Those in college -- did socializing get any easier?

Post Reply New Topic

Explains what you meant by "you considered BYU weird". Speakign of that, what was weird about BYU in your opinion, or Utah Mormons as a group?



This might just by my perspective, but what sort of culture shock would you expect? People smoking weed in public? "hookup culture?" I dunno. Then again historically I was 'meh' and not really shocked by those things and whatelse. I remember when younger some family members I was with for a dinner in the city center tried shielding their young daughter (like 4-5; a cousin of mine) from seeing these young women walking by in.......I guess Punk dress? Mohawks and Piercings and all. I found it.......weird in a bad way to try to censor that. As in they literally tried covering her eyes



You said you had no problems as you did not expect him to engage in those activities because you "raised him well" or something specifically. Which precludes any 'need' on your part to well....regulate that experience.



I have not been to party schools but in general as others said there are certain 'scenes'.

Speaking of that, beware institutions which are limited to fraternities & sororities for college life. i.e. the ones where if you dont join a frat there is NOTHING to do there/nearly nothing regarding social life.

BYU is a very closed society. There's very little diversity, mostly just a campus of 30,000 Mormon kids. The rules are strict -- skirts need to be to the knees, no short shorts, boys wear their hair short (no hair past their collar), no drinking, no drugs, no sex. Kids still manage to have fun, but the emphasis is on young men going on a two-year mission (much pressure for them to do this), and after the mission, much pressure for young men to marry. Girls are expected to marry before they finish their bachelor's degree. Not exactly what you would find on other college campuses.

Utah Mormons have a culture all their own. A very strong need to follow whatever the president of the church says, no matter what, is prevalent in Utah (actually, also in most church members outside of Utah). There are members outside of Utah who revere the president of our church, but we can make decisions that don't agree with the president (such as California's Prop Eight). Adherence to church principles is culturally required in Utah, and yet there are odd things singular to Utah culture that tend to not "fit" with mormonism in general -- A need for perfectionism and for the women to be skinny and beautiful (while not needing to be educated), a real strong market for plastic surgery, a tendency toward the men making lots of money but little interest in science, etc., and a "keeping up with the Joneses" by having large families. It's a weird culture, to be sure.



Yes, culture shock with my son not knowing how to handle people smoking weed and hooking up. Eventually, he would adapt, for sure -- but it would be rough, as he is naive. Adapting to being on one's own, taking care of school, laundry, socializing, and then adapting to a drug culture would be difficult, for sure. I'm sure he can do it, but it would be nice to have less rather than LOTS of weed.



I don't know about us "raising him well"... we've raised him in the church, which makes him different from typical society. He has self-selected to be kind of a straight arrow. This could change -- maybe going to college, he will make different choices, and we are more OK with that than we would have been, say, five years ago. We, as his parents, are also shifting in terms of the church, so we are not as rigid as we have been in the past.



This is good advice. We do have radar up against colleges where the fraternity life is big. It's hard to find a place where there's something to do when there's a vacuum of no fraternity life. But we'll keep plugging away. We've had two older kids who have gone to BYU, enjoyed it to a degree, but also hated it for it's lack of diversity. They are both going on to grad school elsewhere, and loving it.

University was much better than high school, i really enjoyed university, i hated high school.

Because the rewards of trying to be more outgoing during high school finally paid-off in university.

hahaha. Arent those who dont recruit well.....disadvantaged in being married in Mormon culture? OR something weird like that? Someone mentioned that to me.



Well I doubt people force you to uh do that. I guess it might be 'weird' to people etc.



Well, there's a difference between 'the frat is big' and 'there is nothing for you to do without being in 'greek life''

I'm not absolutely sure I know what you mean, but this is what I "think" you mean -- if guys don't go on a mission, are they at a disadvantage for finding a Mormon girl that will marry them? ABSOLUTELY. Anybody who tells you any different is lying through their teeth. It's a despicable, backward practice that should be completely abolished, but still exists. As you may be able to tell, I resent this "not marrying a guy unless he's been on a mission" ALOT. I could talk all day about this stupid tradition, but I'll leave it at that...

I'm currently in college and find it relatively easier to socialize, but I also went to an all-girls Catholic high school and felt really left out as a tomboy there. Now in college I make a very huge effort to put myself out there but it really takes a big effort for me to have a somewhat small (yet adequate for me) social life.

correct. Some woman who converted out of mormonism mentioned the community is all 'it's not anything approaching mandatory officially' but in practive that it IS like that, that less women would be willing to marry you, etc. Yes, basically that.

Please explan thagt.

correct. Some woman who converted out of mormonism mentioned the community is all 'it's not anything approaching mandatory officially' but in practive that it IS like that, that less women would be willing to marry you, etc. Yes, basically that.

Please explain it more.

A young man going on a mission (the age used to be 19 years of age -- the age has recently been shifted to 18 years old) is a sign of commitment. Only THE MOST COMMITTED guys go on missions, because, after all, you're giving up two full years of the prime of your life to, in theory, give the "gospel" selflessly to others who are searching for meaning in their lives. It is pretty admirable, in that the young man, or his parents, pay for this two-year stint. They give up two years of college, they leave a possible girlfriend at home (who usually ends up marrying somebody else), they leave all of their friends and family and their Xbox (the things they love most) in order to selflessly help others. [women can also go on missions, but they are discouraged from going if they have any immediate marriage possibility. Women used to go at age 21, but now they can go at age 19]

From a girl's point of view, a guy who has been on a mission is more mature, more ready for an entire life within the church, and a more solid potential marriage companion and a better father. Also, her parents will generally prefer a young man who has been on a mission, as these guys are viewed as more "orthodox."

