Being banned from the chatroom

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You obviously read/interpret it differently to me. Is there a reason you don't want to be associated with "blacks and gays"?

Well I guess you probably assumed that they were being brief and left out part of the word namely neuro. I didnt make that assumption so I simply took the word diversity in its usual meaning.



Let me give you something that happened just a few days ago which would plainly illustrate how I feel. So I was standing there talking to a girl about educational system, and some guy ran up to me, pulled me aside, and asked me "are you gay?" I said "no", he said "ok" and was going to run back. I asked him why did he think that I was. He just said it was a game and again ran back. Two days later i have learned he was playing dare, so it was his dare to ask me that question. But I didnt know it until two days later. Yet I miss the opportunity to find it out right on the spot since I was too eager to go back to the conversation with the girl. As a result, I spent two days running around asking people whether or not people think I am gay and I kept pointing out to everyone that I am straight. The reason I didnt go right to the source is that while I know how the guy looks like I didnt know his name, nor his phone number, so I was trying to get ppl to help me get ahold of him.

Now during one of these conversations the professor I was talking to asked me why does it matter if someone thinks I am gay. I told him it matters because I am STRAIGHT so I dont want people to think something that is not true. And he asked me why does it matter if they think something that is not true? I said it matters because its a negative. And then he said that if I think its a negative I must be prejudiced. But you see most straight men would object to being labeled as gay and in THEIR case no one asks them why they care, nor are they being told its wrong to care, either. Yet in MY case I am being asked why do I care. The only way to make sense of it is that I am already in an inferior box due to being an aspie and THATS WHY people dont see why it would be such a big deal to lump me with something else as well.

Now, when I finally learned that they were simply playing the game "dare", I started to worry about something else. Namely, my voice is pretty loud. So what if someone overheard me talking but what if they didnt listen the entire conversation but instead they overheard just one phrase. Then they might come to the mistaken conclusion that I was telling someone I was gay -- WHICH I WAS NOT. So then I went to the school councellor to discuss the issue. She suggested to have a group session where I educate other students about my Asperger. Then I asked her but what about that other issue which is not even true since i am STRAIGHT. She said that this is something I can bring up on a group meeting too.

But then I asked her: maybe I will just make situation worse -- maybe they never overheard me to begin with but now that I will bring up the subject they will begin to suspect that I am gay which I am not. Now councelors response is very interesting: she told me that group meeting wont make things any worse than they already are since as it is no one is talking to me. Well as far as I am concerned yes there is plenty of room to make things worse. As it is, people dont talk to me DUE TO ASPERGER, period. And for all I know they assume I am STRAIGHT. So if I will do enough things to make them suspect I am gay that WOULD be worse. But the councelor simply told me that everyone knows I am strange and they simply dont have time to evaluate exactly how much or how little strange. Well that statement I found quite offensive and this statement wrongly lumps asperger together with homosexuality when in reality I am STRAIGHT.

Now as far as the game itself, I am no longer worrying about it, I now realize they were playing dare, so I am cool with that. What I DO worry about is peoples reaction back when i didnt know:

1. Despite the fact that I made it clear I was straight, I was asked by one of the professors why does it matter if they think I am gay. Most other straight men wont be asked this question

2. The counselor told me not to worry about what they think -- in reference to gay or straight -- because it cant be any worse -- in reference to Asperger.

Both of the above seem to indicate that people in their minds lump aspies together with other kind of deviants, thats why they were acting like I was splitting hairs while in my end of the line I definitely was not.

I can't answer that question, but if you honestly think someone is inferior due to his/her skin color or sexual preference, then you're a fool.



What the hell does it even matter? It's not like anyone's suggesting all aspies are black or gay, and even if they were, so f*****g what? It's not true, so why does it matter? I don't understand why you think two types of minorities should be mutually exclusive and hate each other. Why is the word DIVERSITY so insulting to you? And if you honestly think that people of different colored skin and different sexual preferences are inferior, well then you're no better than the NTs you hate so much for treating you differently.

Last edited by DerStadtschutz on 25 Nov 2012, 8:59 am, edited 1 time in total.

So, in short, you have a morbid fear of anyone thinking you are gay (people you consider to be "deviants"). If I'm understanding this correctly your issue with the chatroom was that you were afraid people might think you not only had Asperger's but that you were also black and gay or that there might be people in the chatroom who were black and/or gay and this would offend you somehow?

That too. I got my laptop fixed only a couple of days ago. Up until then I was using public computers. So who knows what ppl would think when they see the word diversity. Now I understand that I cant expect the mod to sit down and think through my personal daily life or where I use internet. But what occurred to me after I started thinking about the topic is that there is a reason why they use the word diversity in connection to Asperger to begin with, and that ticked me off.

