any help and advice gratefully received

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Greetings and respectful salutations to the denizens of wrong planet!

Actually, despite the ridiculous opening line, I'd really appreciate any helpful advice you might be able to give me. I've been lurking on here for a while now, since I became somewhat suspicious that the AS profile might have certain distinct similarities with my own. Of course, I realise that a qualified professional is the only one able to actually make a valid diagnosis, but as actual people with the condition, I'm sure your advice would be very relevant. I've never really been able to explain how I felt to anyone, so I thought maybe if I tried to do that here, then maybe I'd be able to do it with a healthcare professional. I don't want to come across as self-obsessed – in reality, I dislike talking about myself intensely, and I promise I'll offer any help and advice (such as I can) to anyone in a similar situation in future.

I'm a 27 year old male from the UK. I live at home with my parents, and unfortunately have just been made redundant from where I worked as a lab technician. I think the routine and predictability of the work was allowing me to paper over the various cracks in my life; now that I'll have to find a new job and new direction I want to try and confront my problems and hopefully alleviate them, at least to some degree.

Possible AS traits :

I Feel that my thoughts aren't like others – more logical, can't deal with irrational behaviour easily, suffer from disappointment in humanity in general due to over idealism. I feel as if there's some mysterious substance staining the minds of others, causing irrationality, manipulative behaviour and other unpleasant differences in them. As a child I indulged in the fantasy that I was some kind of alien observer, sent to study the behaviour of the natives of a savage and peculiar society.

I Can't obtain a social life other than a small circle of friends, who I see every so often. Have never been able to form a meaningful relationship with member of opposite sex.

I Have intense trouble getting things done, have trouble starting mundane tasks and finishing them properly, get stressed very easily. Seem very vague and lacking in concentration from other people's point of view.

I Don't like being touched unless expected, don't like touching other people.

I Have trouble making the correct facial expression in conversation and avoiding creeping people out.

I Have difficulty sustaining anything more than a short conversation about anything unless I have a personal interest in it. I have a desire to explain thoughts on a subject in long and intensely complex monalogues, which always seem to be cut off just before I get to the point I was about to make. Don't want to take sides in an issue, (e.g. political) just want to understand.

I suffer from intense bouts of depression/anxiety (diagnosed and received treatment in the past) and I'm altogether too thin-skinned towards others' criticism.

I feel like I'm just pretending to be like everyone else, can't seem to explain my actions in a way others would find understandable. I feel like I've learnt all the ways I have of dealing with people like a computer running programs, feel like I'm not a real person, a fake one.

I'm somewhat malcoordinated in anything that involves stringing together many complex movements and anticipate things, can't seem to learn by watching others. This is not too severe a problem, though.

I scored very much in the direction of AS in the various online tests commonly referred to, particularly the “aspie test” one. Are these tests entirely reliable?

Not quite an AS trait, but I'm 100% certain I suffer from rythmic movement disorder, in that I suffer the symptoms described every night at a high level of intensity. Not an AS link exactly, but maybe indicates the possibility of neurological abnormality?

Possible reasons why I might not have AS:

Though I've always had obsessions, I don't know if they are as overwhelmingly intense as others seem to describe on this forum. PC based strategy games have always been something I'd call an obsession in me, I've used the absorption I can have in them to distract me from all the unpleasant feelings I can have, allowing me to build up some strength to face daily life. I love the logical world of strategy games, the ability to predict and control things in an entirely rational way. I was amazed by the aesthetic feel of the logic present in the design of the first games I played when I was a child, to me they seemed the most amazing shining light that pierced through the dull unpleasantness of life, far more interesting than interacting with the vast majority of people. I suppose playing hundreds of games of civilization 2 on your own for years may classify as on obsession, but still, I'm sure in a certain type of person this is not uncommon – a lot of people play games for large amounts of time, it doesn't make them an aspie. There are various other things that I've spent a year, or years, researching or taking a solitary interest in, (japanese language at one point) but I'm concerned that if I'd been as obsessive as some people report, particularly in early childhood my abnormalities would have been more likely to be scrutinised. Maybe you could share your thoughts on this?

