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I had planned to post another vent about my life post vacation. I hope you will listen to this passage and give me advice at the end. Thanks for listening.

Right now life for me is very overwhelming. I am in work and school at the same time.

Lets get started with school. I am taking four courses this semester, one is a speech class and I am terrible at making & delivering speeches. The other courses are not so bad because I have some familiarities with those classes just from taking them in high school. I feel the workload is a lot, and its giving me anxiety because I'm being pressured by my mom to get all As which I feel at this point would be an almost impossible task. I have no other relatives, and my only friend is too busy himself with school to give me advice and tips on how to conquer these courses. I am going to attempt to use the schools media center tomorrow afternoon and try my best to deliver the speech, but I fail automatically if I make even one small mistake. IMO Thats ridiculous, how strict can a professor be? Its unfair. This one of the prime things I want people to share down below after reading this rant: what experiences have you had taking a speech class?

Work is even worse. I have tried time and time again for another job, in fact I worked so hard to find another job I got two interviews the day after I came home from my trip, one of them ended in failure, the other I am supposedly going to be hearing from them next week as the job isn't supposed to start until the 17th, but have little hope that'll work out because its far more advanced than I thought it was and I even thought somebody had put me on the roster by accident, as the job requires a college degree. I got both calls while at the beach. So, now I am only left with two dismal choices, stay at my crappy retail job until I leave college (thats the explanation for the hurry up and graduate) or work for one of my relatives who I hardly speak to and haven't seen in two years and I'd get paid absolutely nothing working one hour twice a week stuffing envelopes at home. Both lead to major repercussions, the first that I'll be too overwhelmed at times to work on my schoolwork, if I can at all, but I'll have something to do, and the second, while it'll be easier to work on my studies, during times I have no schoolwork or work for the job I'll be bored as hell because most girls think I don't exist and even guys are starting to notice I'm "odd." As such I will have nowhere to go and nothing to do with people my own age, it was all couples at the beach and that made me feel worse.

I am on the verge of either a major depressive episode or a nervous breakdown. I haven't seen my therapist in weeks because first we've been away and second my mom doesn't like his availability time as she isn't an early bird and can't wake up at 9am to drive me to the appointments. I am finally seeing him though next Tuesday.

As I said, please comment down below if possible. I am in a very troubling and serious situation and there's no immediate escape.

I'm really trying to put this in a way so it doesn't sound pessimistic, I generally don't sway as much to that sector as I used to. Bottom line is I'm just overwhelmed.

Wait a second, Duck....the stuffing envelopes job pays you NOTHING?

As for school, just try your best. You don't have to get all A's unless you want to go to graduate school. A B average is more than enough. If you want to get honors, you should get between an A and B average. You should shoot for a B average, though--that's the requirement for many majors. To graduate from college itself, in actuality, all you need is a C average.

Tell him to shove it! That's ridiculous--expecting you to work for no pay. He's a DISTANT relative.

Try a student job. They usually have few/easy to satsify qualifications besides being a student.

What happened with your speech class? In the first speech class I had, we had ridiculous expectations like that too. The teacher said she'd count how many times we made "non-verbal utterances" (saying "like" or "um" or clearing our throats) or shuffled around and when she got to something like five or ten we failed.

I've had to publicly speak many times in my life since then and it hasn't been a big deal. Once I realized and internalized the FACT that everyone in the world is an idiot and no one cares, it stopped mattering if I shuffled or said um. When I stopped being self-conscious people told me I was an interesting and helpful speaker. That's pretty funny if you think about it. The only way I was able to get to the point of being helpful was to believe that everyone I was talking to was an idiot who didn't care what I did or said.

But that's true in the beginning, when you're in a class like that. No one else in that class is even listening to you. They're all worried about their own presentations. Just talk like you're telling a friend about something that interests you.

Whatever happened with your job situation?

You have to work? Theres always student loans, working part time won't do much toward college, just let that be student loans and focus solely on school. Also, a speech class will be helpful in the long run. Although its a bit BS that you say that one mistake fails you, because im pretty sure everyone will make 1-2 mistakes. But just practice your speech over and over again, and this experience will be good for you despite being stressful, it will eventually lead to read world situations where you aren't as stressed. And you say the other classes aren't that bad, so I don't see a massive problem here. Now you know 100x as much as I know but what I would do is just take a big breather, work on your classes, quit your job, get good sleep, and focus on those A's like your mom wants you to get. College never promised you it would be easy and for having autism it's only that much harder. Good luck.