Subtopic just for NT spouses of AS

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I see one for parenting but not for spousing. Wish there was one.

I think having a seperate forum for NT partners could be helpful. I've seen a number of posts recently from NT women who needed to vent about their AS spouses and I would like to see them have access to support and education.

However, I think there needs to be a more appropriate place for them to do so other than, say, the Women's Discussion, which is, as far as I know, intended to be a place for AS women to get support from each other, not for NT women to complain about their partners. A seperate forum for partners might better meet this need.

The parenting forum is not just for NTs. It's for anyone parenting a child with autism.

So, asking for a forum specifically for NTs dealing with AS spouses really isn't parallel to having a parenting forum. It's doing something that that doesn't... it creates a space that' specifically for NTs. Which isn't necessarily a bad thing. Although, I can see some people here not liking that.

I do imagine, if such a forum were created here, that people on the spectrum or on the edge of the spectrum would be welcome as well if they are having issues with an aspie or autistic significant other. And I hope it would be open to discussing friendships with those on the spectrum or with autistic traits as well.

Only if the AS partner can discuss their feelings first. What would you want to discuss that you don't want your AS spouse to be part of. If you want to discuss relationship issues, you can benefit from hearing the the perspective of the person with AS. If you just want a place to rant about how "terrible" it is to live with someone with AS, like the rest of those Cassandra women, then WP is not the appropriate place to do it because it's a support site mainly for those of us on the spectrum.

This!

I see how the parenting analogy was incomplete. Thanks for pointing that out.

There is nothing I would post that I wouldn't want my AS dh to see. We are open about it all as I hope most people seeking help are.

I guess I could see how a space specifically for NT's could turn into a rant but assuming that could hedge what could otherwise have been a productive place to get advice and ideas on how to have needs met all around in neurally diverse/blended relationships. Not intended as a segregational thing at all (since anyone can post anywhere!) - more of a streamline for support for people who can't surf through a lot of other stuff.

That was my line of thought. Please feel free to point me in another direction if you feel there is already a space to do this - No offense intended. I'm just on the wrong planet, too, as the minority (only) NT member of my family of 5 and want help in understanding the local culture without losing my Self.

I'm all for discussions about advice on relationship issues. I understand what you're getting at now, although there already is a place here where such issues are discussed. They're mostly put in the In-Depth Adult Life Discussion forum.

And what about an NT partner whose husband doesn't even want to consider that his brain is wired differently. After 30 years of not having my emotions taken into account in a marriage, I am wondering where I can get help. And where I can get help for my husband who wouldn't come to a forum (much less a psychologist, although my his neurologist daughter says he is definately auspie). Where are we supposed to go?
Sandichka

Lots of places, not here. A few NTs have come on this site in the past hoping that they could find a community to bash on their aspie spouse and generally commiserate about how much the condition sucks for the partner. This is usually a bad idea. We can't be "fixed", and there are lots of places to whine about your marriage, this is a place for aspies.

I don't think I'd go quite this far in saying there can't be a home here. I've seen all sorts of people find comfort at Wrong Planet.

Sandichka, I think the thing to remember is that Wrong Planet was formed by ASD individuals with the intent of serving the needs of others with ASD. Over time, it has grown to accommodate more but, should there ever be a conflict between what someone without ASD needs and what those with ASD need, the default is going to favor those with ASD.

A while back an interesting thread started in the parenting forum (which is where I live when I'm on Wrong Planet) called "Raised by an Aspergers Parent" and, I admit, I was really wary of it. It isn't exactly a "yeah, ASD is great! My parent was perfect!" thread, and it may have made some of our members uncomfortable. But, at the same time, those attracted to that thread in this place seemed to be looking for something they couldn't get elsewhere on the web, which is usually adult children gathering to rant about their (usually suspected) AS parents. By coming here it was almost a way of saying, "yes, I'm angry, but I still want to understand him/her." It remains a super delicate thread, but some interesting things have happened in it that could not have happened elsewhere. I think being asked to remember whose house you are in encourages the posters to find the positives, and look beyond their anger and frustrations, to see where something positive might happen. It also seems to help them start to separate what resulted from the AS, v. what resulted from the frustration of having to grow up in a world that didn't understand them, v. what resulted from that parent simply not being a great person, etc.

It is never as simple as saying, "they have ASD, that explains all the issues." People with ASDs are unique individuals, and who they are comes from a huge variety of traits, influences, decisions, and history.

My suggestion would be to create a thread within one of the forums and see if it takes off. I am still amazed at how many people find and resurrect that "Raised by an Asperger's Parent" thread. Maybe it's the perfect Google search title? Anyway, as long as a thread stays respectful of ASD individuals in general, I don't see why a "Married to an AS Man/Woman" thread couldn't find a home here. I'd much prefer people try to learn about their spouses here than at some of the other places I've seen on the internet. Here, at least, they have some chance of learning why the person acts as he/she does, and sometimes that little bit of understanding is all someone needs to find satisfaction in the relationship.

JHMO, of course. I'm kind of a guest here, myself, since I don't think I have AS, but I've done a lot for this forum and it's done a lot for me back, maybe I am part of the family by now