How much spare time do I need?

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I have very strong tendency to use almost as much time as possible to my (post-graduate) studies at the university* and related activities such as studying related & additional things, writing articles for magazines etc. My life feels often like a solid mess, I am always very slow worker since I have ADD symptoms and I am constantly struggling with my studies. I have stopped efforts (after trying for almost ten years) to find myself friends or social spare time activities since nothing seems to satisfy me (I feel that I would just like to study with other people or in general to learn more about things I find interesting).

In my case, it is difficult to speak about spare time and work time since I like my studies (despite of all the struggling needed and huge difficulties to decide what subjects I should study) so they do not feel like "work" in some sense. Still, I have some activities (like composing music, listening to music, reading fictional texts*, cycling & jogging***, chatting at the Internet) which could be clearly classified as spare time activities.

So, currently I try to study most of time despite of all the difficulties. In addition, I move daily from place to another which gives me around 40 minutes of cycling, I cycle 1-2 hours on Saturday****, take some jogging (1h) on Sunday, I compose music 30 minutes every day (or actually slightly more). Especially during workdays my hours are rather strictly allocated for different activities. But most of time is reserved for studying. For example I have to study languages by myself (without attending to classes) since I am so poor in concentrating following classes. This I do at evenings after my official studies. Weekends and late-evenings on weekdays have been lately reserved mostly for non-official studies which require struggling and proceed painstakingly slowly just like official studies.

If somebody has any thoughts, I would be grateful to hear them. My basic question is how much spare time one really needs - though the complexity of my situation may make answering difficult.

* ) Some studies are "official" studies while some studies are additional "spare time studies" though very similar in nature
**) Well, I'd like to read these in languages I am studying so it would be studying in that sense...
***) I think I already have enough of these physical exercises, they are of lesser importance for me

I'm about to start grad school in Japanese history. In the past I have found that it behooves to do take a break from studying when I get this intense feeling of mental exhaustion. I think that doing something fun (in my case, watching anime in native Japanese, playing computer games etc.) relieves me of a great deal of anxiety so that I can actually concentrate on my work without feeling depressed. I don't always need these breaks though, the burned-out feeling happens mainly when I do one particular activity exclusively (like studying Japanese constantly without any other classes).

I don't know if that really applies to your situation. I'm not particularly good at making friends either (I prefer to study on my own since other people are a distraction).

(I have to say though, the fact that you footnoted your post makes me smile. Reminds me of one of my favorite undergrad [aspie] professors who said that she footnoted her journals. )

Thanks for your attention

Perhaps I should learn to listen to myself better like you do so that I could realize at which point the break is needed. Though as I said it's difficult since due to ADD symptoms studying is always hard in any case and I feel somewhat confused all the time.

My daily routines contain some spare time activities as I explained. But there may be danger that routines are too strict or that I follow them too conscientiously.

If you want to continue conversation, I may ask you if you keep often day long (or longer) breaks from studies and related things? Do you think longer holidays are important? Do you study Japanese by yourself or do you go to language courses?

You're welcome.

As an undergrad I had to go to Japan to study Japanese since the courses weren't offered at my school. So I ended up taking intensive language courses in Japan, equaling three academic years of study in about one year. It was rather intense. I will be studying Japanese along with my history classes in grad school though. I gave the example of studying Japanese abroad because it is probably the most intense studying experience I have had (and as result I have since sought medication/counseling for my anxiety).

Usually I play computer games and the like solely during breaks/holidays. The sort of breaks I take during the school year are smaller, perhaps just watching an episode or two at the end of a day of studying. Personally, I *love* having a routine though it can be somewhat dysfunctional (especially in terms of interacting with other people who don't respect my routine, which is why it is difficult for me to make friends while I am taking classes). I do think the longer holidays are important if only because as much as I am a student and lover of pre-modern Japanese history, I am also an avid lover of certain computer role-playing games.

I have found I can study European languages completely by myself (of course sometimes asking advice from those who master them). But the case may be different with more difficult languages.

Languages is field where high conscientiousness typical for many AS persons is really helpful. I guess I have no much natural talent for languages but if I just go on and on, I will learn them eventually. As far as I know listening is especially difficult part for many AS people (including me) but probably not an ultimate obstacle.



You can be glad if you have a strong and steady subject of interest. So far I have lost maybe 4-5 years because of difficulties to find my own field.