I don't suffer from any seriously debilitating sensory issues, other than physical contact with people. OK, so this is still a pretty significant problem, but what I'm saying is that I don't have the over or under-sensitivity to stimulus that others report, or if I do, I'm able to deal with it well. The only abnormality I can remember down that line is that I have the ability to hear sounds at a higher frequency than average people (maybe this is dulling slowly with age, though). Actually, come to think of it, I do find the flickering of strip lights and low refresh rates on monitors very distracting and unpleasant, don't know if that qualifies or if everyone sees this. What I'm saying is, I don't necessarily identify with some of the sensory issues described on wrong planet.

I don't really have any massive difficulty reading the expressions on people's faces. I think I struggle to understand exactly what the reason for their emotions might be, or the fine details about their motives, and I do feel a sense of disconnection with those around me as I've previously described, but I'm not totally inept in reading people.

I once met, and spent a substantial amount of time with a guy who had AS. I didn't really know about AS at the time, but I happened to randomly find out that he had the condition. I find it difficult to really judge how others see me, but I could appreciate that his outward behaviour was much more markedly different from the norm than mine is (I think, anyway). His speech was quite stilted and pedantic, he had trouble engaging the interest of others, had obvious difficulty in reading others' emotions and had obvious coordination problems (don't think I'm saying anything bad about him, I got on well with him, and he was a nice person to know). I feel like I share a lot in common with him in a way, but I can hide the traits I might have had in common with him far more effectively than he could, implying that maybe they are not so severe. It appears he was diagnosed in childhood, so maybe that might have some effect? There is also the chance that any neurological differences between me and the typical are not great, and my problems are purely psychological, or entirely made up, due to me being a whiney and self-pitying person. This is always the doubt I suffer from, that there is in fact nothing wrong with me, and all of this is my own fault.

Well, sorry if that was a bit long, as I said, any advice you might have would be much appreciated. I just feel as if I need to take action to better understand myself and to actually get something out of life in general, I'm getting so sick of feeling bad. Thanks very much for reading this!

Welcome to WP!

Hey man!! !! Yeay we have another "lab coat" on the forum. Wait, maybe the first lab coat in which case even more glad to have you join us. Being a lab tech is no easy job - the female techies are always complaining that their job is "tedious in a bad way" It sounds to me like you were pretty good at your job - maybe the one little benefit of having aspie personality traits? Anyway, I'm impressed that you actually found a job where aspies might be able to find employment. Good for you man. You are still a young healthy guy, so things won't be so bad. Plus you've got support from parents so use their housing and food to the fullest extent. That's what parents are for.

BTW, my nuerotypical uncle is 31 and he had a girlfriend for ten years and all this time he lived with his mom and dad in a two bedroom. He just moved out when he turned 30. You are still three years younger than he is so you are fine. You've got plenty of time.

Welcome to WP! we have a lot of Lab Coats here, matter of fact!
even one of our moderators, LabPet, (and her mascot, V-8 ) is actively employed as one.


Merle

You are an Aspie. It is very clear from what you have said. You don't need an official diagnosis unless you will feel better about yourself with one.

I'm diagnosed and my obsessions have never been overpowering. I love animals and books but I wouldn't talk to someone for three/four hours straight about them. I like cooking but I don't talk much at all about it.

I wouldn't say anything to an employer about it if you can act like them and fit in, there is a lot of miss-information about people on the spectrum and people can act badly. Though bear in mind that would be what I would do and why I would do it that way.

Take care.

Welcome to WP!

Sounds like you're well on your way to becoming more articulate and self-aware, like me!

There's a lot for you to learn here. Things that other people just know automatically, we have to spell out for each other, but then we hang on to what we learn!

