Need tips for executive funct. probls. at school 14 y.o. son

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My 14 year old son has terrible "selective attention" or "selective learning" which means that what doesnt interest him or is boring just gets ignored by his brain.

He has no clue how to study except having me and his private tutor spoonfeed him info so he can memorize it.
Very intelligent 123 WISC-IV IQ with 134 in perceptual reasoning.

This year in school (in Spain) they are giving out many notes on the blackboard to copy or dictated notes compared to last year. His handwriting is too slow. He misses all of them - he doesnt even try. The school, once they got the official diagnosis of aspergers decided to provide him with photocopies of another student's notebook, which rarely happens, then he misplaces them, etc. I hate this system because it means understanding someone else's handwriting, and if he wasnt listening in class when the explanation for the blackboard information was given then there are also abbreviations and highly summarized stuff that we might not understand at home. These notes make it a lot more difficult to study than when we only used the textbook to study.

Does anyone have any suggestions to overcome executive function problems at this age.

Can someone give me examples of their hopefully disastrous exec. function in their teens who were trnasformed into successful university students....pleeeeaaasssseeeee? I really need this.

Thank you, The Mom.

Hoo boy, if I knew the answer, I would have done a lot better in high school. As it is, I've never learned how to "study" things that don't interest me, and I have no clue how I managed to get through school at all. I rarely did assignments, only if they were for marks, yet typically I would do quite well on exams. This used to frustrate the living crap out of my teachers, but it's just how I worked.

1. At my highschool, many teachers would allow the students to take photos of the notes on the board (against school policy.) Many college professors have also allowed me to take photos of the board to get the notes, and to film the labs for analysis. Also, audio recording isn't an uncommon practice.
I would see if the school would allow for this.

2. A good support system would be nice at the school. Different people do better in different school environments, maybe you could see if there are any schools better suited nearby...

3. What do you mean by "successful"? Do you mean all A scores?

I don't know. But I never saw the point of getting A's. They are overrated. If I get them, I get them. If I get a B, oh well. If I get a C, meh, I'll just need to be a little more careful. Einstein wasn't a model student either. An ancient proverb says, "It is better to have one handful of quietness than two hands full of toil and a striving after wind."

I had a similar experience to mr. bigmouth 502. I rarely did homework, and often skimped on in class work except for tests and exams. I also managed to turn in the majority of my essays, which was good because 60% of my highschool grades was essays. I've had more multiple choice and Those essays would normally be written between 1 and 4 AM, the night before.

School is tough. I still have nightmares about it. I lost all sorts of papers and had a lot of trouble with writing written notes. I managed to pass through highschool school, ok. Despite having lower grades than some people, I managed to get into the most prestigious university out of anyone else from my highschool ever. I then proceeded to drop out of that university, because I couldn't handle it.

My point is that success is vague. Don't try to pressure your son too hard,. When I was pressured by my parents, things got worse for me. Most of all, don't worry. He's smart, and he'll probably grow up fine.

4. M.I.T. keeps most of their courses online for free. You can't get school credit for it, but it is a nice resource. I don't know what your son's interest is, but he could probably get quite a good, if narrow, education out of it.

I hope I've helped

Protogenoi

What are you going to do now that you've dropped out?

Mr. Bigmouth - did you go on to college? If so, how was your exec function in college?

Can he record the class?

Can he type better than he can write?

Not sure about his typing. He says he prefers to write. Perhaps as he gets older he'll feel more comfortable typing. Doubt very much he'll be allowed to record the class. Some of these teachers are dinosaurs. And we live in Spain so I dont know how recording would go over here for freshman year classes

Did the 20 year olds on this thread take ritalin in high school ?

you could opt to let him use a tablet or laptop, typing is easier to read, and in my own case, faster then writing, as long as the notes are plain text.

i have (in college, i wasn't allowed a laptop in high school), made my notes on the laptop and used a camera to grab the formulas and other drawings. this worked quite well, transferring the fotos to the word file in coffee breaks.

if that isn't an option, then pure fotos could work; snap a picture just before the teacher grabs the eraser again; that should have a simular effect. (of course, write/type out the notes later for the retainment, but that can then be done off the fotos, so there is more time)

Ditto.

Luckily by my 2nd time at uni, I found a lot more stuff interesting, so I did slightly better. But, yeah, even then, it was too much effort to force myself to concentrate the majority of the time.
OH, so I couldn't lose notes, by the end I started taking them electronically, even if it meant snapping photos with my phone. Then all my notes, typed, photos, screencaps from presentations, teacher handouts, readings etc I would combine all of them for a given week into a pdf and load them onto my kindle. I might lose paper, but, I'd never lose my kindle, because I'm reading all the time.
And having my school notes with me at all times gave me a reason to ignore people 'sorry, I'd love to join in the conversation, but, I have to study'.

I'm in my mid-30's (just finished uni at the end of 2011, hoping to go back for my M.S. after my B.S. loans are paid off), don't know anyone that was on ritalin back in my days in school. And with my mother being a poor advocate, it still took over a year for me to get a diagnosis for a serious neuromuscular disorder, because everyone kept saying my symptoms were only me doing things for attention and 'acting out'. If I could barely get my meds for keeping me alive from a concrete disorder, I sure as heck was not gonna get diagnosis and treatment for anything more ephemeral.