On the pro-side ... A mission can be a great thing for an individual who decides to go on one. Many missionaries serve within the U.S., and even in this situation, it forces them to learn how to SELL. This is basically what a mission is -- you are SELLING your religion to somebody else. That sounds like a negative, but if the person really is looking for a community, a positive religion change, or just a leg up in life, the Mormon church isn't a bad way to go. Learning how to SELL something to complete strangers can come in real handy for some guys. A quiet, introspective guy will learn over the course of two years to become outgoing and to not care how uncomfortable it feels to sell something. They will learn to disregard doors being slammed in their face all the time. They may even have legitimate feelings, positive feelings about bringing something valuable to people who need it. Guys come back from a mission MUCH more mature, MUCH more ready to accomplish their goals in college, and MUCH more likely to get married. Some guys learn a foreign language (and learn it really, really well) and it helps them in business. I know -- we sent our oldest son on a mission, and it did great things for him.

On the con-side ... a mission is all about SALES. I wish it was honestly about bringing good to someone's life, but it's about SALES. For example, fewer and fewer people are joining the Mormon church because now they can look up info on Google and see how crazy the religion seems to be. It has to be disheartening for kids to give up two years of their lives trying to sell something to people who don't want it. Kids go on missions for two full years, and come home with not one baptism. It's depressing. They also come home with anti-Mormon information that they've received from potential investigators, and the missionary's testimony becomes cracked.

Anyways, the girls really become obsessed with finding a return missionary to marry. It's my opinion that this is a shallow, stupid way to find a mate. But it's the Mormon way, and it's been done this way forever. I don't know why this way of thinking never permeated my brain -- I married a guy who didn't go on a mission, I had a father who didn't go on a mission -- and they are the most ethical, intelligent, wonderful men I've ever known. My youngest will not go on a mission, and that's fine by me. While I still admire the young men who do go on a mission AND TRULY SERVE PEOPLE [missionaries often do good works, service for the community, etc.], I also have known too many missionaries who were just biding their time in an effort to "look good" for the rest of their lives as far as the church is concerned. It's an archaic ritual in the Mormon church that needs to be revamped in order to keep up with the times and actually serve a purpose.

And you probably got way more info than you asked for -- for this, I apologize!

Ahh....being willing to be annoying persistent when someone says 'no'. "well, try this. it's cheaper". Yeah......the awkwardness there.



ahahahahahhaha. I did that. Asked some missionaries about the 'magic underwear', the Golen Tablets, the mark of cain ('why should i convert to your belief system if you think I am a sinner? Am I descended from demons due to being black? etc etc"), if they were Utah Mormons/their opinion on the Utah War, etc etc.

Not meant to offend you personally, but oh man its fun. Oh yeah: I asked them their opinion on Jehovah's Witnesses & how they know they have the right future.



Question: How many Mormons go party all day every day when they are Missionaries? It looks like something some Mormons would do.



nope - keep on posting. I find Utah Mormon culture to be interesting - and find it sad that the central government discriminated against them (border drawings of Utah, anti-bigamy laws, Utah War, etc). They seem distinct enough to be a separate ethnic group & should have their own autonomy....but that's a bit digressing.

Yeah, Utah Mormon culture is interesting ... but when you're a part of it, and you don't agree with most of it, it's annoying and depressing. I lived there (while at BYU) and again for a few years when my children were young -- and hated it both times. I had good reason to hate it. It's a messed up culture, with some people holding to the value system, and a good chunk of others PRETENDING to hold to the value system, and doing the exact opposite. (kinda like your question about do missionaries party a lot? Well, some of them do and they know they're not supposed to.) My husband compares this to the fact that the Vatican city is in/near Rome, and Rome is has often been one of the most outlandishly "sinful" (for lack of a better word) places in the world. Salt Lake City is the same...

Must have been fun when you questioned missionaries about discrepancies within the "gospel." You probably could run circles around them, using their dogma against them. Fun. That's the thing -- if your "gospel" can't withstand questions and deep thinking, then it's probably not very useful, is it? Don't worry about offending me personally -- I'm at a stage in my faith where I've seen too much, experienced too much, and know that there are deep holes to be made fun of.

So, yeah, pretty funny how we got off on this tangent when originally I was asking if people had an easier time socially in college than in high school! I actually think that missions can be helpful in learning how to socialize for aspies, but they could be difficult in the beginning for anybody with social anxiety.

i would worry if he goes to a state college that is on the top party list like where i go which is Iowa. If he goes to a reputable and respected college like University of Washington or Ivy league, GOD IF ONLY I HAD!! !" i wouldn't be worried, i should think a small respectable college is the best bet. anyway, you might want to figure out what he does that might create awkward situations which will in effect might isolate him. Essentially, categorically identify his social skills and defeciences and correct them while you still can. I learned alot about socializing while in college but I am graduating this year and I only now have come to a point where I can socialize effectively, it took me 4 years in college to get to where most 12 graders are socializing wise and it has led me to have serious bouts of melancholy on and off.