Dorm Life and Roommates for Aspies

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I just graduated high school and am starting college in the United States in the fall. I'm looking forward to the experience and having a fresh start to try and make friends, but I really don't know how I am going to deal with a roommate. I am very particular about the way things look in my personal space and have trouble focusing and studying in environments where I am likely to be bothered--as I might with a roommate whose stuff is not exactly aesthetically pleasing and particularly bothersome to me. I am very picky about things like color coordination, designs and decorations, and overall tidiness. I am most comfortable in spaces of my own design and am worried that living with a roommate with different tastes and habits to my own might be difficult for me. I am already quite "bossy" and I don't want to impede my chances of building relationships by discussing these problems with my future roommate. I really want to room alone but I am an Honors student and will be living in a small dorm in which I must have a roommate. Do any other Aspies with similar problems have any wisdom on the matter?

Thanks.

you are going to have to compromise. if you can't study in your room, there's always the library.

You might have several options. You could ask about a compatibility quiz, which could pair you up with someone whom you would more likely get along with. Or you could see about rooming with somebody you already know.

Regardless, you're going to have to make certain compromises and perhaps sacrifices if you're going to live in close quarters with someone.

I personally love having roommates. Then again I'm one of those really social aspies and I don't have specific issues with certain decorating. I in fact like having only one half of a room to decorate and I physically and psychologically can't spill over to the other side. It would make my organization and routine seem out of place. You will have to put up with a certain amount of stuff you might not be comfortable with. If you really think it will be to annoying and an issue to have a roommate you could see if the school will give you a single room as an accommodation through disability services.

Living in student accommodation means that you need to get used to others habits and lifestyles. Depending on the facilities and what the accommodation is like, you might be able to live in your own flat, but most likely you'll have a room to yourself and maybe share some sort of common area (or worse, sharing a bedroom).

I stayed on campus for a while at uni (I'm now living off-campus). It was a pretty good place, but way overpriced. Mind you, each bedroom had its own en-suite, a massive desk and loads of storage space. Obviously you could make a few embellishments, such as adding a plant or bringing your own furniture, but you were not allowed to remove any of the existing furniture (a bed and a desk chair).

The the kitchen was shared by everyone who lived in the flat (up to 6 people). Decent size compared to other places (it was also kind of a common area with basic sofa things). You have to get used to sharing the space and you may very well find that your roommates are not as understanding towards your needs. I had one roommate that everyone hated because he stole furniture from the kitchen, never cleaned up after himself, damaged property, and he also smoked in the house (against the rules of the accommodation). You can complain about bad roommates to the landlord or whoever is managing the place, but for the "lesser crimes", like the occasional party or somebody accidentally using your cutlery, you either grin and bear it or just negotiate with the person yourself.

Depending on where you stay, you might have inspections. I know I did and one of our inspectors would outright take things out of the rooms if they felt they were a fire hazard. Mind you, she was really anally retentive about everything, including cleanliness (even if it was the smallest speck of dust).

You might have issues with your landlord if you stay outside campus, so always check the reputation of the letting agent and landlord.

That's all I can remember to mention right now. Good luck.

Sadly, colleges deliberately mismatch students in room assignments to teach them "diversity." Don't be surprised if something like 90% of the freshman class trade room assignments within the first 2 months of school.

You should let residence life know you have autism and to be smart about who they pick as a roommate. Your prospective roommate would appreciate that as much as you will.

I lived in a dorm which had two bedrooms, one large which 2 people shared, and one small which was mine. It costed slightly more, but I got my own personal room.

I enjoyed having the roommates (except they were in the other room, so I'm not sure what to call them). We had a small common living room area with a couch and a TV where we could socialize. And I enjoyed having many other college age people around. Gave me a lot of opportunity to meet other people.

Maybe give the dorm manager a note from your doctor that you have Asperger's and need a private room. When it comes time for them to decide who gets what room, they'll give preference to the students who actually need a private room, followed later by the people who just would like a private room. (If indeed private rooms exist where you're going.)

(Plus if you live in America a note from a doctor is like having a note from God.)

Another option is to rent a private room in a house near the college. That's what I'm doing now. Do a lot of shopping around if you want to research that. Many places might be dumps or wholly unsuitable, but there's usually a few that are quite nice with nice housemates. Also on Craigslist there's a place you can post for "housing wanted". Post a little about yourself. I've found lots of people who have a room to rent don't want to just do a "cattle call" and post it on Craigslist, instead the look at the "housing wanted" section to see if there are any people who seem a good fit. Usually they basically want someone who is quiet (no loud music and no parties and no smoking and no drinking to excess). So if you are a quiet person, non-smoker, don't do drugs, don't party, not "420 friendly" (which means they smoke marijuana. I forget why the number 420 means that.) Basically you can find a "house mom" (that's what I call them) people who rent a house, or own a house, and then they rent out the extra rooms, and they're looking for someone who's quiet, doesn't smoke or drink or do drugs, who won't trash the place, who is respectful of others.

Basically it's easy to tell rather quickly if you go look at the place and meet them. You can quickly tell if it's a place you'd likely feel comfortable. (Although new places are always a bit scary for me.) And they can quickly tell if you're someone who would fit well with them.

The advantage of living in a dorm is you get to meet many other students and make lots of friends. The disadvantage of renting a room in a house is you have to make a bigger effort to get out and do social activities. Though the proper house with a few good people can be quite enjoyable I've found.

Or you can rent a studio apartment, but that tends to get slightly more expensive. I suggest if you are considering renting a studio or apartment, check out the place at night to see if it's quiet or noisy, or if all the neighbors smoke.

Best wishes!

The downside of living off-campus is that you usually can't be on a meal plan (but it might be waived if you have a doctor's note requiring you live off campus due to disability accommodation issues). I certainly think you'd get more for what you pay for compared to most dorm rooms. You may be stuck with a commute between your residence and the campus...which means you either stay on campus all day or trek back and forth as needed.

The pro of on-campus living is that everything is within a short walk, so you can be active on campus since it's not going out of your way. Students who were "commuters" really did not get any of the benefit of campus life (even though they were paying for it) because they couldn't spend all day hanging around for stuff to happen. They attended classes and went home.

A "private" room on campus is often a joke, but see what they offer. It's not like you get a room all to yourself. My college literally had a converted closet and called it a private room...and charged 50% more for being assigned to it. Other people got a private room that happened to be by the balcony (old building from WWII), and so they got double the space because the balcony (only accessible to them) didn't count because it was outside.

Your bedroom -if it's one bedroom per person -might wind up being your space. The common areas you might have to compromise.