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Hi, I am an Education Assistant and work with a teenage who has been diagnosed with high functioning autism and aspergers. This is a new role for me and I would like some advice. "B" is fairly bright and capable and has good social skills and enjoys mixing with peers. Her main problem is following instructions in class and compliance. The school psychologist has instructed me to plan "B"'s lessons in simple to follow step by step instructions with pictures if possible; issue brief but firm instructions and when all else fails to take her outside the classroom and discuss social stories. I communicate with "B"'s parents by way of a communication book and let them know how each day has gone. "B" refuses to show her parents the book if something 'bad' has been written and since I wrote about a 'bad' day she experienced last week, "B" has refused to speak to me and ignores all my requests and instructions. I am quite upset by how rude she has been and have made many fruitless attempts to discuss it with her. She told a teacher that she was ignoring me because I was treating her like a baby. I have discussed this with the teacher and neither of us feel that this is an accurate comment and I have always felt that I have tried to encourage her independence and treat her like a normal teenager. Does anyone have any advice on how to deal with this situation? Issy

Maybe she thinks you're treating her like a baby because she knows other people don't have to see an educational assistant. If she is bright, this is even more likely because she will likely see herself as intelligent and therefore not in need of an aide.

Perhaps you could ask her what it is specifically that makes her feel you are treating her that way. She might not be able to say anything, because the aforementioned explanation is true. Alternatively she might say something constructive so that you'll be able to workaround whatever is the problem, to start an open communication with her again.

If the former is true, then perhaps it would help if you told her that other people who see you don't have any problem with your communication style, even older or more intelligent people. She may feel that only 'weak' people need aides, which of course is not true so you might need to dispel this for her. It may also help if you link her up with another person with a similar condition, as a potential friend or mentor. This might help her come to disassociate assistance from weakness.

Yes, I can see where you are coming from. I have tried very hard to 'share' myself around in the classroom and help other children who require assistance - just so that "B" doesn't feel that she is the odd one out because she needs and aide. I don't sit alongside her, but position myself in the room so that I can keep an eye on her. If she is working along well, I leave her be. If she puts her hand up for help, I will often allow the teacher to offer assistance instead of going to her myself, so that she feels that she has her fair share of the teacher's attention. I have tried to be very sensitive to her position. The only time I intervene is if she is not following teacher instructions or is being disruptive - constant rocking on her chair or rocking her desk; tapping loudly on her desk; typing on her laptop computer when the teacher has instructed her to close the lid and pay attention to the lesson. I often feel that she is deliberately behaving in this manner just to gain attention or just to be difficult! But the school psychologist has told me that children with ASD or Asperges aren't manipulative and aren't capable of deceit. When I have tried to use the social stories, "B" has just looked away or ignored them or yelled at me that she knows that stuff already. To be honest, I am beginning to feel that her problems are more behavioural than anything else and that she is used to getting away with it all through her primary school years and now that the issues are being addressed, she is retaliating. Is this typical behaviour of a teenager with ASD?

Sounds like you've got yourself a "pisser" on your hands. That's what my mom has always referred to me as...and she still does!

When I was a teenager, not only did I have the normal teenage angst, but sensory overload as well. This creates a very volitile situation. The more supervision that I had, the more explosive I would be. I never got into too much trouble, but I'd fight and yell if I couldn't take whatever stimuli was bothering me at the moment. I didn't know I had Aspergers (I was diagnosed with ADD then), and I didn't understand how different I was from everyone else.

First of all, try not to be upset when speaking with her. If you are upset and emotional when you speak to her, you will go nowhere. Emotions are very hard for us to understand and only confuse the message. Be factual, specific, and concrete. Do not beat around the bush, just get straight to the point. Keep it short and sweet.

Anything that requires the teenager to bring home a bad report to her parents can put you on the "mean" list. I'm sorry, but it's true. It's better to praise good achievements than to write in her book about her bad day. If she has a bad day, try to write one good thing in her book, even if it was that she sat through an entire lesson without acting crazy. She knew it was a bad day and COULDN'T DO ANYTHING ABOUT IT. Telling her parents that she had a bad day isn't going to one bit of good. With my folks, coming home with a bad report because I was overloaded just made the situation worse. It then brings home the overload and invites a meltdown. If you tell her parents, it can really make it worse. It is better to tell the parents in an unbiased way without her knowledge. Basically say, "She had a rough day today. I wasn't able to pinpoint the problem. She disturbed the class by _____. [State your corrective action and the student's reaction]." See if you can get the parent's phone number and call them instead of relying on her to pass the communication on. Anything can cause a rough day. Anything. The classroom temperature could be off by a few degrees. She may not have been able to sit in her spot at lunch. Something unpredictable could have happened and her entire routine could have been thrown out of whack. That's when the disruptive behavior begins. It could even be the teacher's perfume.

