What is it with the eye contact thing?

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I can't handle any eye contact with NTs, even ones I'm close to like my husband and family. It triggers a hard-wired feeling of panic/anxiety/threat that I can't seem to get past. One thing I've noticed about myself though is that I can almost always make eye contact with other aspies/auties/adhd... anyone within the broader ASD spectrum. (Even if I don't know the person so I don't know if they're on the spectrum.) With those people eye contact happens very naturally (as long as they can handle being on the other end of it), the way it's *supposed* to be with everyone. I've mentioned this before on another aspie forum and I seem to be the only one there who experiences this. No one has mentioned it so far in this thread either. I always thought it would be a little more common.

Maybe its a bad habit that needs to broken by constant practice? Nah..someone would have already thought of that by now. If I do make eye contact, I CAN'T STOP GLARING!! !! !! !! !! ! THis has led to getting yelled at by professors and other as*hole students.

Not too look like a complete f*****g psycho, is there a quasi-way to make eye contact, such as looking at someon's eyebrows or their nose. I feel f*****g stupid talking to someone in my terse manner while looking sideways away from them.

Even when iam watching movies i look at their mouths. I dont know i just feel like there is more energy in someones mouth moving instead of some glazed over black hole where they are looking back at me. I just dont like the feeling.

I always thought it wasn't the right approach to look at people in the eye. Most people (even NT) get uncomfortable when confronted directly in the eye; my NT sisters feel that way too. You may not need to give direct eye contact, but you can look to the general direction of the person's face you are talking to, showing courtesy and that you are listening.

When maintaing a conversation, I generally look around the person's face: mouth, nose, eyebrows etc. Sometimes I may gaze into their eyes for a couple seconds but I quickly break it off and focus on something else like between their eyes.

Is that "normal" or am I totally off the mark?

No no, that's pretty close to NT! I have no real troubles, except for one individual. I cannot meet her eyes.

What about looking at your own eyes in the mirror? My son doesn't even like to look at himself in the mirror.

aspiedad2

I have pretty much a hard time. Although it goes in spurts from being totally crappy (floor) to OK (looking around) to ? (where I can actually look up and past them... but sometimes I can actually do it like no problem to some people... (see below)

I don't look people in the eye and I don't know why, I am 10 so I have a few years to practice my mum is always saying "look people in the eye" and when she says that I become nervous so it doesn't really help. I wish my mum would stop! I want to be able to look people in the eye but i can't. The best thing to do is don't talk to people, then they can't accuse you of not looking at them in the eye when you talk. ha ha
Superdan

Something a little different, but I do feel it's sorta conected. Paticulary when I'm upset, and I look at myself in the mirror, my face seems to distort. Does anyone else find something similar?

this is a pretty cool subject, my eyes change colour and i get complimented on them but it only makes it worse, help meeeeeeeee, the guy from scotland has a good point though not to speak for him but if you do try to look people in the eye and your in the mood it is intense and you can almost hypnotize the others.

still though i almost never do not anyone unless they are dying or dead already.

What I tend to do with this person, when we're talking, I keep my distance, and look at her as the person, not just the face and the eyes, but her whole, how to put this, figure, in perspective, looking at no part in paticular, but if you guys have trouble with this, look at the head. But when she comes close, I give her about 5 miliseconds of eye-contact, (this seems to satisfy, whenever we spoke, I'd get the "S***h, look at me. Come on, look at me." (:roll:) line. She's Special Ed, and still hasn't read Curious Incident. ) and then look at the ground. But try the '3rd eye' spot, between the eyebrows and above the nose. It's close enough, but it's a patch of skin (unless we have a monobrow.) and it's easy to find. I still force myself to give eyecontact to her, it's a challenge to do, but I feel better if I do it. It makes her happier anyway. The trouble with teachers-they're too clever at times.

Never did as a child into my teen years.
Dad always yelled at me while receiving one his lectures because I didn't look him in the eye.

I still rarely do, especially when I'm speaking...I'll loose my allready de-railed train of thought.

Work is a different story though.
If I'm in contraol of the situation, I have a penatrating stare that actually intimidates some.
While taking orders from the superiors, My eyes just sorta drift around the room occasionally looking into thiers.

This explains why I feel the way I do when I catch someone's gaze or more likely, they seek mine. I feel cornered. I feel like a deer surrounded by wolves. Even though logically I know it isn't a threat, something in my neurologly percieves it as such. I tend to focus on the nose.

Grrrrrrrrrrrrrrr

I can't find the article I want...basically it said that when someone on the ADS looks into someone's eye, the part of the brain that responses to threats or handles fears becomes active.

But since I can't find the article and I don't remember the source, that's less than helpful.



BeeBee

When I was interviewing for my job I looked around the room. Well, I don't have to make eye-contact for it because it's telemarketing. But I know I'm not good at it because of another reason, my voice. I don't have a selling voice. I talk at a fast rate when I'm reading, which it what I do, read a script. And its fairly close to monotone. I don't work well trying to sell things to people. I'm very afraid of losing my job even though I despise it because I just can't sell.

I had simular experience. And with me this lady was outright yelling at me. For one thing it didn't work. So all that yelling only hurt my ears.