Help with Statment of Intent for Grad School

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Not sure if this the right board to post this in but here it goes anyway. I am writing my statement of intent for Graduate school in Archaeology and I decided to include a segment about my aspergers and how it has affected me and I am a little afraid it makes me sound like a nutter. I would love feedback on that portion as well as any feedback in general from individuals who have had to write these before about the entirety. Any feedback is greatly appreciated.

My passion for archaeology itself begins in the peculiarities of my mind. I am one of those rare individuals diagnosed with high functioning Asperger syndrome and to me the study of archaeology functioned to fulfill some need within me to feed what has now become my primary obsession. I say obsession here not in a tongue in cheek manner, Individuals with Asperger syndrome such as myself are prone to obsessive behavior some are as specific and weird as counting the number of times the letter T is spoken during commercials, mine however is luckily not so restrictive. I will repeat myself I obsess over archaeology to the point the walls of my study are covered in notes and I have to move a stack of research books off my stove in order to cook my dinner. I would say I devour books but given the last statement I wouldn’t wish to confuse the situation. Please however to not think I unstable or some such rot, I have spent much of my life learning to overcome the disabilities of my disorder and have pursued my passion from childhood through college where I typically excelled in my area of interest and was even inducted into my local honors society for archaeology all while supporting myself by working a series of jobs that have given me a strong work ethic an experience in teamwork. I also managed to perform a summer field school that while specializing in historic archaeology did give me a firm basis of understanding for American methods of excavation.

I tell you all of this not to promote myself so much as to give you a brief perspective upon how much archaeology has been an important part of my life and the drive I hope it shows I have for the field. Naturally though certain weaknesses has become apparent to me from taking such a curving path towards studying “Celtic” archaeology, I am largely unfamiliar with European methods of excavation and perhaps my greatest is, with the exception of one class I took down at the University of Mississippi, that I have little formal training in Celtic Studies. I have however read every book I can find on the Celts that was made available to me but I believe this has given me a limited perspective based around a lot of brilliant if old work. Having guidance in the more modern and specific areas of study is one of the primary reasons I wish to attend your institute.

It was through John Creighton’s book Coins and Power that I first became aware of your institute. I enjoy Professor Creighton’s approach to Celtic Archaeology as it appears, at least to me, that he engages his targeted area of interest but considers the bigger picture at play more than some academics I have read. My recent emails with him have already been immensely useful to increasing my understanding of “Celtic” societies and I eagerly look forward to the chance to work more closely with him. With Professor Creighton’s aid I have refined the area of focus for my own research down to a more focused look upon the ritualized role of prestige goods and their interactions within the societies and how the patterns of distribution might indicate a more ritualized animistic nature of the society. I think that the nature of the distributions of hoards and burials as well as other votive offerings could be indicative of a religious system in parlance with personified landscapes and objects and that because of this the Celtic system of redistribution of prestige goods is ritualistically expanded to include them. I am very eager to continue this line of inquiry and further my understanding not only of “Celtic” culture but archaeological method in general with him and the rest of the department.

I applied to grad school for three years in a row before I finally got in, so I've had a lot of practice writing statements.

I would strongly suggest not talking about Aspergers in your statement. I don't think it makes you sound like a 'nutter' but it could definitely come off as you playing the sympathy card rather than trying to get in on merits. Clearly some aspects of Aspergers have helped you to excel in your field (the same is true for me), but let me suggest a better approach. Talk about those aspects without naming Aspergers and use more positive wording. For example, instead of obsession, you could say fascination. Immediately back up these traits with concrete examples, especially examples from archaeology work you have done in undergrad - classroom research/presentations/projects, fieldwork, independent research, job experience, etc.

Additionally, you don't know what the admissions committee knows/doesn't know about Aspergers. They are not supposed to discriminate against persons with any type of disorder or disability, but they may still do so unconsciously.

Statements are short, which means you need to pack in as much as you can - be concise and to the point, and talk about what the admissions committee cares about. They want to know if you will be able to do research, and if you will fit into their program. Greater than 1/3 of your essay is about Aspergers. To the review committee, Aspergers is not going to be immediately relevant to your academic experience (though you and I know differently). If you talk about specific archaeology experiences (emphasis on experiences during and since undergrad), and what you took out of those experiences, you will show the committee that you are motivated and genuinely interested in archaeology. You mention a summer field school - you could talk more about that.

