Should my 14yold son be attending high school?

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My 14yold son has finally been diagnosed with Aspergers. He also has full blown OCD (an anxiety disorder). He is very bright but is barely passing school. He has hated school since the very first day. School creates HUGE anxiety for him. We home schooled last year and he was so much better but his psych wanted him back at school for socialisation. He had to increase his medication by 4times in order to get him there. He is barely passing year 9 and we don't know how he will get through end of year exams. His psych says it doesn't matter if he fails but I am just not sure I agree. He has no ambition for the future but without passing grades how can we ever expect him to get a job? He is quiet and very well behaved, has been tested bright but is struggling. (We managed to get some exemptions from the school for English and Maths to get passing grades.) He has been in school for 9 years (out of 10) without making any real friends. During home schooling he made 3 friends, 2 of whom we still see.

I would love to hear from other Aspergers to see what they think.

Thank you.

I don't know why they think people with AS have rigid thinking compared to NT's, because it seems a lot of NT psychs keep clinging to the false notion that someone with AS is just going to up and figure out how to socialize on their own if placed in an environment with a lot of people.

Highschoolers are loud, exclusive, generally horrible to people who are different, and very cliquish.

In other words, highschool is generally a very hostile environment to someone with AS.

Why would you force him to be in an environment where he cannot thrive? To be perfectly honest with you, I did not thrive and reach my full potential until I turned 17 and the school board no longer had a legal obligation to harass me.

If he does well with homeschool, and is happier, let him do home school. Or at least work with the school board so perhaps he attends one or two classes at school and the rest is homeschool.

There are more positive environments to socialize in.

I wish that I would have been homeschooled. I hated high school.

I do agree that socialization is important, but the problem is that all too often, high school is a piss poor example of society. If people behaved in an office like they do in a typical classroom they'd be perpetually unemployed. Teenagers behave like animals and are not called on it till someone throws a punch. If your son needs quadruple the normal meds just to get through the day, then he shouldn't be there. There are other ways to develop socialization: church, volunteer work, part time jobs, sports, social groups, etc... If life were like high school, I'd never had made it this far. But it isn't. Let him learn what's right with socializing, before he learns what's wrong.

Is it possible for him to be in school part-time? I don't know the details of how that works, but I've heard of other people doing that. Or what about a school specifically for people with Asperger's and similar issues? (Although I realize that that is probably expensive.) Or, if the psych REALLY wants him to socialize, I have heard of social groups for homeschooled kids.

I really don't agree with this psych - it sounds like she is pushing things too fast. Socializing is good, but it isn't the be-all end-all. And a high school, with its crowds and noises (especially the dreaded cafeteria), is a hard place to even function when you have sensory and anxiety issues, let alone do something out of your comfort zone like socialize.

Thanks very much for all of your replies. I still don't know what to do but I appreciate the feedback.

I think it would be best if your son did not go to school. Trust me, he is NOT going to learn anything about socializing there. He'll do the complete opposite of making friends. I think the best thing to do here is keep going with the homeschooling if it works for him, and find another place for him to socialise. The psych makes a valid point that sooner or later, your son is just going to have to talk to people, but school is not the place for it. Try and find a group or a club of people, perhaps something concerning his interests, that way he will be around like-minded people, and a much better environment to talk to people. All the friends I have are people I met in my school band or in the library. School id going to do the complete opposite of teaching your son how to socialise.

Wow the same old story. I remember when I was making the transition back to school after quite a long absence and at a meeting one woman kept talking about how I'll socialize if I don't mingle at break. Um I think it's a little more important that I'm in school studying.

Sounds like your son isn't coping very well. As people before have said you can join social groups etc if you're homeschooled. Plus if he's less stressed studying at home then he's more likely to pass exams and get some qualifications.