Need tips for executive funct. probls. at school 14 y.o. son

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Hi MissDorkness
Lets see if i can figure out how to use the white quotes box.

You said:

[/quote]He gets very frustrated and mad at our son for not being able to get started on some assignments (open ended assignments immediately stall him, he can't get around the mental block of not knowing an answer or wondering which would be best or drawing a blank because he doesn't know where to start... he just shuts down), or doing an assignment and just forgetting to hand it in.
His desk is always either completely disorganized [quote]

It's exactly like my son.

It happens to me, too, even tho i'm very NT. My problem is that i think too much and have too many things floating around in my head. Having been a secretary for 18 years, i've developed great systems of using tons of file folders in boxes for hanging files, (I have my famous black plastic boxes for hanging folders that i bought in Staples in the states that i brought to spain which were cheap and fantastic, very portable from desk to talbe to wherever), elaborate Word general to-do lists with colored highlighting, bolds, elaborate titles, etc.

So sometimes with organization it's like the blind leading the blind but zillions of colred highlighters around the house.

He doesnt seem to have sensory problems. None that are obvious.

Obviously i didnt do the quote thing well.

here's another try
[quote] sometimes with organization it's like the blind leading the blind but zillions of colred highlighters around the house.

Whhahhah ! !!

I don't know how to do the quote white box thing aaaggghhgghhhhh!

Use [quote] at the beggining and [/quote] at the end

Well, it's good he's not obviously bothered with sensory issues. It's slightly worse for me than it is my son, but, it's enough to derail him. One of his earlier school teachers, when he was struggling much more, would give him a textured mat to stroke, and it seemed to calm him (a form of stimming, or repetitive self-stimulation).
I occasionally get teased at work for stroking my hair or bouncing or swaying, obviously I don't always realize I'm doing it.

Anyway, organization is much easier for me now that almost everything is done via the pc. I would let a pile of paperwork stack up for awhile and then go into a filing frenzy. Now I can resist the urge to get elaborate with it which takes some of the mental pressures off.
Heh, I do have loads of highlighters myself, too. I have to categorize things, and color code just about everything.

I hope to help guide my son to find ways to get and stay organized that will work for him.

I dropped out of high school due to mental health issues. I'm currently in the process of seeking academic upgrading so that I can go on to post-secondary.

MISSDORKNESS,

How old is your son?

He's 11.

Also has immaturity issues. Not that I wasn't guilty of the same. Heh, still might be.

I grew up having immaturity issues, too.

That definitely is not a doomsday scenario.

Miss Dorkness is living proof.

ah! this is want i want to hear, that perhaps as a teen you were a total mess in anything or everything and then as the years passed and maturity, experience, learning, being taught, etc. you were able to achieve many things that you wanted. But mostly, not being lonely.

thank you !

YESTERDAY in mass I ran into my kids third and fourth grade teacher and i said oh, you've got to see him socially (meaning how great he is with his friends when they come to the house, althoug he doesnt like to go out with them hanigng around ouside jof the house or going for pizza etc. (unless its for a specific thing like playing soccer or with bikes, or a very specific movie, etc. (or searching for ant farms which almost no one else wants to do hahaha) and she thought i'd say that socially he was doing terribly (because at those ages the teachers only saw them in the playground, they werent yet doing projects by groups in class, etc., so all she saw was how he was usually by himself in the playground, even tho in those days his friends were already coming around the house and he was fantastic totally normal witth them (at the activities they shared which were activities he knew well) and the same when he went to his buddies' houses.

Heck yeah. Thought I could do nothing right, thought I'd never fit in, etc.

I hit my stride when I settled into my industry (design & engineering), I've made loads of friends, and I can hang out and talk with them 24/7 when I get the chance. I can fake my way through most casual encounters now, too.
When my oldest's teachers tell him about maturity issues or 'being shy' and 'not engaging much with the other students' and doing poorly with group projects, I always take him aside afterward and tell him those things can change when he can select the people around him as an adult.
I was slightly better at group projects a couple years ago when I finished uni, but, I was inwardly agitated the whole time. DRAMA! and slackers. and people who were even worse at communicating than me. and with a project topic I never would've picked in a million years. I couldn't hide that from him when I was going through it, but, I told him what I was doing to cope (keeping the project organized through google docs instead of emails), and avoiding talking to the other students one on one (drama) and not judging them because they didn't seem to understand things that seemed clear to them.

I'm not going to paint it all rosy and say my husband (met him through work) never gets frustrated with my stumbling blocks, because he does. But, we've been married longer than my parents already, so I guess I'm doing okay in that regard.
And, I have been employed long-term in jobs, so I can learn the rules (though the thought of leaving a job scares the jeebies out of me even if it could be better for my career. lol.).

Executive functioning issues are still a problem for me, let's be honest. Auto bill pay is a life saver, because so many times I would just forget time had passed and it was time to pay them, late fees! I've got a really good credit rating now.
(One thing with us though is that our lack of social skills and always trying to make people happy and assuming we are the problem, does make us more likely than NT's to end up in relationships where we're taken advantage of.)

Anyway, your son doing great with his select friends at home and not so great in school is completely and totally normal.

Heck, and at least I won't have to worry about adolescent drugs drinking and sex with him. There's another bright spot ! Although both my kids have known for years all about the abc's of responsibility in those areas. Without any drama. Just common sense.

Will the teacher post notes online so all students have access to them? Will the teacher allow the lecture to be tape recorded?

Nope. Not yet. they're still dinosaurs. some grades and some HW assignments of some of the teachers are sometimes posted on the school website, and some notes are xeroxed (another 14-year old kids notes, however, sometimes can't extract enough info from that). No recording of lectures. And if you want ot see an exam to get an idea of where he went wrong, you have to make an appt. with the teacher and look at it with him/her. They keep all exams from leaving the school because of some fear they won't be returned and when the school inspector comes and says show me what you've got for the last x years, well, stupid policy. No one undestands why they do that.

I needed to do a couple of things; first I had to understand the necessity of taking the course, and this had to be a genuine, logical reasoned, need. For example if you do not learn these algebra problems you will not be able to calculate unknown gear ratios for your motorcycle engines or design the boat hulls you love. In other words tie the course in a genuine way to something he is passionate about. To say merely you have to take algebra 1 so you meet the qualifications for college will not break through the barrier and need for concrete reasoning and logic and truth. Second for me is try to get the school to structure the classes to be of shorter over all duration and longer each session with breaks, he may do better in summer school studying one or two subjects intensely and then moving to the next one.

Yes! Absolutely -- it's all related to motivation.

At this age he is only motivated by whether he likes a subject. But even those subjects he likes he spaces out also. I see him motivated in the subjects he excels in (up til recently he didnt excel in anything even though it was know he hadhigh math ability), or when team work is part of it (so that he doesnt let his team down). Then at home we memorize the chapter and gets a good grade on the exam. But what happens when mommy can't memorize with him. The summer course suggestion or having the school adapt class length is not feasible here in spain. Thanks for your suggestions.