Unrelated to the Aspergers stuff, in the second paragraph, you talk a lot about what you don't know. I'd recommend against that - talk about what you do know instead. Talk about what you learned in that class you mention you took at the University of Mississippi.

The last paragraph is great.

I'm sure you know this already, but I'll mention it anyway just in case - you need to get someone to proofread for you, and throughout the essay your sentences could be smoothed out to read more clearly and to be more concise.

I know I'm probably coming off as pretty critical, but I want you to do well, and I don't think you are showcasing yourself as well as you could.

Thanks for the advice, I was afraid when I wrote that I was a little bit on a tangent. I emphasized the aspergers before because of the professor I want to work with. I discovered he had recently wrote an article about employing people with disabilities in archaeology so I kind of figured why not mention the disability but I think your right it comes off as to long and pitying. I have rewritten the statement trying to emphasize what you said. I worry that its to banal though.

I wish to go to the University of Reading because it is where I believe I can acquire an expertise in Celtic Archaeology I cannot get in the United States being so far from the sites and the artifacts. I studied Celtic archaeology briefly under Mathew Muarry at the University Of Mississippi who succeeded in stoking a desire to pursue Celtic archaeology I had been nursing since doing a simple high school report back analyzing unfamiliar mythologies. From high school I pursued a long standing desire to be an archaeologist in a roundabout way studying sociology initially which has given a wonderful ability to analyze the validity and bias of research questions after much time analyzing survey questions for that field. From there in the summer of my sophomore year I finally took a field school in archaeology. It specialized in historic archaeology from the American civil war admittedly not an area of history that has greatly fascinated me but it functioned as a introduction to the physical aspects of the job and after two months of sweating in southern Arkansas I certainly learned I could handle the physical aspects but also in the course of it I learned a great deal about analyzing pottery sherds, basic laboratory preparation, and a familiarity with a transit station, not including the less formally taught aspects of patience and a an ability to work with others in very close confines.
After that I left for the University of Mississippi with the singular intention of taking Professor Murray’s Celtic Archaeology class purely on the recommendation of the lone archaeologist at my previous college that “Ole Miss has a good Celtic Program”. While the class was brilliant and I learned a lot about Oppida like Danebury and the nature of the great burial of the man with the golden shoes; The primary takeaway I got from the class was the product of a simple book recommendation which Professor Murray set me on after I talked his ear off one morning about a series of coins and weights found at the site of Manching. This recommendation was to be my first introduction to Coins and Power by your Professor John Creighton.
I enjoy Professor Creighton’s approach to Celtic Archaeology because it appears, at least to me, that he engages his targeted area of interest but also considers the bigger picture at play more than some academics I have read. My recent emails with him have already been immensely useful to increasing my understanding of “Celtic” societies and I eagerly look forward to the chance to work more closely with him. With Professor Creighton’s aid I have refined the area of focus for my own research down to a more focused look upon the ritualized role of prestige goods and their interactions within the societies and how the patterns of distribution might indicate a more ritualized animistic nature of the society. I think that the nature of the distributions of hoards and burials as well as other votive offerings could be indicative of a religious system in parlance with personified landscapes and objects and that because of this the Celtic system of redistribution of prestige goods is ritualistically expanded to include them. I am very eager to continue this line of inquiry and further my understanding not only of “Celtic” culture but archaeological method in general with him and the rest of the department.

This one is definitely a lot better, and you are on the right track. To make it sound less 'banal', I would work on using more exciting, descriptive language, and getting a good flow to your sentences. You might try adding a hook at the beginning, something that will catch their attention right away. Have someone who knows you, your experience, and archaeology read it through and offer suggestions.

If you haven't already, poke around the gradcafe admissions forums, lots of people there all in the same boat working on applications, especially statements.
GradCafe

Thanks you've been a huge help. Seems like everything I Google about writing a good statement of intent just contradicts everything else I read. I will definitely give this gradcafe a go.