What happens when you become a teenager

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Bec
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24 Jul 2005, 5:12 pm

fatherof3 wrote:
My son who 11 years old has asperger. I am worried about what happens when he becomes a teenager. Will he have friends, Will he be able to driver a car, Will he have a girlfriend?Does ayone have answers to my questions


I'm 18 and was diagnosed when I was 16. My later teen years have been much better than my earlier teen years. When I was ages 11-13 everything was pretty difficult and I went through a period of depression.

Will he have friends? It's hard to say. That depends on him as well as who he wants to be friends with. Generally there are kids who are more accepting of different kinds of people than other kids. The key is teaching him how to be a friend and how to identify people who would be a good friend to him.

Will he be able to drive a car? If he wants to. I don't drive. I have never wanted to learn how, but besides desire ther is nothing that is holding me back. It is my choice. A few weeks ago I went driving for the first time. I liked it and I am planning to continue.

Will he have a girlfriend? You never know. I have never had a boyfriend, but I've never really had any desire to be in a relationship. If he wants to, it is definitely possible for him to have one.



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24 Jul 2005, 5:23 pm

thatrsdude wrote:
Just one thing, at my school bullying didn't get real bad until high school. Be prepared.


I seem to be the anomaly there, in that i was bullied worse at primary scool. Or mabey i was just better able to cope with it at high scool, and so didnt notise it as much. But whatever the reeson i notist it a lot more at primary scool.


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25 Jul 2005, 9:48 am

Middle school was the worst for me. I don't have a lot of happy memories. Things did not get better until junior year of high school. The bullying may have died down, but I was still considered an outcast. I never got invited to many social events. Of course, parties where everyone just drinks and makes out are borring anyway. Just know that many of the mean people you won't see again after you graduate high school. One more thing..... prepare to talk to your kid about s-e-x.



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26 Jul 2005, 9:12 am

On the issue of a girlfriend, he probably will get one (if he is a nice person) at some point.


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thatrsdude
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26 Jul 2005, 11:00 am

Assassin wrote:
thatrsdude wrote:
Just one thing, at my school bullying didn't get real bad until high school. Be prepared.


I seem to be the anomaly there, in that i was bullied worse at primary scool. Or mabey i was just better able to cope with it at high scool, and so didnt notise it as much. But whatever the reeson i notist it a lot more at primary scool.


I had a lot of bullying problems in primary school, but things got better as I got older, and then they went way downhill again at high school.

The third primary school I went to was a small country school where there were only about 70 kids, so by the end of grade 7 most of the kids got used to me. One thing that worried me on the first day of high school was that there was a kid there in my science class who was in my primary school class before he moved schools, which was before people in primary school started to accept me, so he only knew me when every hated me, and when he saw me he told everyone on the first day how much of a weirdo I was.

The downside of small schools is there's not too many groups to fit into, there was only one real group of friends in my year level, and if you don't fit into them, you have no chance of fitting in with someone else. At least in larger schools you have a bit more of a choice, although it does mean that more people realise your problems and more people hate you.


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26 Jul 2005, 11:33 am

I would have to say that 7th through 9th grades were the worst for me. The kids weren't very nice and I didn't really have any teachers who understood. But 10th and 11th grades were a lot better.

Primary school was bad because there were about 7 or 8 kids in my grade. I was also held back a year because I was socially inept. I think I only had one or two friends during that time.

Having AS doesn't mean you can't have friends. I have a few close friends, plus a wide range of acquaintances, mostly people I know from different classes. I pretty much spend most of my time with the same group of friends and we all spend our time in the same place almost every day at school.

Your son could learn to drive. The reason I don't is because I really don't want to. He could also end up having a girlfriend. Again, I don't know much about the whole romantic relationship thing because I've never been involved with one. This was my own choice.


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Malcolm_Scipo
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26 Jul 2005, 4:35 pm

Most people in my year have accepted me. But I still have problems with real as*holes in my year. And the year 7/8 pupils are trying to mess about with me, so they die.


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THOUGHT IT WAS THE END.
THOUGHT IT WAS THE 4TH OF JULY.
I WOKE UP AND THEN I REALISED,
I WAS NOT WHAT I HAD ALWAYS TRIED TO EMULATE.
INSTEAD A SHADOW OF FORMER GLORY.
AND THEN I CRIED.


