Partner's forum

Post Reply New Topic

I see what you're saying.

I would agree with your statements if applied to my original suggestion. However, I don't think having one area dedicated would have any more detriment than having a forum for Adult, In-depth Adult, or Women's, etc. Are women less likely to talk to men if they post in the Women's section? (Relevant aside: I recongnize men are welcome, but I always feel like I'm spying just by looking there, let alone posting.) It seems to me, that your arguement could be applied to someone going to any relationship support site (be it women/men going to women's/men's support site, or NT/Aspies going to NT/Aspies site), and that your reasoning could be applied to having WP is detrimental to the Aspies who post about relationships, if their partners and/or a significant number of NT's don't post replies (and I do recognize counter-arguements to this last statement).

My partner asked about support sites for NT partners. She said she'd prefer not WP because it's "mine". I don't know if there's more to it or not, or if an NT section (again, dropping the idea of no-Aspie zone) would help with that or not. But I would dang sure prefer she post here, than on some site that professes to be a support site, but is just a bitch-fest. I think providing a separate area would facilitate communication, by providing a "safe" area for NT's to get information, and discuss whatever issues they may be having. (She didn't provide much explanation why she wanted one, except the obvious of "wanting support".)

[edit: added] What about having a general AS/NT relationships forum, with a description that includes NT's getting support, or at the least specifying they are welcome to participate? (Remember, many of those seeking help, especially NT's, are new to WP, and don't know they are welcome in general.) It could be easily worded so not to imply it's the only place they're welcome.

Love and dating description* has always had a less serious relationship feel to me...

*Whether you're a smooth-talking Adonis or a lonely heart, this forum can be used for discussing relationships and romance.

Slightly relevant aside to that one: Since the Women's Discussion section topics show up on the front page, sometimes guys post there without even noticing the section.


I'm not sure how to go about responding to that when you recognize the counter-arguments.
A significant number do post replies. There are frequently NTs who come here to ask about their aspie partner, or to ask if their partner may have AS, and then stick around to reply to other posts. The purpose of WP is to have a place for people on the spectrum, near the spectrum, or who think they may be on or near the spectrum to have a place to talk, but there are a significant number of NTs who arrive to ask questions and stay to answer some too.
My point is that since aspies and NTs do post about issues relating to relationships between aspies and NTs, creating another section for conversations that already have a place to happen seems superfluous. There are arguments for and against it, but if there's not much need for it and it's not part of the general goal of the site, it doesn't seem logical.


This seems to me like another reason why not. If she doesn't want to intrude on WP because it seems like it's yours, a section for NT partners isn't going to change that. If she wants someplace that's "hers" it wouldn't make sense for that place to be a subsection of the place that's yours. I think that NTs who are comfortable posting on WP will, and those who aren't comfortable posting in an autism community wouldn't be much more comfortable just by having a section.


Yea, Love and Dating is that way.. generally topics about long-term relationships, marriage, living together, anything like that, go in In-Depth Adult Life.

You seem to make a great deal of arguments based on assumptions. You assume that people (NT's specifically) have no need for a support forum. You assume that if one were available here, no additional NT's would make use of it. You assume that having an NT oriented forum would cause more problems than solve. All these arguements are false. I offer WP as an example, a forum site for a specific group of people, heavily used, that argueably has helped many relationships. In addition, though clearly stastically invalid, I offer my partner as an NT who would be interested in such a place, therefore making any arguements based on "no one" etc. invalid. The question then becomes "how many".

You arguements about the proposed forum being superfulous is also based on assumptions. I have not done a thread/post count directly related to AS/NT relationships, but there are a large number. I feel confident that there are nearly as many or more than the jobs forum (should be folded into Adult) or Stats (should be folded into introductions forum). In addition, you come close to admitting there actually is no generally accepted appropriate place for discussions of serious relationships problems in general. Threads about it get scattered through several forums.

Therefore the logical thing to do would be to create a new forum for serious relationships, and do thread/post counts. After a suitable time to determine accurate numbers, a hand count survey can be performed to determine the number that are AS/NT relationships and how many are by NT's.

[edit: add] I would post a poll in the In-Depth section asking NT's if they would be interested, but I'm not sure it would be appropriate.

roguetech,

I'm sorry if I offended you--I didn't mean to. Things just didn't come out right, as usual.

Bill

I do not assume any of those things. I just know one thing: that WP is an aspie-oriented forum. Based on that, I say that an NT-oriented section wouldn't really make sense.
I never made any of the assumptions that you claim I made. Of course NTs have need of a support forum, and there are a great number of such forums.

I won't say it didn't annoy me, but it sums up all the arguements against quite succintly... It seems you and others view WP as "yours". Not "ours", and certainly not "everyones". From my perspective, it wouldn't matter whether I'm AS or NT in regards to either the need (or lack of need) to consider my proposal. Since it's yours, you'd prefer NT's stay clear, and should any visit, they should remain silent. If they don't remain silent, they shouldn't say anything you disapprove of. I find it...interesting... one who self-admittadly does not love was so vehematly opposed.

I have neither the time nor the inclination to find quotes of those things I stated. WP is an aspie-oriented forum, therefore providing a service to Aspies (via their partners) in not remiss, especially as there are no forums focused NT support/help that I've been able to find (within the first 5 pages of .Google).

I don't recall reading anything of the sort. The argument was that a separate section would not be appropriate here, and that such threads fit in just fine in the existing forums.



Maybe you need different search terms. I had no problem at all.

I searched: partners of asperger's forums

http://forums.delphiforums.com/ASPartners

I disagree with arguing that such a forum is a service to Aspies. No, it's a service to those using it. Which may or may not be helpful for the aspies in relationships with forum users.

That isn't my position, and I apologize for not making myself more clear.

WP is neither "yours," nor "ours," nor "everyone's"--it is Alex Plank's alone to maintain as he sees fit, or to dispose of entirely if he wants. I certainly have not lost perspective of that fact.

I do not care who participates here, and I certainly don't expect everyone to agree with my views.

What I objected to was your initial proposal about creating a "no-Aspies allowed" subforum, and that was the point I had in mind but failed to communicate. I note that you did "retract" that original proposal before my second post, and I apologize for missing that.

The statement not to demand more was a clear implication of control, if not ownership.

Delphi forums are not forums in the modern sense, but closer to news groups, or as my partner put it, "a mess". WP is a "community for Autism and Asperger's"... Not a "community for the benefit of Autistics and Asperger individuals". If it is helpful to anyone, let alone Aspies, then it has more intrinsic value than most threads on WP. Having posted in many relationship threads, most seem to have helped the OP.

Sorry, I was unclear what in particular that you said I was replying to. I didn't want to quote one line out of context. But I was referring to: "Since it's yours, you'd prefer NT's stay clear, and should any visit, they should remain silent.". And, in particular, within that statement, your statement about preferences, not the "since it's yours".