In need of roommate advice

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Hello WP community,

School is back in session for me. I am in my second quarter as a freshman. I have a goal to concentrate harder on my work and get distracted by trivial interests less. Partying is pretty much ruled out because I can't really stand college parties.

One conflict I have, though is my roommate situation. He is a great guy, but he does party and drink alot. I ended up reporting him once because he came back so drunk and I was worried about him. I did consider changing rooms, but I am reconsidering because I really want to try and make this work. I have figured that I can pretty much stay out of his hangovers and parties in the room if he just cleans up after his messes (I can do my own thing most of the time).

Here is the issue: he says he could be bringing girls back to hook up with. If it is early enough in the evening, obviously, I could leave and find something for myself. However, he said even bringing a girl back at 3 AM is a possibility. He also does not have classes til 4 PM on Tues and Thurs. I am usually well asleep after midnight, let alone 3.

I have my own issues to deal with regarding girls, which I feel I am dealing with fine. But what would I do if he decides to bring back a girl that late? Should I try to negotiate further? I would think I'd have no other place to go by that time. Even my best bud would be asleep by then. Should I re-reconsider moving rooms? I would like some input.

At a minimum renegotiate so that he finds a different place to go with girls after midnight. I say best option is change roommates. I had a roommate like that but I found she often did not respect bounderies and even when she did, when school was stressful enough it caused tons of anxiety and I did not cop well. And this was in an apartment where there were different bedrooms. You seem to be talking about a dorm. Are you ready to regularly be woken up by your roomate coming home way late much less then kicking you out because of a girl?

There is leaning to work with people and then there is not even NT's like my sister do well in a situation like that one.

If you can't make it work, then don't jeopardize your academic career trying to. Dump him.

In my experience, many roommates if they're shown to be difficult early on, are not going to be worth your time to make it work. You're better off seeing if you can get your own dorm room. It might be pricey but it's better than dealing with a situation that could affect your ability to focus on college work.

[quote="tromboneking"]Hello WP community,

School is back in session for me. I am in my second quarter as a freshman. I have a goal to concentrate harder on my work and get distracted by trivial interests less. Partying is pretty much ruled out because I can't really stand college parties.
He is a great guy,

even an as*hole can be use charm to disarm... just because he "seems" to be a good guy doesn't mean anything. I have noticed there is a reciprocal contract of sorts in social contexts and people can take advantage of that. A simple gesture of getting your mail or doing little things may seem nice and at a point almost cause you to refrain from getting tough when it matters. That is what they do it is essentially trying to build a debt recipient so when you do really get pissed at something they will try to pull that out and say "see what I have done for you?" its a big con. If he was really nice and considerate and knew your habits and what not he would be more considerate and maybe refrain from bringing women over at that hour. he doesn't seem to be reflective enough to think "Hmm this might bother someone else that isn't me"

But I think first you need, if you are comfortable, explain to him why it is important you study in your room, explaining your AS. From there see what he does. If he keeps doing it and only apologizes verbally then its a lost cause. I would go with JBlitzen and AardvarkGoodSwimmers though and nip it before it even starts to become even a slight problem, before its too late, before you know it, it will rub your nerves raw. talk to whoever is in charge of housing about finding a single room or roommate who is more inline with your temperament and preferences.

I want to thank you all for your input. I'll have you know that I did move rooms and now I have my own room. It is very nice. I hardly have seen my roommate since I moved on Wednesday evening.

Thanks for the update, trombone.

Sorry it didn't work out, but it's good that you're staying focused.