You must keep in mind that structured supervision to an Aspie can be suffocating. We think outside of the box and someone watching us with an eagle eye is sure to damper our thoughts. We begin to act out in crazy ways. If she begins to disrupt the classroom by typing on her laptop for example, remove her from the room at a break (as so she's not the center of everyone's attention) and say to her plainly: "It is not acceptable to use your laptop when Ms. Teacher has instructed you to close the lid." When she asks why, explain that during that time of the day, it is the designated time to sit quietly while the teacher speaks so that the other children can hear what she says. Don't say anything about how she has to be respectful of other's time. She won't get it. What she may need is a break. She may need to sit in an empty classroom with her laptop where it's quiet and she can think a little. It's a reset time. When I was in school, I had study hall every year in high school. I loved it. It was quiet and I didn't have to participate or look like I was paying attention to anything. It sounds like she may need this.

I don't know anything about social stories so I can't help you there. It'd probably make me very angry and frustrated if someone was hauling me out of the classroom everytime I began to stim (like her rocking back and forth) to read me a story. I'd rather just have a timeout.

We're not easy to deal with in a situation like this. Be sure to consider environmental factors when working with her.

From what you have said I have this picture of this young girl being closely monitored while she sits at a desk or types on a computer. I can't think of a more oppressive image to describe an educational setting. And the very phrase "social stories" sounds horrible. And you haven't said one positive thing about "B" or about working with her potential. Maybe the problem is with your pedagogy.

There's your answer!:idea: When I was in school, if there was anything I hated with a passion, it's my teachers communicating with parents (this includes report cards). My parents are extreme perfectionists, and if they saw anything remotely 'bad', they would punish me in every which way. The teachers, in turn, believed in communcating everything with the parents. So for me, my school life was a battleground between myself and The System. If there was a way to avoid letting my parents see something, I'd do it. In fact, one report card had to be signed and returned, and it had a D on it. I was so scared of punishment, I spent days worrying myself sick (literally, see below). I obsessed over choosing the perfect moment to show the report card, as to minimize the punishment I will get. Although my parents didn't react as badly as I expected (the D was for gym), and I got off easy with one evening of no TV (usually it's one week of no TV), I had a fever the next day.

So back to this "B" person you're talking about. Ask her how her parents react to the comments in the communication book. If they punish her for 'bad' comments, perhaps you shouldn't even use the d*mn book. If her parents are perfectionists, "B's" focus becomes avoiding punishment, not improving her behavior. Trying to focus on her behavior in school and getting punished by her parents for uncontrollable slips is just too much for her. Think about it.

Maybe she is, maybe not. I think it's very possible she simply has different priorities. If she doesn't see the relevance of something she's learning in class she's probably likely to just do her own thing and pursue something she sees as worthwhile. I'm in university and I'm like that too, at least when it comes to busywork. But I have my nose to the grindstone when I know the content is relevant or at least interesting. Maybe she's like that too? Though I can't suggest a plan of action if that's true. I really don't know what you could do there. Maybe somehow incorporate some of that stuff into the class? Perhaps see if the teacher will allow her to use the laptop to do her classwork. She might really enjoy that. Plus it gives her a sense of empowerment, rather than being simply told to do this and that.

The very simplest explanation is that the repetitive actions are habitual. Or they help her relax. In that case, you might want to see if you can get her to do something that's less irritating to others, such as tapping her foot or hand wringing. BTW, is rocking all that bad? I can't see how it's much of a problem. Also, don't assume just because she doesn't seem to be paying attention that she isn't paying attention.



A generalisation. Generally, it's believed that people who manipulate or deceive need the ability to infer other people's mental states. Since that ability in ASD is said to be impaired, that makes it harder to do those things. But not impossible. Just more difficult, I think.



Again, back to the priorities. I can say with a considerable amount of certainty that, given her diagnosis of ASD, social skills comes very low on her priority list. Imagine if you had an aide while you were doing a course on psychology, who wanted to start teaching you the intricacies of inductive mathematical reasoning. Not only would you not want to learn it, but you'd probably find the person totally annoying in their persistance.

