New Member says "Hello!"

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I am new to this site, but not new to Asperger's. I am the mother of an almost 18 year old girl who was diagnosed at age 3 with PDD, then HF autism, and finally Asperger's. The labels have changed along the way, but for the most part, the behaviors remained the same. She was also diagnosed at age 6 with Hyperlexia.
I joined this site with hopes of getting my daughter to also join and maybe meet others with interests like hers. She loves music, the internet, reading, and typing. Our major issue is that aside from school, she does not want to leave the house. We would like her to make some friends and do some activities, but as we all know, she has to do it on her own terms.

Welcome to WrongPlanet. I have found this site to be extremely helpful, I hope you do too.

I am also new, and this is my first post. Still not sure if I have this Asperger's, I only know I have not been well socially for the entirety of my life, and now I learned about this condition, whose description seems to match.
I also think that the depression I fell into may be the result of 30+ years of failures in interacting with other human beings in a non-disciplined context, as a result of my inability to empathize and understand group behaviour, group rules and group roles.

I chose to answer to your message, because I wish my parents would have had the amount of info there is today about these problems when I was young, although I don't know if anything really helps. They did notice my lack of friends and the way I was overly concentrated in things probably unsuited for my early age [computer programming, back when there was no internet, and it was a very introverted and introverting experience].

Like your daughter, I never want[ed] to leave the house, as everything outside was just a source of stress and social disappointment for me.
I went to school, of course, and eventually my dad got me into a scout-like group. It was a little more protected, with more caring supervision than school, so I guess this helped me a little bit, although it was still stressful and painful for me to watch the other kids interact emotionally so quickly.

What really moved me into answering you was your last sentence : "she has to do it on her own terms".
That reminded me of my mother, who was protecting me from things, and taking my side.
However, if I did not have my father forcing me to try some things, I would have had far less experiences, and I would have been possibly even worse. So I guess what I wanted to convey was, "my own terms" would have been always "I want to stay home".

I am still currently at 0 close friends (I have some distant friends and I get along with coworkers mostly), but I eventually learned to successfully function and survive, so apart from a constant deep depression, I am now living and working as a software engineer. I am going to seek some diagnosis for my problems soon, probably starting with psychological help, and asking for a test or something for AS or similar things, in order to see if there's some way to mitigate my problems and hopefully find some way to express myself socially.

Welcome to both of you.

Friends > activities. I've done the 0 close friends thing before (and that's where I'm at now), and it's not much fun.

You are probably right. Sometimes I like to think that I can do without, and that with the passing of years the pain will eventually go away or I'll get used to it, but it does not seem to work.

Welcome to WP!

I should probably try to make some friends, but my location and situation are going to change a lot in just under a year, so I'll probably wait until then.

There are things you can do that help, though. Talking to people on the internet helps me, even if it isn't quite the same.

cl7-

When I said that my daughter has to do things on her own terms, perhaps what I meant was in her own time and in her own way. Kyleigh's usual MO is to freak out at the first mention of a new activity and stomp off. Later,(maybe that same day, maybe a week or month later) she may mention it again. If I mention it at a later date, she responds in a more calm manner. Finally, she will do it or she won't. If she chooses not to, she will explain why.(or at least try to explain) If it is something we feel is important, we may try again. possibly in a different way. We don't try to push her as much as direct her. Does that make sense? I am currently trying to get her to visit this site. I think she will like it. She was resistant to Facebook at first, and now she loves it!

Thank you for your input. This is exactly what I was looking for--a different perspective.

Thanks to all who welcomed me.

Sheredia, It makes a lot of sense. Actually this resonates a lot with me.
When asked about trying something new, my default answer was always no, and a burst of anger directed at the one asking the question (normally, my father), especially if asked too directly, and I had a sense that they were trying to help me, or that something was already decided _for_ me.

I guess that the most difficult job for you is to discern when there are real reasons behind a refusal besides lack of interest.
Sometimes I had exaggerations or irrational fears in my mind, and this kept me from trying something I might have liked, for example because I was sure that "they would never accept someone like me".

Happy to hear about she being able to make use of Facebook, I guess that it's another open window to meet people with similar interests. I am not able to use those social sites; forums are also not my bread and butter, but I wanted to try.

Btw is she already gravitating towards some very particular interests? Sorry if my English is not perfect btw, I am not a native speaker.