Whatevs. I'm always happy to see proactive parents here and hope that we here on the forums can provide perspective (I can also communicate way better by typing out an answer than trying to speak it).



Oh, and happy to see the other posters had similar coping mechanisms to me. College was a lot of stress and I always worried I could've handled it better if only I'd 'tried harder'. (one of the least favorite things my mom has said to me... constantly. lol. She still says it. I could be friendlier or more girly if I only tried harder. I'm plenty friendly... but, mostly to people who don't criticize me for being me or try to change me.)

You....don't....change....Daria!! !! !! !!

You should still write down your story.

Thanks. I don't intend to.

It's not nearly interesting enough, but, thanks.

Stop being so modest...and get to work!

I have taken adderall as an adult. I didn't take it from 13-20something by choice. I'd expect some push back if a child has grown up on it around that time.

It's very hard for a mother to make the right choices, how much "guidance" turns out to be punishment for something the child can't help compared with how much "guidance" is really really crucial to the child's well-being and not implementing it would be irresponsible on the mothers end.

My son is typically adolescent lazy about chores, etc. (his NT sister is as much if not more lazy) some if it is forgetfulness, some of it is selfishness (he's having more fun at the computer than emptying the dishwasher to help me out). And these are not aspie qualities they are everybody qualities. So I have to teach him like any mother to any child. Otherwise it would we irresponsible of me to not teach him.

But then you have to figure out which are apsie qualities that have to be allowed to be, and there are aspie qualities that can be worked on to make life easier (for jobs, school etc.) It's so hard to know which is which ! !! !! As I read books, talk to his therapist, his school guidance counselor, etc. etc. I will be better at knowing which is which but now it's so hard. That's why I'm turning to this forum for advice and personal experiences. I don't want the day to come when I think I failed him in this or that. If I'd only insisted on this.... If'd I'd realized that....I want to do the best by him because he deserves it. He's a lovely child and only has one mother and one father and if we fail him there's no going back adnd re-doing it.

I have a really hard time I can see from reading the forum to "respect" the aspie stuff that should be left as is. Because as I explained it's hard right now to distinguish which is jsut a 14 year olf boy and which is a 14 hear old boy with differnet wiring than the rest.

EXAMPLE today is a school holiday in spain. his friends were going out (these guys about 5 or 6 come every friday to my house for lunch. so today they planned on going out to eat. I forced him to go out with his friends - and they went to a burger place, and he didn't eat there. Just to demonstrate how pissed off he was that i made him go. returned home hungry. now his friends are here playing computer and wii-u games as usual. and he's happy. but he can't stay home holed up all day when his buddies are going out.

It s so frustrating. But I don't know how much i should insist on and how much to let go.

I started a thread a few days ago on the general forum group. If anyone wants to follow that with me.

I will be a contributing member for quite a while i'm sure, even if sometimes i don't have time to write or respond to each person.

thanks for everything.

I am currently going to a small community college, so I can take classes from home. Currently, I am studying for an associates degree in science, which will either branch towards medicine or computer science or preferably both.
Here at community college, I actually have some amazing professors. My executive functioning isn't very good, but (most of) my professors have allowed me to reschedule exams for myself and/or been generous with due date extension. This is a privilege that I could lose, so I make sure my work is top quality. They have been very good to me here, especially in comparison to my old college. There have been some professors who haven't been lenient towards me at all here though. The key is to find right the professors or teachers. I still find college to be tough, and it's very stressful for me.
I'm only 20, so I'm just starting out.
I don't use ritalin or any similar drug. I would never use any drug that is mind altering.

I know how you must be feeling.

My oldest son is just like me and I have a much easier time knowing what to push and what not to push. The hardest part is the time I spend 'arguing' with my husband about it (I state facts and he argues them).
He gets very frustrated and mad at our son for not being able to get started on some assignments (open ended assignments immediately stall him, he can't get around the mental block of not knowing an answer or wondering which would be best or drawing a blank because he doesn't know where to start... he just shuts down), or doing an assignment and just forgetting to hand it in.
His desk is always either completely disorganized or hyper organized and he freaks out when things get out of place. Usually, completely disorganized. It's less mental effort for him to deal with the mess than to see things out of place with the straight.
Anyway, I have to take my husband aside and explain to him anger isn't going to help, it's going to make the agitation worse.
He's such a typical neurotypical that he just does NOT get it. He tries, but, it's always a struggle (on my part).

Even when I tell him about my triggers and explain my coping mechanisms, he still gets mad at me for things on occasion (having to leave loud or flashy events, being nearly unable to talk on the phone, etc). I really think after 8 years of marriage he could accept it all the time instead of unpredictably getting frustrated with me. He does help most of the time, so I don't want to appear to critique him.
But, just saying that, even for someone willing and able to communicate (adult me), it's hard for someone as a partner or a parent to know what to do or accept the stuff that should be left as is.

Oh, both my son and I can focus better in school sitting off to the side where it might be less noisy or with less movement of students sitting too close. 14 is about the age when they have the desks a little further apart, from my experience, so it may not matter as much. For quiet work, sunglasses and white noise on my headphones makes it loads easier for me to focus.
NT's don't seem to get how distracting the world around us is (and it's something I did not realize about myself until I started reading up on the spectrum and recognizing my own triggers, which I couldn't have identified before).