How do I motivate myself to go to school?

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School is hell for me, and as more time draws on there seems to be less and less of a point in it. It drains me of absolutely everything, leaving me unable to make myself do things like writing and music because I just get stressed and upset about them - in turn getting more stressed and upset because I have no outlet. I'm working at As and A*s for most subjects...God knows how. I find it difficult to concentrate in a lot of classes and never really feel as if I'm learning anything. Honestly, I probably learn more at home.

Asperger's - and possibly social anxiety or something very close to it, I don't know - makes it worse. I can't go through a day without being down on myself and thinking about how I'm not a "valid person" and I deserve to die at the end of it. Group work is horrible and I just generally freeze up. Even when we're just doing general work in classes I struggle if I think people can see what I'm writing. I worry about the way I'm sitting, can't put my hand up, am scared that the teacher might ask me to answer a question and just freeze up if they do. I worry about handing in homework that I've spent hours on because the teacher might think it's stupid.

Today I got so stressed of it all that I ended up skipping classes and sitting in the same stupid toilet cubicle for about five hours straight (this was including lunchtime and breaktime...)

I just don't feel like I can force myself to go to school and lessons anymore. If there was a point to it all, maybe. But I don't even learn anything, and it drains me of energy completely so that I find it hard to do anything when I'm not at school. I keep thinking about just not going - walking off and spending the day walking or sitting somewhere, away from school and the stress of it, probably in the cold and rain.

I know this is bad - I've skipped classes like this before but never just not gone to school (apart from a few very rare times when I was just too stressed to function which involved screaming and my mum trying to drag me out of bed and all kinds of horrible things before she realised that I just couldn't.) I know I shouldn't just start skipping, that avoiding things isn't going to make things any better etc, that I'm weak and lazy and selfish...but I just don't know what to do.

It's really just getting too much. I've started self-harming again for the first time in a long time because it helps me cope.

I wish I was homeschooled.

You are not weak or selfish and you definatly DO NOT deserve to die. Don't think less of your self for the way you react. Have you got anyone to talk to when you have difficulties like this? If you feel like school is making you feel this down then you should talk to your parents, teachers, doctors or anyother responsible adult to help you out. You can talk to me too, if you need to. Please dont self-harm, you shouldn't hurt yourself because of all your anxiety and stress.