Those in college -- did socializing get any easier?

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I made NO friends in college, so I'd say it doesn't get any easier.

yeah I don't talk to people in my classes unless I have to, E.G. am given a group assignment to work on..

I mean, I guess in high school once I went to an arts boarding school, I got a lot better at social skills and made friends pretty easily. But in college, I make friends okay. I have friends that I've made in college, but most of my best friends are still my friends from high school. The school and town where I go to school could also be a factor. I go to a school in a smaller town then my art school and back there, I was around a lot of people with creative minds and just fought against the normal standards. Here, it's filled with a lot of small town people who are just mainstream-minded. It's all about sports and drinking here. I don't mind drinking every so often but other then that, there are many people here I share interests in. It's not a very creative-minded and artistic place. So I think that's one of the reasons why right now I don't have a ton of friends here at college and why I'm making friends through all my others friends from high school and their colleges.

I think its a big step that he wants to go to college, and has some ideas of the kind of college he wants or doesn't want to go to. I dreaded going to university from pretty much age 11, when I learned what it was and what it would mean doing. I never spoke to anyone about that fear because I wasn't diagnosed and had no way of explaining it, but I interviewed at Oxford and the experience alone almost killed me, since they made us stay over 2 nights and I had no preparation for that kind of thing. Complete meltdown. I was so relieved not to be accepted.

Anyhow, I wound up commuting my 3 year undergrad degree, though fortunately my first choice university was within commuting distance. However, I lost out on the social scene. I had some friends loosely in classes, but am in touch with nobody from that time now.

Last year I went to London to do an MA. London is far from home, so moving there had to happen. I began really freaked out by the idea of new people and would hide from my flatmates. BUT by the end of the year, I was not only talking to them, I was hanging out and going places with them, and am still in touch with some of them now I'm back home - one especially who I get on with really well. I also made some friends in classes.

I think the difference was that at 18 I wasn't ready for the culture shock of going to university, and had no knowledge or support re autism to do it. This time I was 29, knew I wanted it and so made it work, even though it started out scary.

Overall, people all age and develop at different times and ages, and have different needs. If he wants to go, then he should go. If he lives away from home, the chances are he'll find it hard to begin with, but if he's doing a subject he loves he will probably meet others who are more like minded than he might at school, which will help.

Also, he might meet other aspie people. In the UK, apparently, some of the top universities expect large numbers of autistic applications in certain academic fields, and certainly UK institutions are very geared up to deal with autism - much more ready for me than I realised they would be . It's possible that if there's a disability officer, they might know other autistic people who your son can meet, or they might have a mentor system or a buddy system to get him integrated at the first step. I don't know about universities outside of the UK, but I would be surprised given the good reputation of universities in North America if they didn't have some kind of support network available.

I have never had a friend in my life and college was no different for me.

Almost all the people I talk to nowadays I met in college.

The key is to get yourself out there. During freshmen orientation, go to the events, try to talk to people, get phone numbers, see what happens. The WORST thing you can do during freshmen orientation is just sit in your dorm. Most people going to college don't have their old peer group from HS so they are out of their element so they are more social and willing to meet new people.

If you have special skills, market them. I met my best friend (still to this day) because my room mate and her room mate had a class together and she mentioned her room mate needed IT Help and my room mate knew I worked for the campus IT labs.

I could have let it die with just fixing the PC, but I invited them all to lunch and things grew.

How mild is he? That will depend on how he perceives the social difficulties at university (I would gather those more mild will have these difficulties impact them more because they are more conscious of it.) When I was in high school I had friends in grade 10, but after that I had NOOOOO friends. I dropped out of high-school, went back for my diploma a few years later. I graduated with no friends. A few years after that, I graduated with a Bachelor's degree with no friends. I had a couple acquaintances who I saw in class, but that was it. Now that I am doing my Masters (I am only 2 months into it), I still have no friends I see outside of school. I have two acquaintances, and I go to lunch with one every second week. Other than that, we only ever see each other in class. I am not mild though, so does this bother me? Not really. I know people with mild AS that are extremely bothered by the fact that they can't make friends. I am more content to be by myself.

That is another thing to keep in mind: do YOU want him to have friends come over to the house, or does HE want this? If it is the former, then his lack of friends outside of school won't bother him (and therefore shouldn't bother you). If it is the latter, however, he might feel a bit of stress about this at university. No, socializing did not get that much easier for ME, BUT he might have an easier time finding people with his interests and can make social connections there. My friend was a religious studies major with me, and that is where we found common ground (which was a bit limited since we both focused on different global religions...but still a common passion does not have to be identical in order to have a good connection with somebody). Also, you son already seems a bit more social than I was because he has joined quite a few extra-curricular activities. Universities (especially larger ones) have LOTS of clubs and societies to join. These can range from groups of people in his major to groups of people with very specific interests or hobbies. Either way, he can meet people that definitely have something in common with him IF that is what he wants.

