Conflict between friendship and scholastic expectations?
I was very lonely for about a year and was significantly ostracised by students in my yeargroup. Then I met a bunch of international/Special Needs students and we got along quite well. However very often (especially after the beginning of serious dissociation that continued till today and a major failure in a mathematics competition I prepared really hard for) there is a voice in my head telling me to stop hanging out with them & go study in the library during the breaks. I am fairly certain that if I leave this bunch I'll never find a stable group of friends all the way till graduation (3 years away). I'm also rather sure that if I'm on my own I'll be bullied like the time I did during my lonely first year. I might be mostly a straight-A student, but if I hit someone again as a stress response I'll be expelled from the school.
My main reason for wanting to go study is major fear for my university application. I have one shot at aiming for top-tier universities, and if I cannot go there I might as well die from boredom at a more ordinary school, provided that I did not do something impulsive beforehand. I have trouble falling asleep nearly every day due to accusations of inefficiency from myself.
What should I do?