Here we go again!

Post Reply New Topic

I am just wondering if getting a degree is really with it when it has caused me so much trouble.

When I first started university at 18 I had to leave after 4 weeks because the stress from changing from school to university and having to do oral presentations was all too much for me to cope with.

After receiving treatment for depression and anxiety for 2 years I went back to university. I successfully completed my first year without much trouble, however, during my second year I was finally diagnosed with Asperger's, and I experienced severe anxiety during my exams, which resulted in me taking an overdose. I was allowed to repeat the exams in the summer but I experienced severe anxiety again. I then had to repeat the first semester of second year, however, once the exams came up I had severe anxiety once more, tried to slit my wrists, overdosed on Valium and ran away. I was allowed to resit the exams once more the following summer, where I somehow managed to complete them without much trouble.

Having made it to my final year, I once again experienced severe anxiety and depression during the exam period. At this point I felt I could no longer cope with the pressure of university, so I dropped out.

I enrolled with the Open University, which is a distance learning institution, because I thought the format would be more suitable for someone with my needs. Unfortunately, I have begun to experience increasing levels of anxiety again...

To help treat the anxiety I have tried CBT, medication, breathing exercises, aerobic exercise (swimming - which helped for a while), revision planning, etc, and while some of these things helped temporarily (like for a few minutes), pretty soon the anxiety came back. Also, when I say anxiety I don't just mean normal exam nerves, I just become completely overwhelmed - my anxiety levels rise from zero to maximum almost instantly and I am completely unable to function. I start crying uncontrollably, and can't stop unless I come away from my books. I just feel completely diabled by it. The problem is people keep trying to "help" by telling me how intelligent I am and that I should just keep trying, etc but they aren't the ones going through this nightmare. Every time I have tried to fight it and keep going, my anxiety levels just become more and more unbearable and I end up trying to kill myself because death seems preferable to how I feel at that point.

So I have reached the point where I feel like I have no fight left in me, I have tried and tried and tried and keep getting knocked back. All I hear is how you need a degree to be successful at life, but at the moment I don't care about being "successful", I really just want to be happy and all I know is i am definitely not happy with current situation.

Maybe a degree isn't for me? Have any of you experienced being unable to cope with university, etc?

130 people have viewed thi thread and no reply? Are my forum posts really that bad than no one wants to respond

If you are really close to graduating then you might as well finish.

I don't know how to help you with you anxiety.

just of interest - what profession do you want?

I would say that it depends on whether finishing the degree is going to endanger your life. You mentioned slitting your wrists and overdosing on drugs.

If you think that's going to happen agaon maybe you shouldn't continue with the course.

Also consider whether finishing will really benefit your life.

Well when I started my degree in Biomedical Science the plan was to get my degree then do a medical degree and become a doctor. When I was diagnosed with Asperger's I began to have doubts about whether I could become a doctor, as they need good communication skills, etc. Then when I started having these panic attacks I decided that medicine would be a really bad idea.

So I decided I should become a biomedical scientist, which would require me to finish degree, then do a further 2 years to become a member of the institue of biomedical science. But, tbh, this was never a dream job, just an alternative because I knew
Medicine would be a bad idea, and I can't just do something for the sake if it, I need a reason.

After I left the traditional university, I had a few months where I didn't do much, I just worked part time in a supermarket and done some voluntary work. I came to the conclusion that I am quite happy as long as I have my special interests - video games, tv shows and books. So, as long as I have enough money to live and to fund my special interests I should, in theory, be happy?

I admit that I do also want the status associated with having a degree, but perhaps it's not worth it if it makes me want to kill myself.

there is a balance between "good life" with degree and sacrifices that one needs to make for it. from what i saw, more money (unless lottery) more time and effort it requires. find the middle ground by getting some techical 2 year degree or something, MD and bio-scientist are hard and very demanding and definetly too much pain if you don't like.

PS: it would be ok to try to get something out of the school that you have and work as a technician in a lab.