Think I'm obsessed with a friend?

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Ever since I had a problem months ago with a threesome offer & a bit of a sporadic creeper issue I've become strangle obsessed (or at least preoccupied) with another friend. He helped me out by giving me advice on how to deal with this stuff & is always surprisingly gentle & friendly towards me (w/o being overbearing). As a result I've gotten into the habit of contacting him almost daily via the internet (on top of seeing eachother almost daily on campus). He has a lot of personal issues himself that I don't want to add too and I don't want to be overbearing... not sure if he'll ever tell me if I'm bugging him (I've asked he says I'm fine but he might just be saying that I guess ). I also ended up remembering someone mentioning limerence objects on this site & am wondering if somehow I've developed an issue their as well? I just feel really weird...

I was obsessed with a friend, when I was in college. The thing is that he was in the exact same programme as I was, and it got on both of our nerves, after a while. Bryan and I had a lot of fun together, though.

Try to create some distance just to be safe. There's not a worse feeling than desiring love or freindship that you can never have.

If you're not good with magically knowing where personal boundaries should lie without someone telling you directly (BTDT), then the best thing I've found is too assume, knowing one's obsessive nature, that you're coming on too strong. Especially since you now are wondering the same thing. If you're wondering it and you're the obsessor, it's probably a good chance the obsessee is feeling something similar.

So create some general rules for yourself. I've found these to be very helpful. E.g., contact him via the net every OTHER day, something like that. Help yourself gain some self-control. And make sure your rules are concrete and easily achieved with some self-control.

And don't expect him to rail you in when you've stepped overbounds a little. Most people won't tell you you've gone too far until you've bugged the s**t out of them and they finally want little to do with you.

If you pull back enough, give him the space he needs, you might find he warms up to you more and you could have a good friendship.

One of the hardest things to learn when you're really into somebody is that you HAVE to let them come to you too. Don't do all the work. A few steps forward, a few steps back. It's a dance.

It's hard to learn when one has a generally obsessive personality. But from someone who's chased a number of people away from having come on way too strong, and has also not chased people away from learning how to hold back and do the dance, I highly recommend the latter.

It's okay to delve into topics of interest as much as you want. A topic can't feel suffocated. But people are different.

Good luck.