How do I learn to stop beating myself up over grades?

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So. Junior year. :\ My schedule's all high honors, pre-AP, and AP classes (two) except for friggin' physics, in which I've just moved down to a regular level. In other words: tough classes. It stresses me out, but not nearly as much as the fact that they're not the absolute toughest. There are folks--including a guy I'm crushing on--who have AP classes all around, from calculus to music theory to studio art. And so my brain goes, "Bah! You have no right to whine about how hard your schedule is." If I succeed, then, derp, that's nothing to be proud of; there are harder things out there to achieve. If I fail, then gosh, how could I fail something when I'm "supposed to be smart"? It's been like this for years. If I become dedicated to anything, I'll get butthurt over not being at the very, very top. The anxiety's bad enough that I have a 504 plan in place, and while it's very helpful, it makes me feel like a failure.

I fret over how I'm not going to get into a good college--whether or not that's a valid concern remains to be seen, but I'm always convinced that everything will go horribly wrong, that one day I'll look in my mailbox and see a bunch of letters reading "YOU HAVE BEEN REJECTED FROM XYZ UNIVERSITY". But...guh. I need to learn to handle rejection. It's inevitable, after all.

Academics are my latest obsession. I worry about my GPA. I worry about the SAT and ACT. I worry about my class rank. I worry about everything there is to worry about.

tl;dr: I'm only as good as my last test grade. How do I get rid of these anxieties?

Just remember, that this generation of education system is not meant for people with ASD. How I like to think about it, and the way my NT brother put it "It's not about how smart you are, it's about doing work."

I hope this helps.

I wish I could help you, but I have ALWAYS been absolutely OBSESSED with my grades. Even when I get "good grades" (what people tell me), I think they are awful. When I started university, anything in the A range at all, I was generally okay with, though a bit disappointed with A-. Now though, I am absolutely miserable whenever I get anything below an A including an A- since I am in my last year and anything below an A will pull my GPA down (I am trying to graduate with first class honours).

The most successful people I know are very balanced individuals. Yes, they are all very smart; but I also know plenty of folks who are just as mentally brilliant as the successful ones except they have no careers and live obsessive, chaotic lives.

My very successful friends and acquaintances work hard at their careers and they did in school, too, but NONE of them was valedictorian (the best). They all find time for family life, church, non-professional outside interests, vacations and exercise. Balance. (They enjoy their lives and don't beat themselves up.)

If you are taking a hard schedule, making good grades, and doing AP classes while everyone around you is always telling you how smart you are, I don't think you're going to have trouble getting into college. Maybe into particular ivy league schools or something, but any regular college would be happy to get someone like you.

If anxiety or worry is enough to get you out of bed in the morning, motivate you, make sure you actually go to class, and/or make sure you actually do your homework instead of blowing it off, then it's doing its job. If you're worrying enough that you're stressing out and worrying about worrying and so forth, then it's out of proportion.

Your high-school GPA matters to you now, but there will come a time where it stops mattering. I don't remember my high-school GPA at all (probably not that great), and the first time I went to college, I flunked out, hard. I'm now back in school, and after that first semester of straight A's, they could care less what I got somewhere else. And, conversely, the school I flunked out of could care less about my spectacular ACT scores after that semester of nearly straight F's.

I'm not saying you should stop caring, but I am saying you should stop freaking out. Being at the top is fun, thinking you're a failure for not being at the very top of the very top isn't.

In the grand scheme of the universe, grades have little meaning.

They told me this in law school...after you get your first job as an attorney, nobody is going to care about your class rank or GPA on future jobs...they will only look at your performance as an attorney.

Granted, schools make a lot of fuss over grades...especially for scholarships, but getting all As is difficult, and doing not as well in one class is no guarantee that it will hold you back. Indeed obsessing over it can do more to hurt your performance than anything else.

I knew NTs in law school who saw their grades go up when they stopped worrying about "what if I flunk out of law school."

Just try not to let it rule your life. It's good to be concerned about grades, but when you're actually done with all of these classes, you won't be needing an excellent GPA to succeed in your career; it's everything you've learned from these courses that should apply at that point in your life. So long as you're passing, why worry? Are scholarships your only drive for the best GPA, or are you pushing yourself for some other reason? It's tough to realize that these are only grades, definitely, but your life isn't going to end if you get a B or lower on something. (All of this coming from someone who does the exact same thing! :p)

The fact that you're taking much higher-level classes than normal should make up for a lower GPA, I would think.

Just take it easy and relax because having bad grades doesn't mean it is the end of the world for you. I learned the hard way when I failed one of my classes in college for the first time, and I'm currently planning to retake it again to replace the lower grade. Just like The_Philosopher said, the eduactional system for this generation is not meant for people with or without ASD and it is about hard work.

I know the feeling... I was obsessed over my marks (grades) in HS... I typically got straight A's, but when I got an A- in the pitifully easy "Introductions to Business" class because the teacher lost two of my assignments (and refused to change)... I was stricken for months and I couldn't talk to the teacher anymore... I have OCD as well... THANKS MS. ANA CATSOULIS-BROWNE OF ETOBICOKE COLLEGIATE, 86 MONTGOMERY ROAD, TORONTO!! !! !! HOPE YOU ROT IN HELL

I wish i had the same mentality as you did in high school though. You should actually not quit what you are doing. You should be extremely proud of your achievements. In high school, I was a person who tried too hard to act cool and was too distracted by social drama which totally sidetracked me from academics. I was thrown out of mainstream classes and I still cannot get out of community college after being at a community college for a while and by the time I am done, I probably will get at the most of a 3.0 GPA due to the fact that I am personally bored of the school I am going to.

Being hard on yourself about your grades is a good thing, but don't kill yourself over it. As long as you try your best, that's all you can do, so you have to learn to accept that. I used to get kind of like you when I'd do poorly on tests and things, but now I just tell myself going in that I have prepared to the best of my abilities, and good or bad I couldn't have done any better.

I used to be totally obsessed with getting the best grade, and getting all A's. I also took AP and honors courses. What I learned was that grades don't matter. They're only a number (or a letter). You should be able to pull something from the course. Knowledge of a topic is more important than just being the best. Being the best is to just study for the test or write the paper -- nothing learned. To learn is to understand. Not just give out facts. Computers can give out facts, but they don't think. Being able to think is the real purpose of learning. Being able to apply school knowledge to everyday life, because most of it fits. When just learning for the course, knowledge is forgot over time. When learning for learning's sake, then knowledge will stay with you.