It's painfully lonely, seeing my classmates...

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It's really a contradictory feeling I have- I don't actually want to join them in their groups but I want the feeling of being at least generally accepted by the class. I've given up on friendship because even if I ever suceed in getting their interest, what on earth do I say? I can't talk like them and I can't keep up a good conversation for very long. I'm like, the queen of waning conversations sometimes.
Whenever there's no teacher around, it's natural for people to settle in groups and do the seatwork while chatting. I know I can't really do that with them but, well, it kind of sucks to be the only one sitting alone on her chair while everyone else is sitting on the floor in groups. And it's not just about pride, it's that from my seat I can see everyone's heads cos they're on the floor and I feel this strong sense of lonliness, not for their company but because the situation is so painfully familiar. I think at one point I just crossed my arms and cried without doing the seatwork.

I don't really know how to explain this feeling. Does this make any sense?

I know that feeling. I was always on the sidelines waiting to be invited into the inner circle. Slowly it occurred to me that the other people were perceiving my distance as a rejection of them. I asked my mostly NT mom about this and she said that was true. I think any group has the quiet one who is still accepted. I tell my son when people say Hi to him he needs to say Hi back so they can hear it. He has a tendency to look away and mutter Hi under his breath. They think he is dissing them and become aggressive.

That situation sounds all too familiar - story of my life while growing up......

I know the feeling.

For me it isn't always just depressing, though, it is also interesting from a scientific point of view. Watching people socialise, I mean.

Well, it was more interesting at my old school, those people were a lot more worth watching than the ones at my new school. My old school was like a fairly well-written sitcom, but my new school is more like watching monkeys in a zoo: can be mildly entertaining for about ten minutes before you get bored and want to go home.

I have been in similar situations--hell, I was just in one seven hours ago!

I can usually say "hi" and fake it for a few minutes, but I can't maintain relationships well, so I can only offer advice on getting the conversation started.

I don't know what type/level of schooling you're in, but when I was in high school, I learned to say things like, "do you mind if I work with you guys?" After that, I tried to stay quiet--I alienate people when I talk too much and give all the answers. Predictably, I didn't most of the time, but ymmv. One tactic I used was to pick one or two problems out of the sheet and only talk about those two questions. I would also pick one class per day to work in, and eventually you can sort out people who are better partners/group members than other people.

In college, there isn't so much group work, but we do have lab partners, which is terrible. I can understand why, economically, it makes more sense to have supplies for 12 groups, rather than 24 students, but that doesn't stop it from being stressful.

I guess it all boils down to courage and self-esteem for me. Those two are pretty much what I need the most, the latter for social interaction and the former so that I can let someone know that I need an AS assessment : ( : )

I have issues with that too and always had.I go to Red Deer College and can't seem to have the courage to go and try to mingle.I have tried a few times, but Im pretty sure they think Im wierd or something.I can't keep a conversation going and constantly change subjects and/or start talking about my special interests which are law and politics....and my body language just doesnt sync with the nts.I barely make eye contact.
I tried being friends with a person who i met online and who happens to live in Red Deer.Since I knew him for a while online from posting on that website, I kinda was a little bit clingy since I had nobody else to hang out with...and I worked with him for a while at a Red Deer A and W in gasoline alley until they laid me off (most likely cuz I couldnt handle things there even though I tried).Shortly after, one of his little friends there sends me a nasty email saying he never liked me and that I was a creep and such.I tried PMing him on the site we post at but he never did respond.

Since then, I simply avoided mingling and kept to myself since I didnt want anyone else to label me as a "creep".I now spend most of my time at home reading, or posting online or working.I avoid trying to be with people for too long or talking to them.

I understand the feeling, what you can do is try to do is just talk to people if you get the chance, start small, and then tell them your name. That establishes a connection you can build on. I've learned this as my social skills have improved over the years. Mostly through trial and error. I also find I have nothing interesting to talk about, so alot of the time I ask about them. Or, i just start some insignifigant topic like "Whats up with..." or something.

I understand it too well. Though... I never thought about the distance I make makes them distance them from me. I guess it's true, but I'm really scared of others. I'm in marching band, and I'll hang out with people only I like. Normal people just scare me. However, I can't say I dislike them, I love the mannerisms of people, and they make me smile, I'm just scared they think of me as annoying. They probably do think I am.

I really have no clue how to just go up to people to say hi, I can barely ask people to help me. Pfft, I'll get it someday. Just have to choose when to start. -kill'd-

I had this problem in high school too. I always looked at my feet never made eye contact and didnt join in unless someone grabbed me by the arm and took me somewhere. In college I had the same problems but I was determined to somewhat overcome them. Its still very hard but I make an effort every time I can. I know people still see me as odd and I still have trouble communicating but I guess ppl are a little more accepting in college than in high school.

The only advice I can give to you is if there is someone who has been nice to you in even a little way thats in a class that breaks off in groups is to join that persons group one day. If they have been somewhat nice to you in the past then more than likely they arent going to tell you that you cant sit with them. And since its a bigger group all the attention wont be focused on you like in a one on one conversation.

of course it takes baby steps. I would always tell myself that I would try. And my heart would start racing, I would start sweating and I would freeze up and not go through with it. But I kept pushing myself. And some people will still be jerks to you but I have also learned that once I make an effort some people were interested in becoming my friend despite my obvious flaws.

And people LOVE to talk about themselves. If you can find something(anything) to ask them about(clothes they have on, movies etc.) they usually wont stop talking about themselves and you just have to pretend to be interested(which is difficult for me) b/c I feel really awkward when I have to fake a smile.

I understand that Normal People have said through the ages that "I am rejected because people think I am rejecting them" - but somehow, I find that a bit farfetched.

And this is even after trying to put myself into the brain of some arbitrary person who sees me/saw me in classes and around campus. And I think - this moreso in high school - that they have only heard me use big words to answer questions when the teacher called on me in class. And of course, as everyone knows, those so-called "big words" are social suicide - there is, to an extent, a "Joe the Plumber" effect in schools, where you are more likely to be accepted if you seem like you are able to relate to common, everyday problems.

Of course, the logical counterargument is "Isn't the set of people who use big words and people who have social lives nonempty" - and it is nonempty. I'm pretty certain that most neurotypical-type "smart people" in high school made it because they were able to relate to the little things that make us all human.

So, I have effectively made the case for people thinking I am rejecting them, yet I still do not believe it. I see it more as an excuse for people not to have to talk to me and therefore stay in their established friend circles.

I have felt that way my whole life. The thing is, that my feelings always contradicted each other. In one way, I wanted to be accepted, but in another, I wanted to get outta there, go home, and crawl into bed and listen to some heavy metal until I go to sleep...

I am trying to overcome this, but it's still there... From middle school to today in community college, I still see people socializing, intellectuals talking about cool things like video games and movies, people befriending and socializing, boys and girls hitting it off, friends bragging about partying/going on trips, etc. still makes me feel really down...

...I sort of feel the OP's pain...

I am tired of being stuck in social places, really. I wish I could have taken all of my college classes online so that I didn't have to suffer so much... But financial aid will only cover me if I get 12 hours on campus...

-My Demon: And guess what, Celtic Frost, it's going to start all over again on el lunes... Bwahahaha!! ! -



I guess it's either suck it up or let it all kill me...

I'm scared of other people making fun of me and my nonexistent knowledge of football (guess what! it's boring and annoying season!) (no offense to sports lovers...)

I just talk to those at my table when I have to and only then do I really talk and it's all about the said subject... Sometimes I wish i could understand them better, but i like my own world.