Why was this teacher so mean to me?
Okay so I do a media sort of course, and on the last day of term (a few fridays ago. I'm on holidays now) one of my teachers told me to go down to see the new program coordinator (the older coordinator left). I have this teacher for only one class a week, every friday.
He didn't exactly tell me what it was for, but I assumed it was for him to talk to me about my attendance (I missed some classes a lot due to my mental health problems and sleeping issues). So I went down to see him and he asked me to sit down.
For the next 10 minutes or so could possibly be some of the most humiliating moments of my life. He asked me why I was missing some of my Friday classes (i actually hate the friday class very much but I didn't tell him that. Nor did I tell him about my depression or aspergers/anxiety/social problems) but I did give him some reasonable excuse. I didn't have anything to do in some of those Friday classes (besides planning for a future class project) so I decided to stay home. And I told him that, and he said something like "Fair enough" but that I still should attend classes anyway.
He then proceeded to ask personal questions about why I am the way I am, like "Was it the way you were brought up?", I said no but he kept asking whats causing me to be in my shell. (I am kind of quiet and struggle to work in bigger groups. The friday classes are when the whole class works together in 1 group, whereas in the Monday-Thursday classes we work in smaller groups, of which I am much comfortable in. It's like the guy thought I was the way I am by choice. He may as well have asked "Where you dropped on the head as a child?"
Anyway the dude keeps questioning this (I don't know HOW he knew I had social problems, maybe my Friday teacher tipped him off, I don't know) or maybe he knew I was quiet because I was struggling to answer his dumb questions that didn't have an answer for them, and because I was terrified of this guy. He asked me "Are you intimidated by me" "No" I said, but of course I was. He kept staring at me and having these creepy laughs when I told him something. Surely he must have known he was making me feel uncomfortable but he kept persisting anyway. It's as if he enjoyed humiliating me.
He said something like "How are you going to survive in this industry being the way you are" (so Aspies are not allowed to work?)
He said a bunch of other stuff but I don't remember exactly what he said, but I remember he made me feel really bad about myself, yet he kept saying "I'm here to help you" when he was doing the exact opposite. He also told me to stop speaking to him in "that tone" when I didn't even have a tone.
He told me to think about why I'm doing this course over the 2 week holiday, and he wanted to see me again after the holidays. (the two weeks are already up, and today is the last day of those holidays)
It may sound kind of trivial in text, but trust me it was a horrible experience. Boy was I wrong in thinking it would just be another "Yep. Yep. Yep won't happen again" meeting (telling them what they want to hear) in which I would have done with previous coordinators.
When he finally let me let me go back to class, I felt so bad about myself and I honestly felt like I was going to cry (think I actually may have a little) and I was so upset that I just wanted to go home. I was standing around in the fire escape thinking about whether to go back to class or to just go home and not come back. It took me a while to think, but I ended up going back to class (mostly because someone entered the fire escape and the noise startled me so I just went back lol. But also because I didn't want that jerk to ring me up at my house asking why I didn't return to that class, and ruin my holidays)
So now it's Sunday night and I have school tomorrow. I don't mind the Monday-Thursday classes as much as the Friday classes, but I'm still scared to go back, what if that guy asks to see me?
To be honest,even though I don't mind some of the classes, I find the whole course to be pretty boring, so maybe I should just quit. I would possible have wasted a year of my life, and I may have lost any qualifications I was working to, and may have to get a job flipping burgers at McDonalds, but at least I won't be so depressed all the time. I just don't know what to do. I don't want to go back there. I feel like the only thing I want to do now is stay home and watch movies, that's what makes me happy
Help
Oh JimmyJ, that's appalling. Your instructor was way out of line. I am so sorry for what you endured and you sure did not deserve that kind of treatment. Please know that you have persevered this hurdle. Of course you're hurt - who wouldn't be? That's shameful.
Please always continue on with your studies. Sometimes people give "advice" (ahem, that's being far too polite) that's atrocious. Ignore him. Initially I would suggest to formally report this instructor. He needs to be strictly disciplined. However, that being said, he is the authority and because you are at the end of your course, you actually may choose ignore this matter - to your discretion. (There can be politics at universities - I cannot advise). But you could seek council from an adviser, etc. You will rise above this regardless. In the eyes of humiliation, keep your chin up, Aspie.
Well, I offer my support and next term you'll do even better. Could you find a mentor at your university? Be good to yourself and remember that your own merit and discipline will pay off in the long run
_________________
The ones who say “You can’t” and “You won’t” are probably the ones scared that you will. - Unknown
Still, after reading your post, I am shaken by what transpired and what you've endured. I could not begin to comment on what this unprofessional instructor said to you, or why, but instead, in the interest of academic ethics, I'll abstain. (Suffice to say, your instructor has serious problems himself, but you knew that. In confidence, I'd like to whip the asshat myself). Ahem, maintaining academic composure. There are times to "rise above it" and this is now.
But to answer your query better: JimmyJ, under no circumstances are you obligated to meet with this man or dignify what you said to you. If he approaches you, simply excuse yourself and leave. That being said, if you should ever feel physically threatened by this man, then contact your university security right away. You needed your self-confidence to be bolstered - I'm sorry you got the opposite. Please know that you're not alone - others too have taken outrageous behaviour. As to why? Well, we cannot answer why but instead to keep faith within yourself.
You have far better things to do with your time - like your own studies. Immerse yourself in what you love to do and let that shine through. Someday maybe you'll be the professor. In any case, for now - just watch movies and have fun. You're nearly done with your term.
Recently I read a quote written by Dr. Viktor Frankl, a WWII holocaust survivor who is doctor and author. Quote "He who has a why to live can bear almost any how."
_________________
The ones who say “You can’t” and “You won’t” are probably the ones scared that you will. - Unknown
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