Would appreciate help...

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Hello everyone,

I am 18 years old and desperately searching for help for the depressing behaviors I experience. A little back story first before I explain my symptoms. In the past, I was once diagnosed for ADD, but after taking a test found that I had off-the-chart level of concentration which meant that I was misdiagnosed. However, I still am diagnosed as having high anxiety disorder, but discontinued my medication 4 years ago. Although never diagnosed, in the middle school years I had a bad case of anorexia nervosa, and now struggle with a pattern of binge, fast, binge, then purge. Often the binging doesn't subside for weeks and could be described more as compulsive overeating. Also, I have always been described as being a perfectionist, and as I have gotten older, grades have regressed from straight A's to B's and C's, supposedly due to my perfectionist qualities.

The issues I am struggling with currently is that I am never satisfied with myself. I have a negative voice that haunts me and a daydream voice that depresses me since I want to escape my surroundings. I am deeply afraid of not being able to take care of myself and survive on my own and feel I must get everything right in order to do that. I still deal with anxiety attacks, although much less since the middle school years. The anxiety attacks can range from a fit of tears where I can't breathe to hysterical laughter and certain repetitive motions (i.e. walking back and forth or in a circle, hitting or scratching myself, hitting a wall). I have always had trouble with friendships. In elementary school I had a funny way of speaking, in middle school I was very quiet and reclusive often find myself to be blunt and saying the wrong thing, humor has never been my forte and many friends have blatantly said to my face that I am too serious and not fun to be with. In group settings, I have the most difficulty. But if it is a close friend, one-on-one I can easily speak, but still am often made fun of for different features of my speech, but this does not bother me as much as other things. When I was younger I was extremely empathetic, but it seems in my high school years have regressed in that as well. I’m not sure what else to share with you, but would like for you to ask me questions which could help me figure out whether I do have AS or some other disorder.

Welcome.

Worrying about worry, stressing out about stress, and/or being anxious about anxiety is a vicious cycle. Realizing that much of your worry is a reaction to your worrying all the time, and is therefore baseless, might help.

I remember recently hearing that one of the major causes of depression is the feeling of not being in control. One thing that's helped me a lot is accomplishing really simple things. Like taking out the trash. It really isn't a major accomplishment, but it all depends on the spin you put on it in your mind. Just a little accomplishment during the day, even if it's only the one thing, can really help -- you can silence the voice in your head that says you're worthless because you can't even handle taking out the trash.

I don't know how much of this applies to you, but it helped me.

I am not certain if have Asperger's Syndrome but, you definitely have many mental health issues.

First of all, you should truly go back on the medication that you were taking for anxiety and depression. Medication does help you think clearer when you are in a less anxious state of mind. Some anti depressants will help you with the eating disorder that can easily take control over you. There is nothing wrong with needing medication. Wouldn't you take medication if you had Diabetes, Heart Disease or some other chronic life condition? Go back to seeing a therapist on a regular basis.You need someone to talk to and who can assist you with your own unique set of challenges and difficulties.

Find something that you like to do that will keep you busy and give you a meaningful sense of purpose. Do some VOLUNTEER
work at a local hospital, at an animal shelter, a nursing home, a youth center, a soup kitchen, the list is endless. Learn a new
hobby. Develop a talent you have...crocheting, knitting, gardening, etc. Discover new places through the books in your local
library.Or volunteer at your local library offering to re-shelf the books that are returned.

Best of luck to you!

Thank you for the friendly welcome Ancalagon. I'll give what you said a try.

Zsazsa, the reason I mentioned all of my previous diagnosis and such is because I feel that the issue goes deeper than the apparent anxiety and eating disorder. Yes, I have issues. I can not take the anti-anxiety and anti-depressants because they cause too many side effects, that's why I discontinued. As for your question about being sick and taking medication, not everyone believes in medication and can just make changes in their diet and lifestyle and cure themselves that way. I'm a firm believer in treating the source of the problem and not just the symptom if that makes any sense. As for the therapist... I may need to go back is right. I always feel like it's a waste of money though. There's a problem with doing volunteer work and finding a hobby, because whatever I do, I wind up criticizing myself about it until I can't take the failure anymore and finally quit. I feel like I can't do anything right... like people will be much safer, much better without me around. I see no point to life if I'm not able to do what I want to do, but because everything I like I discover I can't do without f*****g it up somehow, I just end up feeling worthless and incapable and undeserving of this life.

Hi -- well, nobody can diagnose you over the web. Here's my $0.02 worth:

Who knows if you have AS? Doesn't matter compared to the magnitude of your difficulties. Which you need to get under control. Right now, the only "psycho-active" meds I'm on are clonazepam (AKA, in the US, Klonopin), a valium-like drug, for chronic anxiety and Provigil (again a US name, wikipedia can tell you what it's called if you're from elsewhere). The clonazepam does have some side effects, but they're not too bad. The SSRI's (prozac, paxil, etc., etc.) can have ill-effects that are truly unbearable: all the effects of each of these drugs is unique to each individual. Also there are studies out there which show that they effectiveness is in the 40-60% range--about the same as placebo. Only you know whether you can tolerate the ill-effects (I will not call them side-effects, that's Newspeak to me). On the other hand, SSRI's and related drugs do seem to work for lots of people. The "atypical" meds (Risperdal, Zyprexa, etc) can have effects ranging from somewhat helpful to unpleasant to life-destroying: only you know what's bearable or helpful to you.

In my opinion you need to see a therapist who can prescribe meds, for a while at least. The most important thing is living a life you can at least tolerate. Personally I couldn't live with the levels of anxiety I'd have w/out the clonazepam (for example, I might not be able to sleep). If you haven't tried a benzodiazapine (like Klonopin, Valium) etc, maybe you can talk your therapist into prescribing you some. They're addictive, but many people (millions) use one of them for years and then successfully withdraw. Maybe one of them would help you. Also a good therapist, while hard to find, can be a good thing: somebody to talk to, after all, is for some of us not an easy thing to find.

As for techniques that could help you get along, I'm currently in DBT therapy (Wikipedia and Google are your friends), which basically teaches lots of concrete techniques for getting by. May not be right for you, who knows? May not be available. Meditation is a good thing, whatever your religious or non-religious persuasion (I mean, everybody's got a mind). There's lots of New-Agey stuff out there about mindfulness, but mindfulness itself is a good thing. Also, of course, there's distraction. Is there anything that draws you out of your internal world? If there is, do it more, whether it's reading detective novels or watching movies or running or nature walks. That gnawing feeling of guilt is, for me, my worst enemy (maybe, there are so many to choose from). Reject it

I realize I've only tried to address a portion of your post, but it was the part I have personal experience with.

Finally, if you find yourself in therapy or faced with people who say it's all your fault, you have "bad" habits of thoughts that you need to change, you may need to find new therapy, new people. They have a point, but only a small one: of course it's all in your head, isn't everything? What you need to learn first and fastest is what works for you to help you right now, not the (possibly unknowable) root causes of your hardships. Again in the US, Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) seems (to me) to be all about blaming the sufferer: I'll have none of it. I wish you all the best.

To WrongPlanet!! !

Hello, and welcome to the Wrong Planet, belle_enigma.

Welcome to WP!

I'm sorry I can't help you, but I can say hello, and welcome.