Also the other thing is that I been going to the councelor complaining how no one talks to me due to Asperger. She suggested a group meeting. And she also said she is thinking of organizing a set of meetings that can be used as "platforms" for students to get others to be more understaning about their differences. Now I didnt confront her on that, but the word platform insulted me. I mean I dont want to turn people liberal, I am not black or gay, I dont need that. ALL i want is for me, personally, to be accepted in the society as it stands. I dont want to have a platform to change the rules of the game, I want to get another chance at the game as it is currently being played. I

What happened in my case was that when I came on campus people seemed to be too prying, so I avoided them. As a result, I was singled out as someone who doesnt talk so after they were done spreading the fact that i am a complete nerd they avoided talking to me. Now as an afterthought I realize it was a mistake on my part that I avoided talking to them when I just came. If I didnt avoid them, then making friends would have been super-easy, as evidenced by my own idea that they were prying -- just the opposite to what I am complainign about right now. So now that I realized my mistake, all I want is to get the chance back that I had 3 months back. I dont want any platforms because I woudnt have needed any if I didnt decide to be so stupid.

Frankly, you come across as a very intolerant and bigoted person (I know what those highly offensive words were that were edited out by another moderator in the transcription of your chat log) yet you seek tolerance and acceptance from everyone else. Have you not thought that what the counsellor is suggesting is intended to help everyone, not just you? You want people to accept you for who you are but in return you call others offensive names based on their race or sexual orientation. Can you not see the sad, self-destructive irony in this? You, yourself, are condemning yourself to be an outcast. Within seconds you managed to get yourself banned from chat due to your offensive attitude. If you ever express those racist and homophobic comments on this site that you did on the chat you will be banned from here too, immediately and permanently. You are already on your last warning due to making anti-Semitic posts here. If your real life encounters with people are as discriminatory and offensive it is no surprise you lack friends and are a social outcast. I urge you to think about this and seriously take onboard what your counsellor is saying and suggesting regarding those group meetings. You have nothing to lose except the hatred you seem to be carrying around with you, which is consuming you and poisoning the interactions with people you come into contact with.

(yes, i edited the offensive words out, as it broke the rules to have them posted in the forum. for people who need to know, he used the n-word to describe black people and the f-word to describe homosexual people. pretty shocking and it is pretty obvious as to why he was kicked out of chat)

Counsellor has already organized the meetings and at first it was my idea that maybe I should participate in order to improve my interaction with other students. But then, several days later, I backed off when she framed it differently. What she presented at first is that students discuss all the problems they might have, not necesserely social. So then I jumped at the idea that I will go there and discuss how I can't talk to people. But then later on she started using the word "platform" and so forth, and that just put me off. I think her view of me changed between these two conversations. During the first time she brought it up, she tried to emphasize to me that I am an individual and not just a problem. On the other hand, during the second time she did just the opposite: she suggested I tell people about my Asperger (the very term she was avoiding using at first) and then went on to talk about "platform" and so forth.

When you said it was intended to help everyone, were you trying to tell me that when I do something due to Asperger and others dont know its Asperger, then I am hurting them, too? I guess I never thought of it from this angle. I was thinking that they have tons of friends so by missing out on one more friend they don't lose anything and I am the only one who is losing out. Or are you saying that my very presence hurts them even if they don't interact with me? Of course it is possible -- I mean how else can I explain why people are so frantic in avoiding interaction with me if there is "nothing to lose"?



Of course I see it. As you can see through this post I have been thinking a lot about logical connections between these two issues. Now, there are two sides to every coin. So I can see both sides:

1. If I want people to be tolerant towards one difference (Asperger) it is only fair if I am tolerant to other differences (color and sexual orientation).

2. If I want for an aspie to truly be equal, they shouldn't be "forced" to do something that ppl without Asperger don't have to do. Now, a person without Asperger doesn't have to appeal to "diversity"; thus, I would like an aspie to be able to avoid such appeals too. A proof of this would be aspie being accepted by people that hate gays and blacks.

While you were presenting point of view 1, I am presenting point of view 2. Both are valid points from their own angle. I guess things would be less "gray" if I will point to some biblical verses regarding homosexuality, but I will not go in this direction since I know most people here are not Christian. So I will just leave it as a coin with both sides presented above.



Well, they are not! It is a known fact that people are a lot more blunt on the internet than they are in the real life. Speaking of the real face to face interaction, I can count exactly TWO incidents where racial remarks got me into trouble (one in 2006 the other in 2009). Now, both had quite a bit of drama and were seriously impacting my career. But that doesn't change the fact that there were only two of them -- as compared to online where I can count a lot more such incidents.

