too autistic for uni- dropping out.

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i would seek professional advise for your anxiety and depression. you can cope better if these are treated.

next, check if your university has special services for people with autism. in US(calif) most universities offer notetaking, recording lectures, extended time on tests. a letter from a psychiatrist might be enough.

use planners, alarm clock, bulletin boards, alarms on phone, anything you can to help with remembering and staying focused.

also have downtime for yourself even if only half hour to decompress from a hectic day. it will help you re -focus for homework and other things.

Hi twinklingstarlight,

Let me start off by saying that YOU ARE NOT THE ONLY ONE in this situation.

I have some issues with university too, with all the reading you need to do and making sure that everything is caught up. I guess some people can adapt to the sudden changes from high school better than others.

In term 1b I failed a chem lab course and I had to retake it during the summer (the term I was supposed to be "off"). In term 2a, I failed two courses.

I am currently "off" until May. I was originally in Mathematical Physics and now I've switched to Honours Science. I will take mostly biology courses and I'm hoping that it will work out.

Best of luck in your educational career
-jc6chan

I couldn't do university either. I wasn't diagnosed back then, and it made me feel horrible about myself. "I can't even do uni. How am I ever going to get a fulltime job? How am I supposed to take care of myself? What the hell is wrong with me? Why can't I do this? Why?"

The school before university was easy. Besides, I could skip classes a lot to regain my strength. At university, I couldn't really skip classes because I'd miss important things. So I had to be present in this big building every day, for hours and hours. And I got so much attention from my classmates. They were just trying to be friendly, but it exhausted me.

I never had any meltdowns or anything in class. I used to suppress them, and only let them out at home. But of course, I couldn't hold this up forever. When overloaded, I couldn't sleep, and yet I had to get up early. When tired, I couldn't focus at all. On top of that, I just hated being in that huge building, with people everywhere, the bright lights, the noise, constantly, hour after hour. And with guys following me around all the time (I was the only girl since I studied computer science), the attention and pressure just never seemed to end.

At one point I just stopped attending to classes. I'd oversleep, or I would wake up, and just decide not to go. Or I'd go home earlier. I was just so tired. It made me feel so inadequate. Useless. I just didn't understand: I had been waiting to go to study something I was actually interested in for years, and now I finally was, and I just couldn't do it because just being in that building exhausted me mentally.

A few months passed and I started getting behind in work. Because I skipped about half of all classes, I wouldn't know when to finish certain assignments. My grades were still decent even though I wasn't attending to most classes, but the pressure to work harder and harder only grew, whilst my motivation only got less and less.

At one point I just stopped caring about all sorts of things. My ever-tidy room turned into a huge mess. I forgot about all sorts of things, important or unimportant. And I didn't care that I did. Things I used to enjoy weren't fun anymore. Every day, I just tried to sleep as much as I could, so I wouldn't have to feel the way I was feeling. I just felt there was no point in anything anymore, as I couldn't see a future for myself. No uni because I can't be in a building amongst others; so how am I going to get and keep a job, and still be fairly happy, then? I felt there was no hope for me, and seriously considered just committing suicide. Life had never been too great for me, but my hobbies had always kept me going. My idea of my future. But it had collapsed, and with that, my will to live.

But then I decided I should try everything before resorting to suicide. So I went to a psychologist. She managed to help me out, and even suspected I'd have Asperger's. I was redirected and about a year later I was officially diagnosed with Asperger's. And that's how I ended up here.

Now I'm studying all by myself by just buying books or following courses. I even started my own company, I'm a freelancer now, and am currently working on my first "real" assignment, with (hopefully) a second one waiting for me. I don't get out too much, but I still have friends from the middle school thing who I at least see on birthdays and we go out to do something randomly every now and then. I'm alone most of the time, but I'm not lonely. I am very busy, but I'm not stressed. And I think I'm happy.