If she is in dire need of social skills, to the point where she's affecting her and other's learning, then go ahead and teach them. But don't try to 'normalise' her. Rocking really isn't that bad. It's not going to hurt anyone. If she's making lots of noise in class, then teach her that that's not on. Use discretion, it'll make everything much easier if you're not bent on changing her entire personality. And dare I say, more ethical.



Depends on their underlying personality. Chances are it will get worse in the teenage years, but that can't be blamed on ASD alone. Teenage years are hell, for the teens themselves and their families. Not always but quite often. This is especially true for someone with social problems, but then again some will adapt amazingly well, some won't, and some won't care about social concerns at all. We're a pretty diverse bunch.

Definitely a generalization. If there's something that I absolutely do NOT want to do--and like Aspie1, I absolutely hate bringing home grades or other comments about how well I was doing in school, especially since my parents are also perfectionists (I dread bringing home B's; I don't want to think about their reaction if I got a D)--I'm quite capable of trying to get around it. I don't exactly like lying, and I'm extremely bad at it, but I'm quite capable of not telling the whole truth or not telling my parents if I've done something wrong. As for manipulation, when I was younger especially I tried that all the time--I read the same books on child-raising that my mom did, and I was always trying to twist it to suit me.

--Sola, fifteen-year-old Aspie

The traditional classroom is tantamount to torture for a lot of aspies, especially those of us who are well ahead of grade level. Being told to sit there quietly and nearly motionless when our stims are sometimes the only way to bleed off some of the excess of what we're feeling, being told we have to do things that are really quite pointless (common high school busy work), and being forced to work at the same pace as everyone else is nothing short of maddening. Typical students find catharsis in their social interactions -- passing notes, chatting in between classes, maintaining the high school heirarchy -- those of us with AS who may not be interested or involved in such things must find other outlets. Keep in mind that her tapping and rocking are not just meaningless movements...they are actions with a purpose. You cannot stop someone from blinking because his or her eyes will dry out. You cannot reasonably expect to just stop an aspie teenager's pressure-releasing behaviors without causing problems.

I never visibly "paid attention" in high school. I was the annoying student who refused to stop writing and look up at the teacher's lecture, who would hide other books inside her texts, who openly questioned the necessity of much of the busywork we did. I was a square peg if there ever was one, but it was largely out of boredom. Maybe you should base your responses on how she's doing with the subject material, and limit your attempts at control to keeping those of her behaviors that are actively bothering the other students or being a disturbance. If she's doing well academically and not keeping others from learning, who cares if she appears to be listening during a lesson? It's a teacher's ego thing at that point, and that's not worth all the trouble.

If you want her to cooperate more with you, discuss anything negative with her that you are going to write in the communication book before you do it, to allay the feeling that someone is going behind her back as though she's a small child. Talk to her like a person and ask her about her challenges in the classroom, and especially about how she believes you ought to be treating her. Maybe she's offended by something really inconsequential that you haven't even noticed, and it will be an easy matter to fix. Maybe she just feels her behavior is being misinterpreted and feels the need to justify her actions to the person who is reporting on them. And it's certainly not out of the realm of possibility that her parents are screaming at her or otherwise treating her terribly when she brings home a report on a "bad day".

Of course it's possible she's just being stubborn and misbehaving. However, before you assume that, you should probably rule out other reasons for her acting as she has. Good luck.

Thanks everyone, you have all given me plenty to think about and take on board.

The reason I use the communication book is at the specific request of the parents as they have requested to be kept up to date with all goings on. I do also write positive things, however small and give praise at every opportunity. "B" is an animal lover, especially horses and I reward her for doing the right thing by giving her a card with a picture of a horse on it for her to collect and build up a set. How do you feel about this - is this too babyish for a teenager? What other rewards could you suggest?

The social stories are believed to offer visual and written instruction on appropriate classroom behaviour - but I have yet to have any success with them and my personal feeling is that they are too immature for "B".

As I explained in my first post. this is all new to me and I am genuine in asking for advice from you all. The chair rocking is a concern in the classroom because "B" rocks right back at dangerous angles and has often fallen off the chair - it is a safety issue more than anything and all students who do it are asked to stop. It was interesting to read that anything - even environment can trigger a reaction. In many cases I have not been able to identify or pinpoint anything that may have been a trigger. Perhaps I am looking in the wrong places!!

