Autistics really don't understand idle chatter

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All right, a lot of autistics don't understand the concept of idle chitchat, and sometimes I find people's literal thinking here a bit exhausting.

Often I start a thread just for the sake of a discussion, or a way to get thoughts off my chest anonymously. I don't want advice or criticism, I just want discussion. Like chatting, gossip, etc.

A lot of autistics have the "if they're not hurting anyone/if they're not affecting you then so what?" attitude about everything, and think that you should only post about someone if they're affecting you or if they're hurting people, otherwise, you can't talk about them. Then there's the "how would you like it if people gossiped about you to a bunch of strangers on a forum?" People probably have done just that, or they probably gossip about me at work when I'm not there, but as long as I don't know for sure and it isn't potential bullying, I probably wouldn't care. Not all gossip is malicious. I like to gossip. I find people fascinating. I have an interest in people. But on WP it seems like I'm not allowed to have an interest in people unless they affect me in some way.

Some of my threads (the ones that aren't rants) are just idle chitchat. I find idle chitchat and gossiping so much easier with NTs because they just listen and join in and we bond. Would I get less of the "so what's it got to do with you?" attitude if I posted idle chitchat stuff in the random discussion?

Why don’t you try it and see what happens?

Agree why don’t you start a Joe’s chit chat thread as opposed to different threads. There becomes so many on here that it’s mind boggling. It can keep running. Maybe, I dunno.

That's a good idea actually. But wouldn't it be better suited in the social skills and making friends section?

Surely there are some unusual, NT-like spectrumers like me who are interested in people and gossip!


By the way the site won't let me quote properly for some reason? I edited it and did it again but still like that?

Yes I think that section is a good idea. It is the aim of your thread and I am sure there are others who will chit chat. I love to chit chat.

Haha! on the quoting subject - that took me ages to understand and I’m still not there but hey what’s the big deal - anything goes

[Moderator]
Quoting fixed.

I think it's just people in general. As I'm autistic, and have no issues not being tight lipped, and speaking up over some foul crap, and things that aren't right. (Maybe chalking it up to me being black and gay, and dealing with a lot of issues in my youth but yeah.) But it's okay if people are more strict and stern about their values, vices, and virtues, and are more meager, and were probably raised differently, (regardless if they are atypical or normie or whatever etc.) and told to mind their business on things. etc.

But OP, I've also noticed that here on WP too. But maybe I should just realize that's how things roll here, and not everyone is going to share or input their thoughts on particular issues. OP it's okay, I do know where you're coming from. I'm not one of those people, and I try to be the maverick/black sheep person, and I don't sweep issues under the rug.

I understand what you mean OP.

Sometimes I feel I get criticised more here because I'm British. Not for being British, but because there may be some things we say or do that non-British people may not be familiar with, it gets misinterpreted as being racist or judgemental or whatever.

Or it might be the fact that I am quite NT for an Aspie and if this were an NT forum I'd probably be more understood.

I've had others criticize me, bully me, & put me down a lot for being different. I've also been a victim of nasty rumors & some hateful accusations. That's a reason I don't like gossip & idle chatter. I can not speak for other autistics but I suspect that's a factor for others as well.

I hate to say this but this site is really starting to get on my nerves. No members in particular, and no specific threads in particular.
It's annoying when I have to keep repeating myself in my threads explaining something and people still keep giving me the same answers. And the answers are hardly what I want to hear, people just see the logical sense instead of seeing it from an emotional point of view. Sometimes I focus on the principles of situations, not the laws of physics. Principles are usually irrational and sound trivial but are actually the most important point of the situation. Some people on the spectrum don't seem to get that. That, or they make up social rules that don't exactly exist then say that I'm autistic so won't understand, and that ruffles my feathers.

Maybe I don't belong here any more. Maybe I've outgrown my Asperger's and I'm finally ready to join the NT crowd for real. I do seem to have a satisfying social life since I last posted about me having no friends. Maybe I've become NT all of a sudden. But even if that has happened, I still don't want to leave my autistic friends behind here.

Sorry you feel like this Joe and I hope you stay to continue your input. It is valuable. Principles of situations IMO are important for some people to understand social circumstances and interactions. I wish I had access to internet when younger to read some of what is posted here without learning it the hard way myself every time. Maybe I wouldn’t be so exhausted

I will stay but I'm just not going to start new threads for a while because it seems to be the wrong thing and then I end up getting discontented with some responses. I'm starting too many new threads on impulse.

It seems that most autistics here don't seem to see the emotion behind the point I'm trying to make. For example if I post something ranting about a bus going by not in service, it doesn't mean I'm asking why or not understanding the reason why (I know that buses sometimes need to be brought back to their depot which may be off-route), but Aspies here will still point that out as if to say "all you worry about is yourself!" I know NTs do this too but it seems more frequent on this forum (and probably other autism sites). When I'm chatting with NTs on Facebook or somewhere they seem to relate to the emotion I'm basing my thoughts on and just agree with me, like "I know the feeling!" instead of a lecture like "you can't expect to bow down to you!"
I wasn't expecting the world to bow down to me, I was just expressing how I felt about something. How you feel Vs how something is are often two different things.

Or if I say on WP about my nerves when vehicles with sirens are approaching in the street, and Aspies are like "they need to put their sirens on, someone could be dying and all you're worrying is about yourself", where as most of the time most NTs will just agree with me and understand that I'm only expressing how I feel about something, not what things should and shouldn't do.
A wise NT once told me that feeling sympathy for everybody in the world will exhaust you out and there is nothing wrong with thinking of yourself sometimes. Shame some people on WP don't realise that.

Perhaps when you make threads, state clearly that you only want responses from people who agree with you and can relate to how you feel.

How do you handle it when people in real life don't react in the way you want them to?

Well I suppose I'm less assertive in real life than I am on WP. But for some reason I don't get so wound up about it in real life, maybe because vocal conversations are easier when relating to people. Also I have a hard time explaining things using big words, and many Aspies here seem to use big words that have emphasis on the point they're trying to make. I get frustrated here because I'm trying to elaborate using boring simple words and I don't feel heard.

Try not to worry too much about how you express yourself - there is absolutely nothing wrong with it. I don't think the issue lies with the words you use as you're expressing yourself clearly.

If it makes you feel any better, I hardly ever express myself in big words. I muddle my words a lot and my punctuation and grammar can suck.

As you are probably aware of Joe, autism affects women differently than men sometimes. It's one of the reasons men are diagnosed 4x more than women. NT women tend to crave the kind of social interaction your craving right now more than NT guys do but there are plenty of exceptions of corse, I'm not sure about autistic women thou. Perhaps there's some autism sites that are more geared towards women than men. It seems to me that the members on here have been this way since I joined. I just looked at our joined dates & we both joined a couple months apart which is a long time. Perhaps your getting burnt out on this site & taking a break for a bit would be helpful weather it's spending time on a different site or being more social offline with friends, family, & your boyfriend. I def feel burnt out on WP sometimes but at this point in my life WP is not a high priority for me even if it may appear that way cuz I still spend a lot of time here sometimes. I go through phases where I spend more time on here than others. I spend time on here to fill the void when there's nothing I need to do or nothing I really want to do offline. I hope my posts did not upset you Joe. I know I come off rude sometimes when I don't want to be. I've had problems on other sites when I was trying very hard not to seem rude but I still got in trouble. I guess I gave up worrying about it here since I'm more accepted here than anywhere else without even trying to sound pleasant. FWIW I think your a great asset to this community but I understand about you needing/wanting a break or just something different rite now & I really wish you the best of luck with whatever you do.