Greetings, everyone. Now, I didn't have any real reason to believe I'm ''affected'' except the conclusions that came to me through introspection and research. By trying to figure out why I can't seem to relate to the most of the synthetic outside world - the one imposed on us by the herd, feel threatened 24/7 by the system I despise, have a tough time not becoming bored after 2 minutes of talking to most of the people, why this low self-esteem and fear, why the constant anxiety etc. (just to name a few), it became obvious to me soon enough that I was not only neurotic and obsessive/compulsive; there was something else. A few days ago I mentioned Asperger's to my mother, and could hardly believe when she said ''Well, your grandpa and grandma had it, I have it, it's not a big deal. I always thought you were ''special'' (this word has negative connotations when it comes to this, it seems), nothing more''. It was sweet of her, but people tend to describe it as ''weird''. Although I kinda like it =D. I'm having a hard time fitting in socially, and can't hold on to a job for too long as its resemblance to slavery sickens me. I can't stay offline long enough to stand it. Thus I'm ridiculously poor, which I don't really care for. The only thing I have is my guitar. Yeah, I'm gifted in music; my ex-band was pretty successful (I left my hometown). I feel people intensively, but can't put it in words unless it's formed as a song. The real problem is that I stutter (not too much), so there's always a significant setback present when it comes to meeting new people, or if there's a need to solve something verbally. Now, all of above might be just a result of this, maybe not, I can't say for sure. But since there's Asperger's in my family I feel kinda relieved. I may not be so wrong after all.
Cheers.
_________________
The struggle to free myself of restraints becomes my very shackles
04 May 2009, 6:14 am
