04 Mar 2011, 1:51 pm
ediself wrote:
There was no one big traumatizing event that triggered this feeling. It is a general attitude, something more complex than just being insulted, or offended. Like i said, people there are nice people. But look at the threads! "how do i deal with my grown up AS son's attitude" being one of my main gripes, and a recurring topic. How can we exchange as equals when we are percieved as perpetually childlike? It is funny to note that most people coming in and defending the cause are childless AS people, they are more fearless. Indeed, as a parent, we are used to criticism, even coming from ourselves, and even I wouldn't dare to barge in and tell those people: " come on now. You're talking about an adult person, remember?" Because my opinion would be dismissed as childish, and yes, I have become softer since I have had my children. I don't go and start fights, if i can avoid it.
I am not talking about overt hostility. But it does feel like segregation, I do feel muzzled. Imagine living in the 40's, in that sexist environment, and talking to a male friend that you like and respect about the difficulties of being a married woman, and have him answer in a friendly way: "ah well, you think too much for a woman, it's easy: give your husband everything he wants and you guys will be fine".
He MEANS well. YOU don't feel understood.
Ok my example is a bit shabby. But i hope you get the feeling
I am not talking about overt hostility. But it does feel like segregation, I do feel muzzled. Imagine living in the 40's, in that sexist environment, and talking to a male friend that you like and respect about the difficulties of being a married woman, and have him answer in a friendly way: "ah well, you think too much for a woman, it's easy: give your husband everything he wants and you guys will be fine".
He MEANS well. YOU don't feel understood.
Ok my example is a bit shabby. But i hope you get the feeling
You know, I totally get it. And I really appreciate your making the case so extremely well. You really have. If Alex were to ask me now if there was a need (not that he will) I would say, "yes," there is. In the past I would have said no. I will always wish that wasn't true, but things are what they are. The work the parenting board as it currently stands does is extremely important, and I wouldn't want to change or discourage that, so the answer really is, then, a new board. Just have to convince Alex.
How should the different boards be labeled, so that each attracts the target postings?
04 Mar 2011, 3:43 pm
DW_a_mom wrote:
You know, I totally get it. And I really appreciate your making the case so extremely well. You really have. If Alex were to ask me now if there was a need (not that he will) I would say, "yes," there is. In the past I would have said no. I will always wish that wasn't true, but things are what they are. The work the parenting board as it currently stands does is extremely important, and I wouldn't want to change or discourage that, so the answer really is, then, a new board. Just have to convince Alex.
How should the different boards be labeled, so that each attracts the target postings?
How should the different boards be labeled, so that each attracts the target postings?
I really appreciate you being open to understand my point of view, and being able to understand it even though it really isn't as clear in my posts as it was in my head !
It is not up to me to label the hypothetical boards is it? If it were, it would end up being some inside joke like "AS parenting" and "Parenting AS" , which would be clear as mud for newcomers. Something along the lines of "parenting on the spectrum" and "parenting a child on the spectrum"?
Wow, that's not close to clear. Well, you were a mod once, you must have better ideas
04 Mar 2011, 3:47 pm
04 Mar 2011, 3:55 pm
momsparky wrote:
Well, OK - but then where should I post?
This is an awesome question!
Well, if your issue is related to being on the spectrum, for instance: " I am not sure if I sound sincere enough when i comfort my child for a small ridiculous bruise", you post in the "spectrum parents" one. If the issue is related to your child on the spectrum, such as " But WHY can't he tell me what he did at school today??" , then you go to the "parent of an AS child" forum.
Alternatively, you can decide the sort of feedback you want and need, and post where you feel appropriate, for each question.
Yes, it actually depends whether you want AS or NT feedback more than whether you are or not on the spectrum.
edit: I've been re-reading my last sentence and i think the titles should reflect this. I don't know how, though.
04 Mar 2011, 5:42 pm
DenvrDave
Veteran
Joined: 17 Sep 2009
Age: 59
Gender: Male
Posts: 790
Location: Where seldom is heard a discouraging word
04 Mar 2011, 6:23 pm
04 Mar 2011, 6:45 pm
04 Mar 2011, 7:43 pm
MidlifeAspie wrote:
DenvrDave wrote:
If you want to fight and create divisions amongst people, that's your prerogative and have fun with that. But as far as I am concerned, you win, fight over. See you later.
There is a fundamental lack of understanding on the part of NTs when they try and accuse us of creating divisions. The purpose of this site is to create a safe haven for AS people, and we are looking for a safe place to discuss parenting. When you snap at us because you don't agree with our preferred method of communication what are we to expect will happen when you disagree with something more serious? Your reaction here serves to reinforce the fears and concerns that are being expressed in this discussion.