I haven't been officially diagnosed with anything. However, by thinking that I probably have AS, I have a model that explains all the weird things I said and did as recently as last week when I made a trip to MIT with friends. Things like not understanding why people place so much emphasis on clothing, making jokes that are funny only to me, using things I see on TV in real life with bad effect, avoiding confrontation with people, needing explanation of what people are experiencing so I can empathize instead of just automatically knowing, voice control issues etc.

It also gives me the comfort of knowing it's not something worse like schizophrenia or bipolar, which people have suspected of me (schizophrenia yesterday at the airport when my flight was bumped and I got a bit overwhelmed, bipolar a few years ago when one of my advisors became aware of my irregular sleep habits). Basically, I'm still normal and healthy, just a little different, perhaps in a good way if I can find a way to fit in.

Welcome to WP!

You do sound as though you are Aspergers. I would go into more detail, but I'm afraid I will be out of character and finish at that as I simply must get to bed.

Always good to see new members.

"Hello," the_limpet, and welcome aboard the Wrong Planet.

To WrongPlanet!! !

Thanks very much for your kind replies. I'm so paranoid I found it difficult to come back on here and see what was written (especially after spewing out all sorts of random personal information) but it was great to find people had written helpful and friendly stuff on here. I'd analyse what you've all said if not for the fact that I don't post all that much on forums and haven't mastered the art of doing quotes (though I'm sure it's probably ridiculously simple) and partly because I'm tired and I'd better go to bed (got job hunting related stuff to do tomorrow). I can't help but agree with what LostAlien said, though, I personally think that it's not vital to get a diagnosis if I can basically function among the general populous. I'd say I'm still a somewhat dysfunctional person in general, but it's a boost to my confidence to begin to accept that maybe some of the difficulties I had when growing up (and still do to some extent) weren't (and aren't) entirely my fault. Still, the only doubts I have are that in some way it would be nice to be able to explain my actions of the past to my family in a way that makes sense to them, ie in the context of neurological differences. It's not that the professional diagnosis would make any actual difference to my quality of life, the issue is feeling a sense of confidence that I indeed do have the condition, and so can see myself in that light, rather than that of a normal person that went unpleasantly wrong. It's hard in the latter scenario not to feel the pressure of some kind of sense of personal responsibility and blame, in that the choices I made entirely led to my present condition. Responsibility in the case of my determining I have AS would not disappear, but I'd no longer feel such a sense of guilt, and that I'm not entirely to blame, which would be nice.

As for whether I was good at my job or not relating to any aspie traits, I think in my case it was difficult to say. I took the job after I had to pull out of a university course for mental health reasons, mostly to get some stability, money coming in and the attempted avoidance of becoming clasifiable as an unhinged loon. I liked the work in general, though it could at times be dull, and it wasn't really the sort of thing I would ideally have chosen. I like repetition in general, and I miss the comfort and stability of the predictablility of things, but relationships with coworkers could sometimes be a challenge (though not so bad recently) and I felt plauged by doubts that the management regarded me as eccentric and lacking concentration, and that in many ways I was going nowhere in the job. It was a bit oppresive and I didn't feel I could ever really express any creativity, so maybe it's for the best I'm out of it. I want to strike out in a new direction, I'm just afraid of getting overwhelmed by the world and forced back into retreat. The only slightly sad feeling was that the place I used to work was the only place I ever really felt that I belonged at - I suddenly realised as the factory was being threatened by the credit crunch that people really did accept me there after all, they regarded me as one of them, after six years of being there. And sadly, that's all gone now.

Well, I've typed more than I intended, and more than I should probably ask people to read, but thanks again for replying, I'm off to bed.

Why would you feel guilt? Being different is not a crime. And it is clear as a glass bell to me that you're very lightly to be an Aspie. Try not to worry about it, if you can. Self diagnosis is fairly common to the best of my knowledge, I diagnosed myself prior to getting an official one. I got an official one for specific reasons which I won't go into but I knew already what my difference to others was called.

Lab Pet says hello the_limpet...& V8 says he'll be your lab partner


About your question(s): Wrong Planet is a good resource - might try the Haven or Social Skills/Making Friends. General Autism Discussion is always appropriate though.

Welcome!