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26 Jul 2005, 4:53 pm

On my first day of high school, the cool kids tried to pull a horrible prank on me during recess. This kid asks me to yell out "Coon!" when there was both an aboriginal and a teacher around. I didn't even know waht a coon was then (aside from being a company that makes cheese) but I didn't trust them so I asked them to do it first. So they say it quietly. So I say it quietly. So they tell me to say it out loud. So I tell them to say it out loud first. They refused. They're so stupid. :x


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aaronkt
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26 Jul 2005, 10:48 pm

thatrsdude wrote:
On my first day of high school, the cool kids tried to pull a horrible prank on me during recess. This kid asks me to yell out "Coon!" when there was both an aboriginal and a teacher around. I didn't even know waht a coon was then (aside from being a company that makes cheese) but I didn't trust them so I asked them to do it first. So they say it quietly. So I say it quietly. So they tell me to say it out loud. So I tell them to say it out loud first. They refused. They're so stupid. :x


Reminds me of the time in the 7th grade when this one boy tried to get me to say to my teacher "Hi Ms. Smith, you SOB." I was so close to saying it actually. I forgot what distracted me from saying it. Like you, I had no idea what a SOB was.



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27 Jul 2005, 4:38 am

thatrsdude wrote:
On my first day of high school, the cool kids tried to pull a horrible prank on me during recess. This kid asks me to yell out "Coon!" when there was both an aboriginal and a teacher around. I didn't even know waht a coon was then (aside from being a company that makes cheese) but I didn't trust them so I asked them to do it first. So they say it quietly. So I say it quietly. So they tell me to say it out loud. So I tell them to say it out loud first. They refused. They're so stupid. :x

WTF is a coon?


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THOUGHT IT WAS THE END.
THOUGHT IT WAS THE 4TH OF JULY.
I WOKE UP AND THEN I REALISED,
I WAS NOT WHAT I HAD ALWAYS TRIED TO EMULATE.
INSTEAD A SHADOW OF FORMER GLORY.
AND THEN I CRIED.


Namiko
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27 Jul 2005, 9:00 am

Malcolm_Scipo wrote:
thatrsdude wrote:
On my first day of high school, the cool kids tried to pull a horrible prank on me during recess. This kid asks me to yell out "Coon!" when there was both an aboriginal and a teacher around. I didn't even know waht a coon was then (aside from being a company that makes cheese) but I didn't trust them so I asked them to do it first. So they say it quietly. So I say it quietly. So they tell me to say it out loud. So I tell them to say it out loud first. They refused. They're so stupid. :x

WTF is a coon?


I don't know, but it's probably some word from Australia that isn't used in the US of A or in the UK. I have no idea what it means and really don't want to know, however curious I am.


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fatherof3
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27 Jul 2005, 9:10 am

Coon is a derogatory term for a black person.



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27 Jul 2005, 9:40 am

It's also a brand of Cheese

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eboresow
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27 Jul 2005, 9:57 am

I'm a 16-year-old Aspie and thought I'd reply. When people think of teens, they often think of this age. From my point of view...

Will he have friends?

I don't see why not. I have friends. Now, my relationship with them may not be completely typical. But I have friends that accept me for me (some know of my diagnosis, others don't). It really helps to find a group/club of people with a similar interest. (For me: The Band.)

Will he be able to drive a car?

That's an important decision to talk over later. Don't worry about it now. First make sure he transitions to middle and high school okay. Then start thinking and training him. I got my permit at 14, and my parents are trying to "ease me" into it. My mom is really struggling with the fact that I'm not doing well. I dislike driving (heh, I'm not the typical teen). But most teens love it, and your son may. Depending on his understanding of where he is (I'm very directionally challenged) and possible sensory problems, there's no easy answer.

Will he have a girlfriend?

Maybe, maybe not. I don't have those types of feelings towards other kids my age. So I'm friends with girls and guys alike. It doesn't bother me, but I sure wonder what's in my future. A lot of Aspies do have those feelings and just don't know how to deal with them. That's where you can help explain things.

Does anyone have answers to my questions?

Everyone is unique. Each Aspie is different, just like each neurotypical person is different. I don't know your son personally, so I can only give my thoughts and generalizations. Good luck to you and your son. Buckle your seatbelts for the teenager roller-coaster ride. I'm not at WP a lot, but I'll check back. Let me know if you have any more questions.



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27 Jul 2005, 11:18 am

fatherof3 wrote:
Coon is a derogatory term for a black person.


Thanks for clearing that up. :) I have a lot of problems with slang and certain dialects, even with English.


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28 Jul 2005, 12:56 am

Namiko wrote:
I don't know, but it's probably some word from Australia that isn't used in the US of A or in the UK.


They used it in Forrest Gump.

Forrest: What'severyone worried about?
Student: Coons are trying to get into our school.
Forrest: Whenever racoons got onto our front porch, Mom used to chase them off with a broom.
Student: Not racoons, idiot, n****rs.

Coon is considered to be a slightly less offensive version of the word n****r, just like poofter (or poof for short) is a slightly less offensive version of the word fa***t. Don't ask me why though, they're all words, they all seem to mean the same thing to me.


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