Problem & Crazy Idea

Post Reply New Topic

I had some issues this past semester with some guys while at college & am wondering if this idea I have may help remedy the situation if I can pull it off. I'm also wondering if I should stop being honest with friends about being asexual let alone autistic b/c it turns out my honesty was a bad thing (threesome request & a stalker)? I have a friend who has mentioned knowing at least one asexual guy & started wondering if a "fake relationship" with such a guy would be a good or a bad idea? If we were compatible as friends I'd see it as a convenient way (if it was mutually agreed upon) to keep people from approaching us sexually (or at least give us both an excuse that most people will accept). I would prefer this to what I see as my other options:
1. Be honest & hope for the best (HOPE being the key word; I'd like a backup option)
2. Make up a person that I'm "dating"
3. Risk my friends feeling the need to resort to beating someone up (hopefully it will never come to that, but I seem to be a magnet for trouble/creepy thick headed guys)
4. Get a knife (if I can figure out what kind is legal in my state) and threaten to use it if a guy does something I don't like... (campus safety whistles are BS & instead can be a hazard if you wear it around your neck on a lanyard)
5. Come up with some other lie, gross fact about myself or insult to deter people

p.s. If I have any problems like I have I'm not hesitating to get help or try to beat the **** out of someone if need be... I'd just like a more practical solution (and yes, if you read my previous posts, you'll see I'm obsessing cause I like having a plan & don't want to be dealing w/ this stuff w/o any clue as to what to do like I did b4). If I'd find such an asexual person & our personalities "clicked" well enough & we had mutual feelings for each other I would be fine with trying an actual relationship with them b/c I wouldn't have to worry about how to provide for "needs" I or they cannot fulfill.

Just my opinion, but I don't think having a 'fake' relationship is a good idea. Some guys think if you're dating a guy that isn't around (isn't on campus or isn't in close proximity) then there's no reason you shouldn't cheat. Some think you're fair game unless you're married....try wearing something that could pass as an engagement ring on your ring finger. I'd carry pepper spray over a knife. If you think it's serious enough to get a knife, I might look into some self defense classes. I also wouldn't go anywhere without someone with me, at least at night. Have you asked your friends if you're sending signals that you're available and you might just not be aware? It's strange that people would be coming onto you so strongly and so pushy that you feel that unsafe...it's normal to get asked out, it's not normal to be pushed so strongly that you feel unsafe out on campus.

If you do decide to go with just being honest, be very clear, give short answers and don't feel like you have to give an explanation. You don't have to try and come off mean, but don't worry about hurting anyone's feelings. If you sound the slightest bit wishy-washy they often keep pressuring you (in my experience). I've rarely had guys be pushy with me, but I just kept saying "no" repeatedly like I was talking to a child...lol. The farthest I had to go was slap someone so he would back off. Hopefully you won't have to do that.

I like the idea of the asexual boyfriend. He is a boy, and a friend, and your intimate needs are at the same level. You would not have to fake anything because the two of you sound like a good match for each other.
Self defense classes are always a good idea.

I'd do the fake boyfriend trick if you could. Try to assess him well enough to make sure it will work and be fine, so that way you have a good excuse.

A knife may be a better defense, but pepper spray is likely better for threats, and the reason I say this is because threatening with a knife can be construed as threatening aggression. Pepper spray though, is usually considered a defensive weapon. You probably won't get in trouble if you threaten to use a defensive weapon, as much as you might as if you threatened with a knife(an offensive weapon).

Frankly, if you really want to keep men away, you can say that you are a hermaphrodite or were born with male genitals and became a woman through treatments, or something else like that. Sex issues like that are often creepy to people. It could also creep some normal people out but I doubt you would care so much. I wouldn't take your first choice though, as honesty isn't the best policy with people who are not your allies.

EDIT: If it is plausible, you could also go for "sex change" as a possible lie to tell about yourself. I am not sure it will help with people who are actually crazy, but I wouldn't be surprised if people think you are not *really* asexual and just need "the right guy" to make you ok.

Pepper spray is definitely better than a knife. Less legal problems (you are unlikely to kill anyone with pepper spray, and there is no suspicion whatsoever in a young woman carrying pepper spray). I would suggest going for one of your other strategies (fake boyfriend, honesty, or just plain saying you're not interested) but definitely get the pepper spray as a back-up. Your location reads Eastern PA... if you are around Philadelphia (or for that matter, any urban or college environment) you really should keep something to defend yourself against possible assailants.