08 Mar 2009, 10:40 am
This is my first post. I am 47 years old, and not sure if I have AS or not, but I suspect so. My brother (45 years old) is profoundly autistic. I however, if I indeed have AS, would be deemed "highly functional". I am married (21 years) have a daughter, am very senior and well compensated in my profession (engineering, of course!), and I'm actually known among my colleagues as having excellent verbal and written ability. I am reasonably physically coordinated as well (I play drums, though admittedly not very well).
However, I never make eye contact with anyone unless I must, and when I do, I get overwhelmed (the non-verbal communication associated with eye contact seems to hit me like a loud noise - I am aware that there is non-verbal data being conveyed, and I can't seem to figure out what it means in real-time). I am almost incapable of small talk, but if you get me on a subject I like I can't be shut up (have you noticed?). I am very naive/lack "street smarts", and this has been a significant source of negative emotion for me because I am easily manipulated, but I am smart enough to figure it out later when it's too late. I tend to have intense focus on whatever it is I'm doing. I have come to regard myself as "socially ret*d".
I guess I'm tired of feeling bad about all this (47 years is long enough), hence the post. What I'm hoping for is to make a few contacts with folks who have some direct experience about things I can do to change the negative aspects of what I am (because there are a lot of positives that I want to keep!).
So - anyone have any advice on how I can start work on understanding non-verbal better?
Thanks!! !! !
08 Mar 2009, 10:48 am
Welcome to Wrong Planet!
Asperger's brains are wired in a different way. It's not our brain chemistry, but wiring. So, getting to understand nonverbal better is nothing I've ever been able to do and nothing I hope to do. I'm 40, diagnosed at 36 or 37 (don't remember.)
Over time, we can learn to compensate for our areas of weakness, however.
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08 Mar 2009, 6:16 pm
However, I never make eye contact with anyone unless I must, and when I do, I get overwhelmed (the non-verbal communication associated with eye contact seems to hit me like a loud noise - I am aware that there is non-verbal data being conveyed, and I can't seem to figure out what it means in real-time). I am almost incapable of small talk, but if you get me on a subject I like I can't be shut up (have you noticed?). I am very naive/lack "street smarts", and this has been a significant source of negative emotion for me because I am easily manipulated, but I am smart enough to figure it out later when it's too late. I tend to have intense focus on whatever it is I'm doing. I have come to regard myself as "socially ret*d".
I guess I'm tired of feeling bad about all this (47 years is long enough), hence the post. What I'm hoping for is to make a few contacts with folks who have some direct experience about things I can do to change the negative aspects of what I am (because there are a lot of positives that I want to keep!).
So - anyone have any advice on how I can start work on understanding non-verbal better?
Thanks!! !! !
Hey there. I'm a little astonished, what you've described about yourself is almost *exactly* the same as me. The only advice I can give you is to continue to analyze nonverbal behaviors relentlessly and attempt to recognize patterns in them. I've developed a somewhat artificial intuition about nonverbal behaviors, and while it's still very slow to register as it requires conscious effort on my part, I've found it to be just as accurate and even more precise than even the most socially adept at times. Try to direct your natural ability to focus intensely at registering and taking in behaviors, and ask yourself what thought processes or emotions might be producing such a behavior. It helps if you can study psychology and learn about these behaviors and the natural neurological and cognitive processes that motivate them, and particularly helps if you have people who you can ask about their behaviors and what they're feeling/thinking at the time. Just keep observing and thinking and working on your theory of mind; practice makes perfect.
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Only once you have traversed the path of darkness will you come to truly appreciate the light.