The Parenting forum is the only place on this entire site where we expect to run into NTs regularly, everywhere else we are surrounded by our own. This makes the Parenting forum a unique place here, and I like to think that it serves a great purpose as it is - we need to offer support for those AS children - but that very uniqueness makes it a scary place and the last thing I want is for AS parents to be lacking in a place where they can discuss this without fear of judgement or harassment.
I admire your self control. I would never have been able to gather my emotions, set them aside, and then type a sensible answer like this one. I just want to hug you right now and god knows i'm not a hug person
04 Mar 2011, 9:26 pm
ediself wrote:
MidlifeAspie wrote:
DenvrDave wrote:
If you want to fight and create divisions amongst people, that's your prerogative and have fun with that. But as far as I am concerned, you win, fight over. See you later.
There is a fundamental lack of understanding on the part of NTs when they try and accuse us of creating divisions. The purpose of this site is to create a safe haven for AS people, and we are looking for a safe place to discuss parenting. When you snap at us because you don't agree with our preferred method of communication what are we to expect will happen when you disagree with something more serious? Your reaction here serves to reinforce the fears and concerns that are being expressed in this discussion.
The Parenting forum is the only place on this entire site where we expect to run into NTs regularly, everywhere else we are surrounded by our own. This makes the Parenting forum a unique place here, and I like to think that it serves a great purpose as it is - we need to offer support for those AS children - but that very uniqueness makes it a scary place and the last thing I want is for AS parents to be lacking in a place where they can discuss this without fear of judgement or harassment.
I admire your self control. I would never have been able to gather my emotions, set them aside, and then type a sensible answer like this one. I just want to hug you right now and god knows i'm not a hug person
I have to ask again: how are you deciding who is "us" and who is "them?" I regularly check and read trending topics outside the parenting board: I see snapping and disagreement all over the site. I also don't think that just because someone writes NT on their profile it means they can't or won't understand, nor does it mean they are definitively NT.
To be clear: I understand about needing to clarify the feedback for adults on the spectrum who have questions about parenting; I think this is valid; but IMO it would be a huge loss to the forum if any posters were made to feel unwelcome because of their neurotype.
I'm not even sure what my neurotype is, and I don't feel very welcome.
04 Mar 2011, 9:41 pm
momsparky wrote:
I have to ask again: how are you deciding who is "us" and who is "them?" I regularly check and read trending topics outside the parenting board: I see snapping and disagreement all over the site. I also don't think that just because someone writes NT on their profile it means they can't or won't understand, nor does it mean they are definitively NT.
Most of the snapping and fighting is AS to AS to be honest. A lot of people here are self-identified. If this forum idea became a reality I would suggest that you post wherever you felt most comfortable based on the topic of conversation. I can promise that as long as I am moderating and DW is doing her thing, nobody will be allowed to attack anyone about their neuro status. We know this is a spectrum, and everyone is at list a little Aspie
Quote:
To be clear: I understand about needing to clarify the feedback for adults on the spectrum who have questions about parenting; I think this is valid; but IMO it would be a huge loss to the forum if any posters were made to feel unwelcome because of their neurotype.
Agreed 1000 times over.
04 Mar 2011, 9:43 pm
ediself wrote:
I admire your self control. I would never have been able to gather my emotions, set them aside, and then type a sensible answer like this one. I just want to hug you right now and god knows i'm not a hug person
- that is the closest thing we have to a hug emoticon
04 Mar 2011, 10:09 pm
04 Mar 2011, 10:14 pm
04 Mar 2011, 10:17 pm
Aimless wrote:
I'd hate to see him feel uncomfortable here.
As would I. If my response came across as offensive rather than pointed then I do apologize.
DenvrDave
Veteran
Joined: 17 Sep 2009
Age: 59
Gender: Male
Posts: 790
Location: Where seldom is heard a discouraging word
05 Mar 2011, 2:06 am
I apologize too. I tend to take things literally, and when I saw the "we need to fight" over the forum language, I reacted emotionally because Parents Discusion is almost the only forum I really feel welcome at, and it has been so helpful to my family. Had I known the other poster didn't really mean it, I would never have written the "prerogative" comment which was pedantic and uncalled for. 
05 Mar 2011, 7:54 am
MidlifeAspie wrote:
Aimless wrote:
I'd hate to see him feel uncomfortable here.
As would I. If my response came across as offensive rather than pointed then I do apologize.
No, I don't think you did. I was just thinking that ediself had gotten the impression that DenvrDave was a bombastic person, which he isn't. He just had a moment.
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