Roommate Issues

Post Reply New Topic

I'm a freshman in college, and the disability office decided to pair me up with another girl with Asperger's. Originally, I thought it would work out, but so far it hasn't.

First of all, her condition is "worse" than mine. For example, she will make noises, such as sucking her teeth and moaning, at random times. She also makes a lot of noises when she eats. I've also noticed that she has trouble thinking abstractly and practically. Sometimes she will reiterate what you say to her. (She also whispers to herself...like a cannon!) She also isn't very organized so her side of the room is pretty messy. I can deal with all of this to an extent, but lately her lack of consideration for others has gotten to me. She constantly (probably unconsciously) criticizes me. I told her that math isn't my best subject. She often says, "why did you take a class that you knew you weren't good at" or something of that nature. On top of that, I tend to go to bed early. Usually sometime between 10 and 11pm. On the other hand, her earliest is usually 1:30am. Today, I came back from class and somehow the topic of sleep came up. I told her that I had a little trouble sleeping last night. She replied with, "then why do you go to bed so early?". As innocent as this sounds, this threw me over the edge. She has been hounding me about this for a while. I have MWF class at 9:00 and TTH class at 8:00...she knows this. Tomorrow, I have to go to the disbability office to make plans for taking an exam. Do you think I should discuss this with them? I don't want to hurt her feelings, but I'm afraid that I might have a breakdown soon.

Sleep, yep, it's absolutely one of our basic needs. It's completely your right to expect a dark, quiet room by 11pm every night. When I was in college, room mates and I simply went elsewhere if we needed or wanted to stay up after 11. Dorm buildings and campuses had scores of safe places to go at night. Is that true of your dorm/college?

Sure, talk to the councilor at the disability office. A lack of enough sleep results in significant functioning loss, not the least of which is mental executive function.

I don't know whether the councilors at the disability office expect that you should settle things with your room mate yourselves or whether they expect to be called upon to intercede. It would be laying valuable foundation if you were to tell them that you intend to notify your room mate that you expect lights & noises out by 11pm. She can go elsewhere if she needs to stay up. And that you intend to stand firm on that demand.

As to her feelings; can she think and behave rationally? If so, then she is being a brat about the night time business and it's pointless to worry about her feelings. If she is not capable of being rational; I question her right to be at college.

I would try and do my personal best answering all her questions and also ask her nicely to not do this or that that bothers you and also to keep quiet at night when you are in bed because you have to get up early for class. If this doesn't work out and she still hadn't changed her habits, then yeah do what you have to do. Go to the disability office.

Have you tried earplugs? They may not block out all the sound if she's REALLY loud, but they can at least increase the decibel limit some, so it will be easier for her to remain quiet enough for you. TOTAL silence can be a tall order, especially if your body just refuses to drop off for hours if you try to go to bed at 11:00 PM! I myself am a night owl, and it would be rough to have to remain TOTALLY silent after 11:00 PM - especially if others in the dorm are staying up until 2, 3, 4 AM!

Of course, she would have to understand that you wearing earplugs does NOT give her carte blanche to be as loud as she wants! Rather, it's more like they reduce your "extreme" noise sensitivity to something more like normal! I'd say I'm at least as sensitive to human voices at night WITH earplugs as most people are WITHOUT!

That's the potential pitfall with Aspie-Aspie roommate arrangements or relationships... the two could have different sets of rigid rules with zero room for compromise!

It isn't so much the noise as it is her attitude. Of course, the dorm is loud late at night because it is in fact a dorm. I have gotten used to the noise since I've been here for close to two months. The remaining problem here is my roommate's attitude. She is constantly criticizing me about something. She is a year ahead of me (she's a sophomore I'm a freshman). Earlier, I mentioned how she is always bugging me about how I go to bed early. Also, she doesn't understand why I took calculus even though I'm not good at math. (It's required for my major, and I told her this...multiple times.) I understand that she may not take other people's feelings into consideration before she speaks, but I can't take it anymore. I'm afraid that if I try to say something to her about this she will get upset.

I'd definitely talk to them about it. When I lived in a dormitory my first semester of college, I had a roommate that was kind of like yours. He made very weird sounds when he ate, was very anti-social (I'm pretty social. If I'm not, I get really depressed which is probably a factor as why I'm depressed right now), and just a bit to out there for me. I mean, he was a nice guy but he was to much for me. One day, I was looking for something and I happened to look near his desk and saw a little post-it note saying "Eric, don't steal my money!" and when he got back I just flipped on him. He said he was just paranoid and was sorry, and yet every day, he still counted his money to make sure I didn't steal any.
It came to the point where I had to ask my dorm coordinator if I could switch rooms. I was happy I was able to, I mean, sure, my next roommate wasn't the best either but at least he was better then my first.

You should sometimes worry about yourself and your wellbeing first. It seems like she's the kind of person that won't be too broken hearted if you moved out if your able to.

[quote="MountainLaurel"
can she think and behave rationally?[/quote]

I'm starting to ponder this. Today, her mom texted my mom (Yes, HER mom texted MY mom). asking if she [my room] could borrow $10 from me. First of all, I was at home for the weekend and she has my number and could have sent me a text message. Secondly, the reason that the she "needed" the money was that she was running out of cash, and she wanted to buy a shirt for breast cancer awareness week. Tonight, when I came back I noticed that she bought a box of doughnuts and two 2L bottles of soda. Obviously, money management is a problem here.

She is 20 and I am 18...why does she bring our parents into this? If she wanted to borrow money, she should have just asked me (not that I would have lent it to her). Well, on the bright side, she is going to Argentina next semester and residential life is going to let me have the room to myself.