"B" already does most of her work on the computer - this is not a problem and is encouraged by all her teachers. The problem we do have is that she refuses to close the computer when she shouldn't be using it and she often plays educational games on it instead of particpating in the lesson. When I ask her to close it she ignores me and if I reach over to close the lid, she pushes me away. What next??

As I said earlier "B" is bright and a capable student when she participates. Her teachers have adapted lessons to suit her and are really trying to do the right thing by her. They have geared some lessons to revolve around her love of animals and try to use topics that interest her. The problem is that it is not always possible to modify a lesson specifically to suit her and if she doesn't like the lesson, she will just ignore the teacher and this is when the difficult behaviour starts. I feel that sometimes she needs to accept that there will be subjects/topics that she doesn't particularly enjoy, but like her classmates who may also not be particularly overjoyed, she just has to do the lesson. What are your thoughts??

Please keep your constructive comments coming, I am learning a lot from you.

It sounds like dropping the stories would be a good place to start. My guess is that B is perfectly aware of what others consider appropriate classroom behavior, whether or not she is conforming, and therein lies the reason she finds them patronizing.

So far as the chair-rocking goes, is it possible to place her chair in a location where she can't really do this dangerously, such as against a wall? I can see why that kind of chair-rocking would be a problem. :/

As for the computer, is it a school computer or her own? When I was in school, all computers the students were using had a program on it connected to a program on the teacher's computer so that if necessary, a teacher could lock down the computer remotely. Even if it's not owned by the school, her parents would probably go for having such a program installed for those instances in which she refuses to pay attention. It probably wouldn't help your relationship with her, but if she is already being accommodated in regards to most of her lessons and simply will not cooperate, it might be a path to consider. That way, there is no actual punishment involved...it's just that she can't use the computer to play games when she should be listening to the lesson.

My guess, just from my personal experience, is that there's little hope at this time of really getting her to accept that she has to engage in even the lessons that seem boring and irrelevant to her. This will probably come with time, especially as she outgrows petty adolescent stubborness, but I suspect the best you can hope for at the time being is to get her to be quiet and perhaps look a bit more like she cares what the teacher is saying. What worked for me as a student was to push extra hard in those academic areas that were of interest and be fairly satisfied with "average" in those that weren't. What didn't work was the approach where I was told that being intelligent meant I had to display the same promise across the board. This is a pretty common approach in schools, even if you're not advocating it, so she may have encountered it in the past.

I guess my best recommendation would still be to just talk to her about the classroom difficulties, if at all possible. If you can prompt her to open up a little bit about what's making her angry, you may find a solution that's better than anything any of us can suggest. Offer something -- like osome agreement about the "stories", for example -- and ask for her input. You obviously don't have to consider it if her idea of class includes studying horses all day and nothing else, but if she can think of a better way to capture her interest in a way that's related to one of the subjects in question, it may be worth considering. If you can think of incentives that might allow her to use her interest academically, they might be ideal (e.g. "I think I can convince your history teacher to let you write your term paper on the influence of horses in major battles throughout Western history, which you really enjoy, instead of the politics of this other historical event, which you hate, but only if you can comply in these ways during everyday lessons." This way, there's a clear reason to her why she's doing what you ask, and not just a "because I told you so" reason, which may be how she's interpreting it now). After all, she's a teenaged aspie, which means she's going to need a directly applicable, blatantly visible cause-and-effect, an "out" to allow her to comply while still preserving some sense of pride and independence, and a sense (even if it's false) that the situation isn't just a bunch of adults steering her around beyond her control.

I think it's really admirable that you care enough to not only go to so much effort to accomodate her, but to look a bit deeper to try to ascertain the roots of the problems. I don't think most of us were fortunate enough to have that kind of consideration.

Um, first off, good for you for coming here to find out how to work with her better. That is more than many folks will do. Kudos to you, for that.

So did you ever talk with *her* about what kind of assistance and what kind of rules of behavior she's expected to follow? Or did you and her parents and teachers just decide from "on high" and not bother including her?

Rocking is disruptive? Did it occur to you that it might be a way of dealing with overstimulation? It's called stimming. Yeah - noisy stimming can be disruptive - and you guys need to work with her on non-noisy stimming, but *rocking* isn't noisy.




why is she required to pay attention to someone who is boring? Most teachers repeat the same thing over and over again. and then they get pissed at us for not paying attention. Pah! did it ever occur to you that maybe she's taking notes on her laptop?

You need to sit down with her and find out how *she* feels and what she needs and wants and *then* work together with her to figure out how to help her achieve *her* goals.