Zen, donkeys, dogs, and me

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Just last week I was identified as an Aspie... explains a lot of my life of 50+ years, though there's still lots to sort out. One being whether or not to tell others, when and how. Advice and experience welcome on that score.

Something about me... I'm a 50+ lesbian in a long term relationship (just can't get enough of being an oddball, apparently), I live in the country, have 4 Mammoth donkeys, 2 dogs, and am working up a large veg garden, though all the other critters that live in the country make that a challenge.

I'm a Zen student, was training for ordination but this diagnosis pretty much puts that whole idea in question... my dearly loved teacher is a no-formist (wouldn't you just know it?) who feels her whole teaching is about empathy and fluidity. Could I have picked anything more challenging? (':roll:')

I'd really like to connect with other zennies and country folk, but everyone else who is traveling down this path is also welcome...

Blessings,
DB

Last edited by DonkeyBuster on 13 May 2009, 8:37 am, edited 1 time in total.

Welcome to Wrong Planet, DonkeyBuster!

Nice to meet you, DB, and welcome to the Wrong Planet neighborhood.

To WrongPlanet!! !

Nice to know there's some older folks around here...
So when did y'all find out, come out, get out...


DB

Hi ya. Welcome too, darl. Just one question - what are mammoth donkeys? Do they have tusks?..........................

No, but that'd be interesting for sure! A mammoth donkey is a size distinction... there's miniature, standard, and mammoth. The standards are the size of your basic wild jackass, the mammoth's are the size of horses. The photo is of my Great White Ass 'Levi' in harness.

What a pretty ass!

Handsome!! ! He's handsome...
He's a he, not a pretty she. I have one of those, too.

I hope Levi doesn't have a gender crisis on me now... The males can get so weird about being mistaken for females... just joking.

Hi! Donkeys! Especially big ones!! Wow I love them, wanted to get some myself but had very wet clay land (which they hate) and then no land because I split up with my partner...I had dogs (15) horses (5) and vegetables too. Recently self/GP diagnosed at 58. I do zen, but not in a committed way - just kind of makes sense sometimes. Welcome

Oooo, another zennie... even just a little bit is nice to meet. And veggies... I'm trying to get my second bed planted today, but as always it's taking longer than I anticipated. I had to stop turning the soil to come in and start dinner in the crockpot... sloppy joes tonight! Yum. Now its lunch time, and then I'll get back out to the garden.

Some little vermin has been eating my pea seeds as they sprout. Grrr >:P

What was your response to being identified as AS? It's really shaking up my little world; I think I just gave my zen teacher the perfect reason to give me the ol' heave-ho... she describes her teaching as all about empathy and fluidity. Aspies need not apply, apparently; I've studied with her for 8 years and now I'm non compos mentis. So I'm feeling pretty defective right now...

Hi, sorry for delay, I don't get online at weekends at the moment (just got a phone with net access so that could change if I can get used to the darn thing!)

I am speechless re your zen teacher...what the heck happened to non-judgement and unconditional and just letting things be what they are...my advice fwiw? Give HER the heave-ho...
Difficult I know after 8 years. But she really shouldn't judge you like that. What if you hadn't told her? She hadn't picked anything up...

The 'no empathy' thing made me a bit unsure, because I think I do have empathy - but maybe not in a conventional sense. Or maybe I just don't act on it the way people would like me to...
Try not to start defining yourself by other peoples judgements (something I had to really keep reminding myself of) you are still you - I think knowing about the AS just helps to avoid certain situations that are stressful, and also to go 'oh, THAT'S why' about some of the ways you feel and react.
Just my experience so far.

I didn't mind finding out - actually quite a relief, I may be on the wrong planet but it was apparently a pretty big spaceship that crashed (as opposed to the solo pod I thought I had arrived in for over half a century!)

I do tell people - not everyone (though I did go through a phase of wanting to lol, I have a tendency to share anything with anyone sometimes!) Not got a lot of people in my life at the moment, they have been more or less ok except my mum (but I would say she has it too, in major denial though)
Mostly I got something along the lines of 'I don't think you have it' at first which really ticked me off ...but they mostly are accepting.
How no-one picked it up in me I don't know, although it wasn't well known when I was a child, and I have learnt to adapt a bit. I scored 177 on the aspie test, mega high on all the others I have taken, so...

You aren't defective! Just different. Boring if we were all alike.

Peas - if it was pre-sprouting I'd say a mouse, but...could be...some birds like pea sprouts. Actually just about everything likes pea sprouts I guess! (Yummy)
I haven't got a garden at the moment, kind of miss it but I don't think I could cope with it tbh. Probably forget to water it or something!

Thanks so much for the encouragement, it's very much appreciated. I'm feeling a little more myself today, though not quite up to being out in the world yet. We did an errand run into town today and it just flat wore me out.

Unfortunately, we've both been struggling with the discord my presence seems to create in the sangha for quite some time... we just hadn't known what was going on. It's complicated, and I don't want to make her out to be a judgemental ogre... it's not like that. She's frustrated and worn out after so long of trying to get me to follow instructions; I've tried, but I haven't been able to. Now we realize it's in part because the instructions weren't concrete enough. And it's her sense that it's not going to be workable, as my fixation on the ritual aspects feel too rigid for her style.

We're also very good friends, and she wants to keep that up, but living half way across the country I don't know that that is going to happen and I think that upsets me as much as loosing the routine we have together (4 retreats a year). My teacher is really a sweetie, and is right now traveling with a bag full of books about AS, and surfing the web to learn more.

It's just that she's identified her style as formless (which seems absurd to me, there's always a form) and empathic... NT empathic.

Yeah, the empathy thing feels that way to me too; it's there, just different. It's not a gooey sticky emotional thing... it's more just feeling/seeing someone's pain.

About the peas... yeah, I think it's mice. They were under a row cover, so it's not birds. The only other option is gophers... and I've trapped and killed a couple in the last couple of days around that bed.

Boy, I wish I could show you my green house... it's my passion at the moment.

What's your passion?