(I know nothing of modern games but if I had endless amount of time I could play something like Ultima IV, Space Rogue & Chaos Strikes Back which I missed during my childhood's gaming years... However, these days time considerations rule RPGs out)

I have studied language by myself but I do think that nothing can replace having a native speaker who is trained in language instruction (as all of my Japanese language instructors have been). Listening comprehension has always been the most difficult part for me. I'm also noticeably slower than my peers at verbal responses. (I have been told that I am somewhat slow at responding in my native language and I can only imagine the effect is more exaggerated in Japanese.) Remembering vocabulary and grammar were my strong points. (Kind of the opposite of most of the other students.)

I have always had really strong interests. My interest in Japan started when I was about eleven years old. The obsessiveness has given a strong drive in pursuing my interests by it also leads to a lot of anxiety (from perfectionistic tendencies and the like). I am still figuring out how to deal with the anxiety so that I can remain functional as a student. I think I am getting better, at the very least I am more cognizant of the fact that I have an anxiety problem (haven't been diagnosed with AS but a psych nurse practitioner told me that she thought I had severe anxiety based on my experiences).

I have always thought of studying with native speaker but I have not dared to try to find me a contact yet (I have written a message but I have not posted it). Actually, I have never tried to converse by using the languages I am studying (French & Spanish) in real life since I have not had opportunities.

I often do not understand some structure in texts that I am reading and then I feel a kind of helpless but usually things can be straightened out with some thinking. Funny thing was that I had studied French vocabulary for a long time with no much idea how to pronounce those words (until I found information from Wikipedia). I guess I have no any strong points in languages. Vocabulary and grammar I learn by desperate and endless repeating (For example, I write summaries of grammar rules in a form of questions and answers and go through them until I know them by heart). I am not sure if I could ever master kanji or something like that. It's probably a good thing I have not chosen too difficult languages.

My ADD symptoms were previously misdiagnosed as anxiousness even though I told that I do not feel like being anxious (well, these days I maybe do). I have to cope daily with my feelings of uncertainty concerning what fields I should concentrate on. Currently I think I may have eventually found my field but unfortunately my thesis has a wrong topic (despite of spending years when trying to choose it). These problems have put some limits to my perfectionist tendencies. It is so obvious how far from perfect I am that being perfect is really not an option.

I have studied some French, albeit years ago. Being a native English speaker, Japanese is more difficult simply because it has little in common with English as compared to other European languages. I imagine that any language will be difficult (French with its pronunciation and Spanish with its irregular verbs--or so I have heard). If you are interested in French and Spanish I would encourage you to post the letter you have written. Maybe you could offer to teach them something in return?

Kanji aren't all that hard, they just takes a lot of time and repetition. I think they are kind of pretty. My favorite might be the kanji for winter, fuyu 冬.

What is wrong with your thesis? I will be starting grad school later in September and I have some idea of where I want to go in my research (Heian Japanese aesthetics) though I need to learn to read classical Japanese in order to utilize primary sources.

My anxiety is sort of...an intricate part of the way I experience the world. I have described it as drowning, or perhaps as being in water and having an intense fear of drowning. I have been fairly successful as a student, yet my past successes make the thought of failure all the more terrifying. There is the fear of disappointing my professors who seem to think so highly of me, the fear of an unavoidable failure, which I equate with death. I find it helps to make art on the subject of my anxiety (I majored in art as well as history as an undergrad). The last thing I did for my art major was to make a series of oil paintings about my anxiety and I'm rather happy with how they turned out. Making art out of it allows me to reflect on my anxiety and the suffering it causes me and see something beautiful in it. (I am on medication for it but the anxiety never completely goes away.) The anxiety is as much a part of me as is my skin and nails and breath and if I can find something worthwhile and beautiful in it it brings me a measure of contentment and happiness. And sometimes that in itself is enough to help me get through the day, even while feeling like a failure.

I took one course of Mandarin years ago (also regarding to languages it has been difficult for me to decide what I should study), so I have drawn some of those signs too (they are partially the same in both languages as far as I know). The most fascinating thing was that the sign for "beautiful" is a combination of "big" and "sheep".

French pronunciation is actually relatively easy if you know the rules (but as far as I know they don’t teach those rules in classes!). Those rules apply in most of situations (unlike in English or German). I think there are no any major difficulties in French for a motivated student (German has cases, Russian has aspects). Well, listening may be a relatively difficult in French. Regarding to Spanish, I have not yet (after 2,5 years of self-studies) got a picture how many irregular verbs I must learn. At least they are not so difficult from reader’s perspective. Rules for applying subjunctive are said to be relatively demanding in Spanish. Interestingly, the grammar of Mandarin is very simple.

Yes, I should find me a person to study with but somehow I am afraid I may get disappointed. Contacts with people give me negative feelings so easily.

