Okay, with social issues, it kind of remains the zen art of trying less hard.
The dorm with a meal plan seemed to be a high probability way. For example, casually hanging out late afternoon and then going down to the cafeteria as a group. Or, walking with a dorm mate to a local store to pick up a soft drink or snack. Something like that, doing the light task together.
As a male, when I went to large university back in 1982 at age 19, I was surprised at the occasional threats and physical bullying in the dorm. Like throwing males together in the military, you get a recourse to chimpanzee behavior, which is pretty much exactly what it was. It was between junior high and high school. I mean, it wasn't as bad as junior high. But it wasn't as settled and peaceful as high school. I genuinely recommend taking a couple of individual boxing lessons for confidence and self-defense. And I realize this may sound crazy. Good, tight defensive boxing, because you'd almost prefer a draw because you'd rather not humiliate someone you're likely to see again. And I wish this fact was better understood in international relations! And please don't take a bunch of blows to the head during training because all that stuff about post-concussion syndrome, and even cumulative lesser blows, is largely true. Just say to the instructor, I don't want to take a bunch of blows to the head. And if he or she isn't hip to it at this point, get another instructor. And the zen of it all . . . Hopefully, if you're prepared, a fight actually becomes less likely.
And consider verbally standing up for someone else. Sometimes a simple confident, he/she seems okay to me, is all it takes. Sometimes it doesn't. People are endlessly fascinating and impossible to predict in all kinds of different ways.
In some dorms, being good at ping pong or billiards gives you a kind of street cred. Just don't brag about it.
And I have generally been disappointed in groups. The group doesn't meet often enough to get any kind of social momentum going. Or, people attend the group like they attend passive consumer entertainment, such as going to a movie where meeting other people is not even on the radar. Or, most other people are already over-peopled. Or, the leader is half sorry he or she took on the responsibility and is not at all comfortable with delegating. For all these reasons, I have a theory that only about 1 out 9 groups work out. And that just means light-touch and respectfully visit a variety of groups.
04 Jun 2014, 8:37 pm
