feeling uncomfortable and needing to move it.

There are countless more important and complicated ways people behave like this in groups. Surviving in groups is a function of being aware of and responding to literally thousands of subconscious signals and define your acceptabilty, your place, your function, etc. If, as I suspect--and reasearch seems to be confirming right now--aspies don't have much of the machinery to decode and send out these signals, then it's a miracle we are able to exist in society at all.

One of the things that drives me berserk is inconsistency in NTs, or selective memories as to what they've said or done. I seem to have a hard-drive in my head that records their views and can retrieve it for their delectation later.

The only other aspie I met in real life agreed with my diagnostics about politics, and it frustrated us both that the NTs around us allowed memories of good times to slip through their fingers and to be replaced with all the mud that was getting slung at us. They seemed too short-termist and were in denial - a bit like Eeyore for whom nothing ever can be put right. I suppose it's a way of coping with disappointment and I lack that mechanism, but on the other hand I was trying to pull them out of it and it's only now I'm allowing my Eeyore tendency to override the Tigger that I want to find again.