Please help. I've messed up.

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I'm 19. I began college in September.

I made a complete mess of my time in secondary school. Because it was a mainstream school and because my mum was so reluctant to listen to the teachers when they suggested that I might have a learning disability, I did not get a diagnosis until I was seventeen: one and a half years before graduation. At that stage, I had gotten too upset and too confused that I had fallen back on all my work and there was no way I could have managed to get 100% in all my exams when it was time to do the state exams.

I got 340 points (including the points given to me for being a special needs kid). The highest number of points I could have gotten is 620 points.

I did manage to get into my first choice of college: a drama course in my local university (one of the biggest universities in Ireland.)
Because it was such a mainstream college, with so many people, and because I decided to move out into student housing (meaning that I always have to put up with over-stimulation), I found it unbearable. The course itself was awful: everyone in the course was more interested in Thursday night drinking than the coursework, and they were all rather stupid. I know that sounds harsh but it's true: I was on a completely different level than them and I was not mentally stimulated enough.) I got bored very quickly. And the only "acting" I did was a short play, that I could have easily done in a Saturday class, instead of having to go to college for it.

I've now dropped out of college (although I'm still stuck in the student housing until the summer).

Now, I don't know what to do.

-Because I didn't get a lot of points, I'm not able to apply for any of the Physics-y college courses
-I have absolutely no idea what I want to do with my life. The only things I've ever been seriously interested in when it comes to possible careers are novel-writing (writing has been one of my "aspie obsessions" since I was nine) and videogame design (because I prefer indie games, that's something that I have to teach myself instead of going to a college for it).
-I don't know how to get a job. I tried to get a part-time job as a door-to-door salesman, selling stuff for Airtricity but (1) I have awful social skills. Going door-to-door requires great social skills, as we have to convince the consumer to buy the product (2) the person I was going around with on the training day, who was showing me how it's done, was dishonest to one of his customers. I ended up going back to her house afterwards, because if she didn't know that she had lied to she'd have ended up having to pay a fee for not paying her direct debit. My trainer told her that it wasn't direct debit, when it is, which he boasted to me about afterwards, which is how I know he lied. I'm too dishonest to be a salesperson (3) when I had to give the pitch (ie the things I'd say to the customer) to my employer, I felt too under pressure and ended up messing it up. Thus I didn't get the job. So I now don't have a job. There are no jobs available in Ireland at the moment, especially not for someone who's never had any work experience.
-I'm currently recieving payment from the after-fostercare system. However, after the summer (when the exam results come out and they find out I'll be no longer attending the college I signed up for), I will not get this payment.
-I can not get the dole (unemployment benefit) because my mum would hate me for it. Although she's my fostermum, she's been with me my whole life and she's the only mum I have so I don't want to lose her.

How do I turn my life around? How do I tell my family that I've dropped out? How do I get a job? And where the hell am I meant to live if I can't get a job? I'm only 19. I don't want to end up being homeless: I'd rather die than be homeless.

Any advice?

I'm sure your mum would prefer you to get the dole than to die. it would give you some time to figure things out.

Hi
I also dropped out of college... I was failing out because I didn't know how to function with all the strange people around me. I took a year off and worked, then went back and found my place.... focusing on the work, not the people. I did make friends eventually, but not in a stressful way. Now I'm 31 and completing my masters degree.

You will have to tell your family. Be honest with them and tell them you are having a hard time mixing with the students and finding your place in your studies. You will need to get some help from someone that is familiar with Asperger's that can help you to succeed in college if you decide to go back.

Transition to college can be absolutely terrible for someone with Asperger's. You must have access to a support system. Look into your college's disability service and see if they have some sort of support for student's with Asperger's. Chances are there are more out there like you on your campus that are experiencing similar problems.

Another option is living at home while you go to college, if that is possible.

If you go the job route, don't be afraid to apply to a ton of jobs... and don't settle for something that puts you in awkward situations (salesman). There are a lot of jobs out there that don't require you to force things on people. If you do get a job, consider going to school part time, or just researching subjects that you might want to pursue.

If you have a subject you are interested in, research the job market for that subject. It is dangerous to go into a degree path not knowing what your opportunities will be when you finish.

One thing I always say is that there are many different ways to succeed at life - not everyone is meant for college at 19, and I've had people in some of my classes at uni that are well into middle age and getting bachelor's degrees. Some people just need more time to find a situation that works for them.

I echo the person above, though, that said it's better to go on the dole than die. Don't ever feel ashamed for taking assistance that you need and qualify for. That's what it's there for.

You sound like someone who's thought this through clearly and thoroughly, and I'm sure you'll make the right choice for you.