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magz
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26 Jul 2020, 3:49 am

Is it okay to publicly quote PMs from another user if you find them abusive?
I know there is an option to report PMs but my question is, is it okay to make a PM conversation public?


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Steve1963
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26 Jul 2020, 7:57 am

My head says "no". Have you run this by one of the mods?



magz
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26 Jul 2020, 8:08 am

Why "your head says no"? Can you elaborate?

My mother taught me, once I've sent a letter, it belongs to the person I adressed it to and they can do whatever they wants with it.
I see no rule against such a move, however, I've never seen it done. That's why I'm asking the question.


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Steve1963
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26 Jul 2020, 8:15 am

magz wrote:
Why "your head says no"? Can you elaborate?
My curious and selfish heart wants to see the pm's. :D



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26 Jul 2020, 8:21 am

You likely could post a PM on live forum if you cut and paste it like any other link,whether it's allowed I couldn't say.

I would guess it's not allowed because it could lead to a president of posting PM's then they would no longer be private anymore.Then people could no longer share there thoughts in private and the concept of the PM would become pointless.

Your always allowed to report an abusive PM to moderator's.


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magz
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26 Jul 2020, 8:44 am

I'm probably not going to publish it anyway, unless it proves relevant and important, but I would like to know opinions about such move in general.
I can imagine someone trusted me with PM, telling things too private to publish. I absolutely respect it.
However, I've also encountered e.g. malicious gossip in PMs.
Should we protect all the private information? Can PMs be exposed when e.g. a person who behaved nasty in PMs starts to play victim in public? Should it be left to judgement of the receiver of the PM? Judgement of the mods?

The topic started to interest me theoretically, too. I like transparency and I prefer to openly discuss disagreements.


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26 Jul 2020, 11:17 am

@MAGZ: I know from personal experience that forwarding the offensive posts to ALL of the mods has a positive effect: the offensive PMs will stop.

There is also a way to block PMs from any other member.  I currently have over 30 members blocked.

PM me if you want to know how (you are not one of the members whose PMs I have blocked).



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26 Jul 2020, 11:26 am

I received an offensive PM at one point. I reported it to a mod and got a reply. That person has since been banned, but not for my PM I don't believe. I think that person was banned for offensive posts.

I can understand being tempted to publically post a PM. In making such a decision, if it was not a forbidden action, I would consider the effect of the exposure on the tenor of the entire forum. Would it be helpful or hurtful for the community here to post this information?

I know you are not easily flustered, magz, so it must have been a grave transgression. It pains me that even within a supportive community people can be cruel to one another.


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magz
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26 Jul 2020, 12:16 pm

It seems that, even if not outwardly banned, it would be very inconvenient to forward PMs to anyone else than mods.
I think it would be prudent to stick to this rule.
Thanks.


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26 Jul 2020, 12:34 pm

I'm sorry you went through that Magz, I hope you had some form of support.
People can take things too far, with no regard for others especially around beliefs and identity, sectarianism can do much damage in a community.


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26 Jul 2020, 1:18 pm

Anybody who sends an unsolicited hostile PM should be banned.

I’ve been sent a few of those. It’s annoying.



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26 Jul 2020, 1:18 pm

magz wrote:
Is it okay to publicly quote PMs from another user if you find them abusive?
I know there is an option to report PMs but my question is, is it okay to make a PM conversation public?



You are going to get mixed answers about this. Lot of people do publish PMs in public if the person is abusive or creepy, etc.

My rule of thumb is if you (general you) do not want your PMs exposed in public, treat people with respect, don't be abusive.

Some will say this is wrong. I disagree.


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26 Jul 2020, 1:25 pm

magz wrote:
I'm probably not going to publish it anyway, unless it proves relevant and important, but I would like to know opinions about such move in general.
I can imagine someone trusted me with PM, telling things too private to publish. I absolutely respect it.
However, I've also encountered e.g. malicious gossip in PMs.
Should we protect all the private information? Can PMs be exposed when e.g. a person who behaved nasty in PMs starts to play victim in public? Should it be left to judgement of the receiver of the PM? Judgement of the mods?

The topic started to interest me theoretically, too. I like transparency and I prefer to openly discuss disagreements.



You can edit it in photo shop and scribble out the personal info. eg. address, name, location, personal problem that is irrelevant to the situation.

Rule of thumb, if there is anything you do not want others to know about, do not share it with anyone. Just because it is in PM does not mean it is private. Don't gossip, don't be abusive, don't spread lies, don't just bad talk someone behind their back to someone else. Unless they are a good friend of yours, that is different and you know they won't share what you tell them with anyone. But you never ever just talk about personal stuff or badly about others to anyone online you don't know well or if they are not your friend.

Even if someone were to send you a PM asking you what do you think of Fnord, and you have negative thoughts about him, do not answer because you don't know if that person is going to gossip and go to him and tell him what you said about him making you look like the gossiper. Yes these people exist. That is why you never ever say anything bad about anyone, even if someone asks for your opinion, never ever tell them. Just say "sorry, I do not gossip" or "sorry, I do not talk about others behind their backs" or just simply ignore that PM.


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kraftiekortie
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26 Jul 2020, 2:24 pm

I wouldn’t put it out in “public.” That’s not a classy thing to do.



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26 Jul 2020, 4:49 pm

magz wrote:
Is it okay to publicly quote PMs from another user if you find them abusive?
I know there is an option to report PMs but my question is, is it okay to make a PM conversation public?


After reading the rules I would say no, but you can use the 'Dear "You"...From "Me"-Letters Unsent' thread to participate in covert bullying :lol:


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26 Jul 2020, 5:06 pm

kraftiekortie wrote:
Anybody who sends an unsolicited hostile PM should be banned.

I’ve been sent a few of those. It’s annoying.


I wouldn't go that far, I've generally had no problem with making posters who send those see the error of their ways. And if that not possible the foe list is always an option.


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