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Cvulgaris
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Joined: 23 Jul 2014
Age: 42
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Location: New England

26 Sep 2014, 5:41 am

I started school again on August 25th. This is my second time at a 4-year college, but this time I have an associate's degree, so I'm coming in as a junior. I'm living on campus because my house is 1h20m away in good weather... and the weather won't be good much longer.

The transition has been hard for me because I'm away from my husband much of the time. I hate being so codependent, but I am. The worst is when I get upset--I have made a few close friends up here that I feel comfortable talking to and don't mind if they hug me. Sometimes when I get really upset, I need someone to hold me, and my husband knows this and has started getting jealous because some of my friends are male. There is history with that that I am not going into.

On top of that, my grandma had major surgery on Monday, and I am convinced that she is dying. Even if she recovers from this surgery, I feel like this is the beginning of the end. And I woke up yesterday with cramps--it's hard enough crying in front of people for a good reason, but I can't tolerate sitting in class crying just because of hormones, so I went back to my room.

I am a mess and I don't really know what to do. I don't want to freak my friends out by being super clingy and needy almost every freaking day. I'm behind on my homework because I couldn't focus on it earlier this week. I hate asking teachers for extensions. Just... everything in my life is a stressor right now.


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Dx'd Asperger's 08/20/14


beady
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26 Sep 2014, 6:02 am

Don't know if this will work for you, but it's what I would do.

Go to the library, and empty classroom, or wherever necessary and find a quiet, closed off space, where no one will bother you. Tell your friends you have to be alone to get some work done.

Start on your homework, no matter how you feel. Just try in the quiet for a while.
Then take break and write a letter, draw a picture, compose a poem or find one, do whatever you like to send to your grandma. You may think calling is faster and easier but your grandma is probably more old school and would be thrilled to receive something in the mail. I'm sure there is post office at or near your school.
In between the grandma project, take breaks and keep studying/working. Just get at least something done. Even making a small dent in your workload will make you feel a little better and that will hopefully keep growing into a better state of mind.



MissDorkness
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30 Sep 2014, 2:11 pm

Cvulgaris wrote:
The transition has been hard for me because I'm away from my husband much of the time. I hate being so codependent, but I am. The worst is when I get upset--I have made a few close friends up here that I feel comfortable talking to and don't mind if they hug me. Sometimes when I get really upset, I need someone to hold me, and my husband knows this and has started getting jealous because some of my friends are male. There is history with that that I am not going into.


Ah, yeah, that rings a bell right there.
Let's face it, 95% of my friends are male, and the girls generally aren't huggers.
Luckily, my husband acknowledges how my breakdowns require a 'hiding' hug that definitely isn't sexual in nature. I do, out of respect for the circumstances, not request one from a certain acquaintance of ours, nor anyone who might misinterpret the contact. The rest is cool.

Is your husband fine about the hugging with you? Mine understands my need, as I said, but, it apparently really annoys him when I need to do this on a regular basis, so I've recently stopped requesting it. It's kinda agonizing, but, it's different than his irritation or walking away... I just couldn't take the constant rejection or feeling like I'm putting him out.