I want to drop out. PLEASE READ

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I signed up for all my classes at a community college the other day, and I am really upset. I like working and I don't want to go to school anymore.

My mother made me go with her and my grandmother (dad's mom) to take the placement test even though I had changed my mind, and they say I change too much so I should go.

Then, the placement test lady (after I found out I need remedial math of all hell holes) brought me to a guy who signed me up for all my classes. I tried telling him that I hate school but he said "you'll be fine."

Normally, most people would agree, but I don't want to lose my job and if I had to do both and have no free time, I might go into my dark place again.

When I was a freshman in HS, I almost tried to hurt myself because I was so upset from studying all the time and not having fun. Plus, I was traumatized so many times since kindergarten, and I just HATE HATE HATE school and I feel ill when I think of going. In middle school, I even had an eating disorder because school made me so ill that I couldn't eat most of the time.

Please, what should I do? Everyone keeps saying "you need your DEGREE" & I hate the word DEGREE. Even my therapist called me a low life because I want to work. He said I was "a low life worker bee" and that my salary is "welfare" and he told me that I will never have my dreams if I don't go to stupid college even though my dad is only a HS grad and makes over 6 figures. He said something like "Oh please, that was 20 years ago" and acted like I wasn't special enough. He made me have a meltdown, even.

I KNOW I am and I am ****ing sick of people saying I should be normal or that I should go to school when it makes me sick to go. I had to finish my HS diploma by correspondence because dealing with all those fake people and stupid homework put me in a partial mental institution program!! !

I just really want to cancel all of the college stuff and pursue my dreams of working and saving to move away and pursue fame. My uncle has a PhD and he's all excited about getting me to take classes and my friggin' guidance counselor told me if I don't ****ing STUDY that it's a waste of my potential.

How the hell do I tell people to back off and stop ruining my life?

please don't pay for school when it isn't something you'll be emotionally invested in.

Can you reason with them that you'll get a degree as long as it's something you enjoy? It would have to have practical use too, to be worth your time.

I applied there for Theatre, which is something I like. I'm still just really upset that I wasn't allowed to go to film school (I was accepted to 17 four year schools, not just CC) and nothing compares. Plus, deep down, even if I like theatre, I don't want to take the other classes like remedial math, normal math, psych, etc. I just hate going to school, getting out of bed, breakfast/lunch when I'm in school, homework, studying instead of TV and music and my stims, and I want to work as many hours as I can because I like money so I can buy the things my parents don't want me to have.

It probably would have applied.

What about just going part-time to start with? That would give you some lee-way to get adjusted and figure out what college is actually like (very different from high school). It would also give you more time to work and earn money.

I know I've mentioned this before in another thread, but since it seems you really want to go to film school, have you talked to your parents about transferring to a film school if you finish an associates degree at CC?

I can't get financial aid and they don't want to pay. They'd probably only let me commute to a state school afterwards. I'd rather not.

My backup plan is my parents' money and working multiple jobs. And, I'm not willing to even consider not being famous. My philosophy is that I will do it or die trying. Meaning, I would rather continue to pursue fame until death at old age that to dismiss it as impossible and be "normal." I understand that you were trying to be helpful, but please don't go there. Fame is the only goal I have. Although, I have a loose definition of fame. I would be happy doing what a friend of my dad's did and be in a couple of episodes of a show. It's just that I NEED that at the least. I always wanted to be on TV at least once since I got a TV at age 2, even if it were just a commercial or something. I became even more heartbroken when I was 10 and went on a baseball field trip where my best friend and another, more popular girl I envied so much were interviewed for the news. I ended up joining a choir later on just to be on the local channel performing at a mall, and I was devastated when I found out I was one of the few in the group that was not seen on film. What made it worse was that even my mother was seen walking by--holding my jacket in her hand. If I had that back then, it would have been enough. I just need to see myself on TV. I don't really care about being the next JLo or whatever. I would probably have too much trouble with remembering so many lines anyway. I just want to be that ex-girlfriend that gets interrogated for a few minutes about a murder, like on a cop show or something, so then I can get a credit for all to see my name and an IMDB page of my own. And, I don't care what anybody says. If the guy my dad worked side by side with (a regular non-rich guy) could be on L&A and If my grandma's (nurse) patient in my hometown can be an extra in a Brad Pitt movie, then so can I.

My art is my writing.

There is talent, there is hard work, there is dedication---there are also luck and external factors. That needs to be taken into account.

And by all means, keep working at it. just that there is no prearranged scheduled.

Stephen King did not know when he would make it. He rather had the mental image that he was standing in front of a slot machine dropping quarters in, he didn't know when he would hit, but he never had the feeling he would run out of quarters.

So what exactly is your plan to accomplish your goal?

How will you get the money, who will represent you, which company/show/movie will you work with?
How will you deal with fame if/when you do receive it?
Do you intend to make a career out of it, or just do a few movies/episodes?

You need to have these things in place if you will be successful.

If you do your planning right, and answer the above questions- and others your parents will probably ask- your parents will likely be more lenient with allowing you
to go to film school.

I would recommend calling these casting agencies and representatives to see if they have a place for you and make sure you actually have the representation you need- and money, mode of travel, etc. before you go.

Also, be sure that they are credible- I've run into casting agencies/representatives that at best scam you and at worst are predators.

What about Youtube? you can earn money and you could gain some fame that way.

Film school might have a lot of analyzing and categorizing techniques, rather than learning and developing techniques.

I know when I took a screenwriting seminar at a Houston film festival (World Fest I think is was), the guy said the whole first, second, and third act is more about how to analyze an existing script. And he talked a little about the early morning wisps of creative ideas. And there's even a technique where you first write the really neat parts of a story and then build outward from there.

Youtube, and doing projects of your own choosing? For writing, I find a penname often frees me up. Another technique is to first have a penname and then maybe later come out.


PS If I were start with college part-time, I might take the fun stuff like: Anthropology, second half of U.S. history, Art History I, etc., and pick up any remedial stuff on my own terms and my own schedule (if even then!)

I hated school growing up. Bullied, beaten up, wasting time on obvious stuff and skimming over more interesting things and all of the shallow social BS...

BUT! once I got to college, it slowly started getting better, better teachers, more down to earth students...
I'll be honest, I didn't want to go to college, BUT, I really needed health insurance.

As for being famous... there's different ways.
I never wanted to be on stage speaking in front of hundreds of people or being in a recording studio shooting videos and podcasts...
It happened, though.
All as offshoots of just working the career I ended up in after doing my AS at the community college...

Just saying there are many routes of to standing out and being famous, outside of Hollywood.