Help with son with Asperger's

Post Reply New Topic

Hello,

I have a son who is a senior in high school with Asperger's. I have tried to tell him about being diagnosed with Asperger's, but he insists he doesn't want to know. I mentioned it to him, but not sure he understood. So do I talk to him again to make sure he understands his condition, and risk upsetting him during the school year or wait until xmas break? He is doing very well at school, and has a very small group of great friends who have common interests in music and gaming. School is always a struggle with the exception of math and computer related classes.

He is very bright, and wants to go to college for programming. However, I can not get him to fill in some of the forms required for the college application process at the school specifically the teacher reference form. I suspect its due to the questions being about him such as "describe your work, behavior, participation, and attitude in my class", "best moment academically in my class", etc. He just shuts down when I talk to him about it, and will not say a word.

Any advise on the application process? Do I send in the applications without the teacher reference and essay? Should I speak to the college for any special assistance such as single living accommodations or would this reduce his chances for being accepted to the school?

Thanks! (fixed the burger spelling! )

they can't refuse him just because of a disability, i'll tell you that

also, it's spelled "asperger's". why does everyone get that wrong? it's not hard.

What do you mean by you tried to talk to him about being diagnosed with aspergers? Is he officially diagnosed? If he is not then you're going to have to have him tested before you start talking to colleges and using it as an explanation for his behaviors.

Does your son have any idea of where he would like to go for college? If you have a set college in mind then I would suggest you first get in touch with that schools office of Disability Services. Tell them that your son is having trouble with the essay or whatever it is that he's having trouble with and see what they can do about it. I'm certain they can do something. Because of discrimination laws it will not affect his chances of getting in.

Also, as far as the letters of recommendation go, have the teachers your son likes the best write them up. If math and programming is where he does best then have his math or programming teacher write the letter for him. I had a lot of problems giving my teachers my forms for recommendation letters at first, but high school is a really safe place to learn how to get letters of recommendation and I know I was glad I got the practice in.

If it is really too much for him and he keeps shutting down on you every time you mention college then maybe he just isn't ready for it yet. I know it's hard for a lot of parents to simply accept but not everyone is ready to start college immediately as soon as they get out of high school.

He has been diagnosed to have Aspergers. I am not sure he understands the diagnosis since he refused to listen to the results from the doctor, and I haven't mentioned it to him since. The doctor did not review the results with him either since the doc wanted him to go to counseling first, but he wouldn't go to the sessions. So I plan to talk to him again during the holiday break or sooner.

He is a very talented programmer, and I suspect he will do fine in college for the courses he enjoys. I am not sure how to work the social aspect associated with college. Maybe best to commute to college from home?

Thanks!

I have high functioning autism, and I am a computer engineering major (which requires lots of programming). If he really has aspergers syndrome, he needs to understand that he will most likely need very slight accomodations.

College is not like high school. And it is radically different. Every freshman needs help but people with aspergers will need help in a different way because they think differently.

If he does not take the time to know how he is different, he is setting himself up for failure or at the very least some academic difficulties.

For example, I take my final exam in a small room to myself (and someone making sure I do not cheat). I always get As in my finals where I am alone and quiet. That is the only accomodation I recieve. Even the slightest noise will upset me so that is why. Before I had this,
the noise in the room could get pretty bad and I got Bs on my final exams.

Luckily, your son seems very independent. That is going to be needed for college.

I just do not understand why he views aspergers syndrome so negatively. I think he is getting the wrong impression that people with aspergers syndrome are social outcasts or are not as capable. Reassure him that the diagnosis does not mean that.

If he has any questions about programming in college and such, let him know he can ask on here. (Tell him to study and program in C++, Java, and/or possibly Phython the summer before he comes. It will give him the upper hand in his classes)

Okay, good. Since he has an official diagnosis you're going to want to talk with the office of Disability Services as quickly as you can so they can have time to answer your questions before the applications are due. Also, like Tech was saying accommodations are really going to help your son succeed and he will get those through disability services (if he asks for them/requires them). College is all about advocating for yourself and it brings up new challenges you don't face in high school. Try to convince your son that having Aspergers isn't the end of the world and that embracing his difficulties is the first step to overcoming them. I don't know how to help you with this since I was diagnosed so young I can't remember when I was "normal" but I'm sure elsewhere on the forums you can talk to parents or other later-in-life diagnosed aspies for advice on how to help him.

The social aspect of college is the hardest part and can often affect a student's academics. I still find the social parts of college to be the most difficult. As for whether to live on campus or commute: Commuting is a good idea if you're worried about how he'll react to life in the dorms since he's shutting down now and you have only talked about applications.

However, just know that there are a lot of benefits to dorm life. I had a lot of trouble with living in the dorms my first few months, but got better by the second half of the first semester and by the second semester it was the best thing that had ever happened to me. I know I am a lot better off from my experience in the dorms. If you think he can handle it dorms are a great and safe way for your son to start learning how to live on his own and it will also make it easier for him to make friends. I made most of my friends in the dorms and not through my classes because the time we spend in classes compared to high school is so short and I usually have different people in all my classes. However, I live in a special "community" dorm of people with similar majors which is a lot safer than your average freshman dorm for someone with AS and the best sort of dorm (though I admit to being biased). Also, disability services bent over backwards to try to help me those first few months~ they're awesome.

You know your son best, though, so go with what makes both you and he the most comfortable.

Thanks for all the great feedback!