If, on the other hand, you take day-by-day interaction that I have with others, my problem revolves around the fact that I don't know how to approach people, I don't know how to initiate or continue the conversation, and so forth. I don't make any "racial remarks" for the simple reason that I don't get a chance to say anything altogether, other than ordering food at the restaurant or grocery store. I simply don't know how to do small talk at all. I live in my head and in the keyboard. So you can't just blame it all on racism, clearly these other issues hold me socially a lot more.

Last edited by Roman on 25 Nov 2012, 3:28 pm, edited 1 time in total.

diversity is a WORD. You're saying you shouldn't have to participate in a chat room that promotes diversity - so you got kicked off the chat. I fail to see why this is a problem at all.



I know plenty of Christian people who are not homosexual, but are tolerant of those who are. And I know plenty of gay people who are also good Christians.





That's funny - I can count exactly ZERO incidents where racial remarks got me in trouble, in person or on the Internet. Probably because I don't make disparaging remarks based on race - because that is WRONG.

Okay between the option of a chat with the word diversity and chat without that word I choose chat without that word. But if I have a choice between chat with diversity and no chat at all, I choose chat with diversity (other chats dont count because I want to chat specifically with ppl at Wrong Planet). So just because something isnt perfect it doesnt mean I have to be kicked off.

Now, if you read the first few posts I made in this thread, you will find the following:



In other words, I was trying to make up for the fact that people were chatting about random things I couldn't follow and so I was desperate to say SOMETHING that I can. If it wasn't for that, I would have probably waited for a very long while (probably several weeks) before bringing up the topic.



The passage you quoted refers to food and not to sex. As far as sex is concerned, here is what Paul has to say:

I agree--diversity is just a word, and a positive word at that. It sounds like you may have had too much experience with things like bullies calling people with various challenges "special" when they really mean to imply those people are dumb, useless, etc.

I don't know why you hate people of other races and sexual orientations, I don't have a problem with them. Or maybe I'm understanding it wrong that you do. I also think you may have just run into the wrong type of aspies. It sounds like you're intellectually very gifted, but also very classically AS, and being the same way, I've found that some aspie groups tend to attract people who are less "savantish" yet who also get along better in the real and/or social world, and also who may have more physical disabilities/sensory issues. I don't know if this is a different biological type of AS, or more a different upbringing.

But yes, I've found that (to make a Big Bang Theory reference) the Sheldon Coopers among us can be harder to find than you may think once realizing you have AS. Particularly in a chatting-type environment where less sophisticated topics "win" just by the fact that anyone can contribute to them. I'd also say that drawing lots of attention to your gifts/superiority may make it more difficult to connect. But it sounds as though you want a refuge from that, i.e. to meet others who hold themselves to the same high standards intellectually, and don't find you "difficult" or "arrogant" like maybe your bosses do. I hope you find that here.

Ahem. Let's continue that a bit, shall we?

Hate begets hate. Simple as that really. You want to be accepted as being an Aspie that hates gays and blacks. Sure some will accept you like that. Nobody can force you not to be homophobic and not to be racist. However, such a negative trait will influence how others react to you. It also tarnishes you as a human being and people will think less of you. It will also close doors in your personal relations with other people and in your career. Random people you stumble into in real life or on the internet who otherwise might turn out to be friends and helpful in your life will instead turn their back on you because you are not a nice person to know. You might have met someone on the Chat who you could have related to; or on this site but instead you have an unsavoury reputation that puts people off even wanting to get to know you or help you. I'm not saying you should be tolerant as a calculated means to an end but if you can learn tolerance it is an end in itself. Why carry around hatred? You are the one poisoned by it the most. I get the feeling your xenophobia runs deeper than homophobia and racism and that you have a deep mistrust of anyone who is not like you or who does not share your beliefs and opinions and that this mistrust has festered into various forms of bigotry poisoning your nature. Only if you manage to see through this will your life change for the better. In the mean time you will blunder on, making more mistakes, blaming others for those mistakes and continue closing more doors to your potential future.

That pretty much summed it up...

I see your point you basically say it lists other traits that we all do. But the difference is that most of these traits are changable at will so we can always say we will stop doing it later. On the other hand sexual orientation is not changable so once a person is gay that would reflect on their entire life.

No actually - that's not my point at all. My point is that even in the most bigoted parts of the Bible, no one ever advocates hatred of these people. God doesn't hate anyone, and forgives even the most egregious sinners.