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Hi,

I am the mother of 16 year old son that was diagnosed with AS a month ago. He has had a long history of other mental health issues, of which he still has...bi-polar, ADHD, and now a new one Parent-Child Issues (?).

I have joined this community for support and to learn what Asperger's is all about. I am thinking, after reading a few other posts, that this forum may be a great place for him to come when he gets home from residential treatment.

I am looking forward to meeting ya'll.

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A little about me...

I am a registered nurse that works in the endoscopy lab. What is that? Well, the Endo lab as we like to call it, is the place where people go to have colonoscopies (tubes stuck where the sun doesn't shine). We do other procedures there also but that is the most common procedure.

I have 3 children total...my oldest, 16 male with AS, 12 yo male stepson that doesn't live with me, and a 10 yo daughter.

I love animals. I have an 18 mth old long hair german sheperd dog and a 14 yr old lassapoo. I love cats but can't have one because my husband is allergic to them.

I love to going to the beach and walking in the surf. The sound of the waves crashing on the shore is the most relaxing thing to me. I love to go white water rafting. Photography is one of my hobbies. Hiking is also something I really enjoy.

Hi and thank you for your service in the difficult, but important nursing profession.

I sent you a private message. It's at the top right corner of your screen. Check it out!

You are probably not going to like what I am about to say though.

I am not sure if you are asking for advice, but I'll go ahead and say that I know many nurses and that many of them have issues setting clear limits with their male children. Nurses I know, are stuck in abusive, dysfunctional communication patterns with their kids. I know quite a few nurses who are verbally abusive to their kids, or overcontrolling/domineerings (which constitutes emotional abuse because it does not allow the child to take initiative on his own and develop - they teach this in nursing school btw). The type of parent I see is tyrranical and at the same time lenient. Like the mom will fight the son about washing dishes, yell at him and so on, and he will misbehave back, but at the end of the day, the son does not was duishes, ends up crossing more boundaries and has not learned anything at all.

I see a pattern with nurses I know - often their daughter goes to college and gets a PhD, while their son ends up partying through all through his twenties. Somehow, the nurse's can't translate patient handling skills into parenting skills.

Of course, your son has legitimate psychiatric issues and you are doing your best. In fact, you being a nurse and pulling in a nice steady income and taking care of things at home earns you a monument of appreciation. But hopefully, if you read my post, it may break some of the thinking patterns that so many parents are stuck and maybe help you think in different ways.

Also it is very common for moms of kids with disabilities to fail to set limits for them. Remember though, that setting limits means that you don't yell and that you are nice, but firm, serious - you look the child straight in the eye and reason with them. You do not take no for an answer, but you never abuse them or make them feel small or powerless. In fact, setting limits is a time for you to help your kid develop his skills, feel better as a person, become empowered. Limits also make kids feel safe. Kids need structure. You can bargain with him how he will wash the dishes and when. Give him choices so he has some power to decide.

Glad to meet and welcome you to the Wrong Planet neighborhood, endonurse541.

Welcome.

Welcome to WP!

To WrongPlanet!! !

Lots of different opinions here. I hope you'll have a good time on WrongPlanet. You sound like you have a lot of things going on in your life right now.