I Give Up On This Thing

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I feel like I'm in the same place socially I was in last year at this time. Last year I went to the hospital twice for trying to kill myself because of the girl problem, and u all know what that is im sure. Anyway this year I reunited with an old friend from high school and we have the same problem. he is an NT, but he tells me to just give up because it's not worth me breaking my laptops, phones, tvs. Last year I would hit myself in the face with my dress shoes until i started bleeding, and I started that stuff this year, and I broke a total of 50 plus phones since last year around this time to now. So now I dont even try, and if I do try it ends up in failure. I've tried once this semester, and like 3 times last semester. then i go outside and see other people holding hands and stuff and they post stuff all about sex in the dorms. I was was screwed this year because i was put in a dorm that didnt fit me, it was a sports dorm and i had a single room because of my disability. but now I shut down my email, facebook, texting, and all that. now I only communicate realtime via phone or face-to-face. My friend tells me i shoudlnt go back to doing any of that stuff because I'm gonna end up hurting myself.

someone please respond to my post

I don't know what to say.
You should post in The Haven section.

I am not sure how to respond as I am not sure I am correctly understanding you, but still I try. Be patient with me if I am misunderstanding...

A few years ago I was in a bad place. I was having a lot of meltdowns. At one point I flipped out and attacked myself. It was bad. I broke a lot of things as well. I was stressed. Stressed is an understatement though. Every bit of energy I had went to simply trying to maintain. I should have gone to the hospital for a stay, but I did not feel as though I could. I wish I would have.

I did not 'give up', exactly. I systematically reevaluated the things in my life... what I was doing, what I was not doing, what were my triggers, could I tell what was going on physically with me before I blew up... the list goes on. I had a good therapist during this time who helped me sort things out as I have a hard time figuring things like this out on my own. I do a lot less than I used to, but i am much better for it. I was trying to do too much and be too much. It came back to bite me in the butt...

I say that to say giving up is not the answer. When you give up it becomes harder to get back into 'the world' if and when you decide to.. the farther removed you are the harder it is. Further, giving up can suck any contentedness out of life, or any potential contentedness that might come your way. I think a better thing to do is slow down and go at a pace where things are not setting you off. Figure out your stressors and simplify life and take preventative (realistic ones not extreme ones) measures.

I understand hiding... shutting down email and such, as I do that myself under stress. Decompression time can be a necessity, so take time you need, but get back to these things slowly is my advice.

If your upset is from relationship (like dating) issues or lack thereof, I am not sure what to say on that. If you are in school, perhaps a relationship right now might be too much anyhow. I could not imagine trying to date and go to school at the same time. I can only take one or two classes per semester and that overwhelms me and makes it hard for me to do anything else. I have decided to only take one class at a time now and take classes that only meet once a week. That way I have energy left to give to my family and I am not flipping out all the time. I have not broken a phone since I slowed down... and I used to break a lot of them.

I do not know if this helped or was a lot of words that speak nothing to you. I hope there is something helpful in this.

Any way it goes, I wish you well.

Sounds like good advise and a good decision on your part.

By the way, my computer is very old, has a lot of problems and is barely functioning. I figure it will take me until September to save up enough money to get a basic new one. How on earth are you able to replace laptops & TVs plus 50 phones in a year's time? Perhaps you act out violently because you can do so without loss?

The reality of the loss of what I destroy tames my violence. Who or what has you removed from this reality which is so beneficial?

Last edited by MountainLaurel on 08 May 2011, 10:52 pm, edited 1 time in total.

I don't think there's any reason to give up. I think maybe you just tried to navigate a relationship before you were prepared to deal with it.

Socialization is like driving cars. You can't just get in a car and expect to be able to drive it. You need to learn the rules of the road, a few things about the car, and you also need to practice driving to get a feel for the car, the road, the dynamics of it all and so on. You also need a certain level of emotional maturity and decision making ability.

Romantic relationships are like driving fast cars. Just because someone can drive doesn't mean they can drive a Lambourghini or Formula 1 car fast. To drive these cars fast takes a lot of skill. It's not only the driver that demands a lot from the car in this case, but the car that demands a lot from the driver. If the car is going to go fast, the driver has to think fast. The driver has to know how the car reacts in different conditions. The driver has to know how to regain control in a spin out or under what conditions the car becomes unstable.

I think you can start by reanalyzing what relationships are all about. A lot of people on the spectrum fail to understand that relationships aren't all about them and how the other person makes them feel. Relationships are about multiple people, and you need to consider the needs and feelings of the other person. They have an equal share in the relationship.

You need to ask how your actions within the context of the relationship makes the other person feel. You need to be able to think about the other person's feelings and perspective and try to empathize with them.

A good way to do this is ask yourself how you would feel if you were in the situation they were.

I think if you work on growing emotionally you will get to a point where you are ready to have relationships, possibly even a romantic relationship. A good start would be to stop being self destructive. When you get upset don't break things or hurt yourself. Instead go for a walk and analyze the situation and try to learn something from it.