As for the drinking and sex issue, I would again have to say that this has a lot to with how mild he is. Those who are more mild, in my experiences, seem to go to further lengths to fit it and might end up drinking or having sex just to belong. Then there are ASDers like me who don't care much about social interaction and, therefore, won't be subjected to the peer pressures most students deal with. I would also say, though, if your son WANTS to get involved with drinking and sex, it MIGHT happen regardless of where he goes to school. Yes, peer pressure is a factor, but some people WANT to experiment, and it doesn't matter where they go to school.

Ah, this is a very good observation. I am in university now. I have a hard time making friends (actually I have 0 friends in my 4 years of university).

In high school, you would be ridiculed or taken advantage of you for having 0 friends.

At least in university, you can blend and just give a faux impression by appearing confident.

You ask if it gets any easier to socialize in college... my answer is definite and resounding YES!

I never had very many friends in high school. The reason for this, I think, is because people of high school age are, by definition, complete as*holes. Everyone in high school is afraid to be associated with someone who's a little bit different for fear of incurring the same ridicule from the masses. Once you're in college, even a small college such as the one I attend, the beautiful thing is that no one cares about that stuff anymore!

Also, what may have hurt my social life in high school is going to school with the same people who knew me, and consequently, some VERY odd habits I had, when I was little. When I went to college, no one knew how... strange... I used to be, which definitely helps, I think.

Provided that your son has the confidence and desire to be socially involved, he should have no problem in college, based on my experience.

I am a 21 year old with aspergers who is a junior in college. I personally found that the college community is much easier to handle than high school.

For the most part, the students there are people who want to learn rather than people who have to attend school. Most of the teasing that teenagers do in high school is gone from this environment. For me, this was the worst part of high school and my social skills suffered greatly because of my attempts to avoid it. Since starting college, I have found that my ability to interact with other people is slowly but steadily improving.

I’ve also found that, the further I get into college, the more people I meet who share my interests. In high school, although I was willing to talk to other people, most of whom were in different grades than me, I never actually made any friends. That has also changed, as meeting people whom I have a lot in common with has increased my desire to know them.

I believe it was important to get to select the college that I wanted, not only for the social aspect mentioned above but also to focus on learning skills for a career that interests me. While there are dealings going down for things like sex and drugs in the background, this happens everywhere. If a person wants to avoid that type of trouble, they will have no problems doing so. From the description you gave about your son’s life, it sounds like you would have little to worry about.

I wish your son luck in college.

I find my mood matters more than high school or college on whether I socialize.

Aspies inability to form friendships and social connections is an energy sapping, soul destroying pursuit that usually ends in rejection and failure. Aspies usually get along better with other Aspies. Wrongplanet and other online Autistic forum sites provide a safe way for Aspies to communicate with other people and avoid having to engage in face to face social interactions.

I actually prefer face to face to talking on the phone.

It didn't get easier. But it provided more opportunities to improve skills due to the fact that I grew up under a rock, but fewer than out in the real/working world because I often used/use homework as an excuse not to socialize. In the real world, you feel horrible when you have no one to see on weekends, but in college, there's always work to do on weekends. And I am a super procrastinator who only works efficiently on a tight deadline, so if I have 1 hour of homework, I'll drag it out for 3 hours. That eats into social time.

In high school, I was stuck inside a building with 600 other students who I had to be near constantly. If I ever tried to be by myself, people would come to me which actually did lead to a few friendships. In college, I don't have to be near anyone except in class. I am in voluntary solitude in between every class so I think it gets harder socially in college. Also, by "voluntary" solitude, I do not mean that I prefer solitude, only that I find it less stressful and thus I seek solitude over socializing.

I did not have a massive social life in college like thousands of college students did. I did tried to establish friendships with some people and exchange numbers and email addresses, but whenever I contacted them, they'd fail to respond back to me. Secondly, there were a few instances in which I talked to girls, and their boyfriends get jealous and force me to stay away from them.

I actually attended an urban university, but was still living with my parents in the quieter suburbs due to the higher costs of on-campus housing. Since I was far away from everyone on-campus, it was much harder for me to socially connect to everyone.

Finally, I constantly heard talks about people planning to smoke, get drunk, and partying. I don't have the desire to smoke and drink to get drunk, because I don't see that as fun.

I could small talk with people in college, but I had a difficult time fostering a social life during college.