My relationship to studying seems to be a bit similar to yours but I have not developed strong anxiety. In school I was afraid of not being successful which sometimes gave me stress. I do not really believe that I can advice you but I can tell anyway that reading your message gave me a thought that in a situation like yours person should try to meet his fears in order to learn to accept them. Like you could try to imagine how would it be if you would become a “failure”. Then if you could (at least to some extent) accept that scenario (without really going into it), it might help. Of course, you must have tried something like this already.

My thesis? These different fields (philosophy with its subfields, the research of international politics with its subfields, political economy with its many topics) have been fighting in my head for last twelve years. As I said I feel now it is possible I have managed to solve the issue but the thesis I am working on has the “wrong” field and because of this it is more frustrating to work with it (and there are other problems related to it as well: I do not know whether the thesis helps me in my career or not; I am afraid it may end up of being a dismal piece of research etc.). Because of my devotion however, I have managed to be a somewhat full-time “researcher” despite of not getting any funding. I think many people stop at the point when they fail to get research funding.

I'm more of a lurker than a poster but perhaps this will help. I'm in a very similar situation and have found that if I do half hour increments of very focused studying for a few hours at a time, I can expand/stretch my mind without reaching exhaustion, but maintaining interest instead. If I fall off this routine however, I crash and burn, end up depressed, and wasting far too much time on the computer.

Funny enough, attempting to have a social life ALWAYS leads to this burn-out. whereas being a loner for weeks at a time keeps me satisfied and capable of taking care of myself. Like you, I also enjoy the company of others and learning about their passions/interests. I'm currently trying to hold a weekly or biweekly meeting with some professors and classmates at my university to discuss a variety of topics (from politics to love) and to just broaden our minds about topics we might not have invested so much time in.

So maybe that can be the happy medium? I tend to be too composed/clear cut of how I want things so it really helps me to just find what works and stick to it. If I compare myself to everyone around me or the group of friends I do have, I feel extremely out of the ordinary and like a social failure. This leads me to cut out from any attempt at maintaining a social life (i.e. Facebook and having more extroverted friends.. even answering my phone! I have 6 voicemails from friends right now that I am avoiding). It just doesn't work for me. I'm far too sensitive and somehow also inconsiderate of norms.

Anyway, I'd recommend challenging yourself but also, like Agemaki said, take some time for yourself. Sometimes the familiar can be comforting and act as a "reboot" button.

And another thing! I LOVE changing my environment while I study. If I get a random inclination that I want to be outside, in a park, or hiking down a trail, and I have access to this - I go for it. This also conflicts with family/social life but honestly.... I think I've come to terms with my career as an obsessed student

Hope this is helpful in the slightest. It's definitely inspired me to be a little brave and climb back onto the road of solid routine (I recently fell off after some challenges at work and am worried my school will take a hit because of it). Freedom paralyzes me... it's sad to say, but true.

Also... if you're anything like me and you tend to grasp concepts slowly, come back to each subject that you need more time on! I like splitting up my study schedule with singing, playing the piano, reading up on genetics, linguistics, and random fiction (currently, poetry because I can't focus hard enough for a novel). It's fun to change it up and challenge myself in other ways. Okay, I'm running off the computer and getting something done. Thank you for posting this- cliche, but it is unbelievably comforting to know I'm not alone.

Good luck!

Thanks for your message, Rinrao. I consider often chopping my main task (ie. thesis) to smaller slices but I feel that I'm so slow that I need really big blocks of time to get something done. However, my secondary studies (like languages and currently statistics) I take in smaller doses.



I just had to change my environment because my computer class went under renovation. These kind of changes however, tend to disrupt me (at least if I'm having considerable problems to concentrate to the task at hand). But sometimes it's good idea and I also know that research suggests that it helps to memorize things.

I am fluent in Spanish. I self-taught myself the advanced grammar, including the subjunctive, and yes, the subjunctive is really the only truly difficult part of the Spanish language. The irregular verbs aren't bad. There are irregular verbs in lots of languages, including English, and it's just a matter of memorizing the bizarre tenses. But the subjunctive is difficult because of how there really isn't an example in English for comparison. We do have the PAST subjunctive (such as "if I were a rich man..."), which is why the past subjunctive in Spanish is pretty easy, but the present subjunctive is what is difficult to grasp at times. We just hardly ever use present subjunctive in English, and if we do, it usually sounds overly stilted and proper or it's from old-time writing (like Shakespeare or something). But other than that, Spanish is quite an easy language to learn. And if you take to Spanish easily, French is then quite easy. I've taken a couple years of French (never had the interest to go beyond that), and it was much more similar to Spanish than I ever realized. Even some infinitives are spelled and pronounced the same (i.e., "dormir"/"to sleep" and "venir"/"to come")!