So, yea, I'm an idiot...

Post Reply New Topic

After quite a long time of hiding at home, I decided to take a class. An accelerated EMT-B class. How could I possibly have been so stupid to take a class I couldn't possibly do well in?
Quite a bit of it is practicing going through patient assessments... something that amounts to "make pretend" games. Yea, something I'm going to be just wonderful at, right?
I try to do these things, and I end up like a deer in the headlights. I only recently learned that what I call "deer in the headlights" is actually an autistic shutdown. As much psychology as I'd studied, I still knew pretty much nothing about asperger's before I started poking around WP. But that's what happens, and then, of course, somebody tries to help me, but I'm already too freaked out for it to help any, anything they say just kinda bounces around in my head and freaks me out more, it doesn't really make sense anyways. I can just repeat after them when someone prompts me on what I'm supposed to say, but it's not like I'll REMEMBER that.
I was so freaked out during this practice session that the teacher got worried that was wrong with me. As in, I looked like such a mess that an experienced EMT-Paramedic was concerned.
It's not like I'm really capable of being an EMT anyways, I freak out too easily. Not over normal things, I guess. It's not like blood and guts and stuff freak me out, and that's what would freak out a normal person about being an EMT. But when I do get freaked out, I certainly have no ability to think or problem solve, so how useful could I possibly be as an EMT even if I did manage to get through this class, which I can't do anyways. I mean, yea, I can mechanically follow instructions, I guess.. hook up oxygen or whatever. Usually. But it's not like I could be DEPENDABLE in the field..
WHY did I do this?
In some stupid attempt to prove that I'm not completely worthless? Which is really just proving even more than I am?
Because my psychiatrist told me to "put myself first"? (Yea, that's irony... taking an accelerated EMT class that I couldn't possibly handle so that I can volunteer as an EMT, in order to "put myself first".. although, I guess, if part of my reason for wanting to do it was to prove that I'm not totally worthless, it does make slight sense.)

But seriously... what was I THINKING?!

Have you ever thought about being a dispatcher?

Actually, that's a very good idea. (In my humble opinion, of course)

Umm, I can't even talk on the PHONE. Dispatch is like ALL about talking. When I run as crew on an ambulance, there's usually minimal people skills involved... Well, it depends on who the primary care person I'm running with is, there are a few I'm really comfortable with. One in particular who is very knowledgeable, patient, and blunt (the blunt part is important, because I know that she actually doesn't mind all my questions, because if she did, she'd SAY so)..
Usually what I do is like hook people up to oxygen, help get them on backboards, take blood pressures, stuff like that.. and the patients are usually not in much condition to be doing too much socializing..

Dispatch would be like twelve billion times worse for me.. That's like the most stressful, talk-centered job on the planet.
And the EMT thing isn't paid, so people have to be a bit more patient.

First I should put out the disclaimer that I do not know much about the medical field.

In regards to being a dispatcher I was thinking that it is a very procedural job. I did not think the dispatcher takes the original 911 call. I thought someone else takes the call and gets what the problem is then relays the info to the dispather. The dispatcher then decides what station to take the call and what equipment goes out on the call.

I also am not a big phone person but this would be radio with no small talk just what needs to be done.